Bye Bye Rentboy
by Mischief Mage
Summary: The host club has a problem. By a cruel twist of fate, every member's gender has been reversed. How will they change back? How will the club survive? How will they explain to their customers that Haruhi is still a boy?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Ouran High Host Club or any of it's characters. But i do own my copies of Volume 3 and 4 of the manga and my story. 0

I hope you likey.

* * *

Haruhi blinked groggily and groaned, pushing herself up from the floor. Her cheeks were imprinted by the carpet and her back was killing her. Morning light was streaming in through the numerous windows in the third music room. That's odd. What time is it?

Glancing up at the clock in the wall, Haruhi read, 8:25am.

…

…

…

…

_What!?_

Did she just spend the night at school?

Looking around desperately, Haruhi found seven bodies lying around her. Mori, Honey, Hikaru, Kaoru, Tamaki, Kyouya and Renge all sprawled in various positions around the room; dead to the world.

Sitting up, Haruhi gripped her head. It ached.

_What the hell happened…_

She kneaded her temples, thinking back.

_We weren't taking customers, we were drinking-_

_RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGG_

Once her head had stopped vibrating in her hands, Haruhi stood up shakily.

_Oh no…fitness_

True, Haruhi hadn't chosen physical education as a subject, but a review of the school had shown that an unhealthy number of cakes and sweets were consumed every day. In fact, Ouran went through enough cake in a week to feed a starving country for a year. Of course, 98 percent of these cakes had been consumed by Honey-senpai alone. And so, the government set up a compulsory fitness regime which took place each morning before class and Kyouya had an excuse to remove two cupcakes from Honey's quota twenty cakes a day. Haruhi had spent nearly two hours mopping up the tears that had flooded the music room that day.

Anyway, the point was that now, Haruhi was late to fitness class and she would have to run laps around Ouran's massive field. Super.

Getting up to grab her bag and leave, Haruhi glanced over her shoulder at the boys and "manager." They were all breathing, she would come by and check on them during morning break.

* * *

'Fujioka. You're late. And where are the twins?'

'Sorry sir' Haruhi said calmly, "Hikaru and Kaoru are sick' It was true after all.

'Well, alright, hurry up and get changed'

Pushing open the door to the men's changing room, there were a few stragglers still slipping on shirts and sneakers. She'd gotten used to this. She slipped into one of the toilets to get changed.

As she shrugged off her uniform, she tried to remember what had happened the day before. It was funny. Judging by her faulty memory of the afternoon, you would've thought that she was drunk out of her mind. But she was sure she hadn't drunk anything. Actually, the only thing that she had drunk was some coffee. Well no, she didn't get a chance because…

It was at this moment that Haruhi realised that she was trying to fit her head through her blue PE shirt sleeve. She was already in her shorts, which seemed to have shrunk and her shoes were already laced up. _Running on automatic. Cut it out._

Outside, a soccer game was going on. Haruhi slipped a yellow bib on over her uniform and ran off to protect their goal. As per usual, all girls in the teams were immediately immobilised by adoration as the host club member rushed past. It got really bad when Hikaru and Kaoru were there. There was that incident where they pulled their brotherly love act in the middle of the field, in the mud. Haruhi often wondered what had happened to that gay PE teacher. He never came back. It was a shame really.

But back to the day beforeShe was making progress._ We were all going to drink coffee. Hescafe. But we never got the chance. Why was that? There had been an- _

'FUJIOKA!'

Haruhi looked up just fast enough to see a soccer ball speed at her like a cannon ball. It hit her smack in the groin.

_Explosion_.

Falling to her knees, Haruhi shoved her hands between her legs and squeezed. It was bizarre, it never hurt this much. She normally had to put on an act.

_But hell does it hurt now_

Haruhi's legs squeezed tighter around her hands which in turn clenched tighter on her shorts.

_Wait a minute._

Haruhi gasped as she felt the pain blackening out her mind.

_What am I squeezing?_

He passed out on the grass.


	2. Chapter 2

**Mischief mage:** Hiya! Here's the next chapter.

* * *

Kyouya decided to make a list of facts that he could take from his current position. Making lists about things like this made people like him feel better.

Number one: his chest hurt

Number two: He was lying face down on the ground

Number three: his glasses were being pushed uncomfortably into the bridge of his nose.

Number four: The last people he had seen were the twins.

Number five: They had head off with the purpose of having a shower before class

Number six: he had NO idea where anyone else was

Kyouya felt better already. His life was now reorganised and stapled back into place. Excellent.

But there was one corner of the story still flapping in the wind; what had happened?

He sat up, his head was spinning sickeningly, but it didn't stop him from thinking clearly.

_The cameras. _

As club mum, Kyouya had taken the initiative to install hidden cameras at numerous vantage points in the room so that his people could evaluate the performance of the Host Club members (not that any of the knew about it). This way, he could tighten the budget and remove any unnecessary frills. All those costumes really did cost a lot.

Dragging himself up onto one of the couches, Kyouya flipped open his laptop. It had feeds from every camera.

As it booted up, he crossed his arms, with slightly more difficulty than normal.

"Welcome Master Ootori" scrolled across the laptop screen.

_Camera feed. _Click._ Central chandelier camera._ Click. _Footage from the sixteenth, 4:00pm_. Click.

Kyouya let it play, leaning forward over screen, chin resting on clasped hands. Before him, was a bird's eye view of the central circle of chairs which the host club occupied when not busy with customers. As was the case yesterday; they had been organising an upcoming festival.

There, the twins were coaxing Haruhi into making that commoner drink. What was it called again? Hescafe or something. Not really his kind of thing. She'd set out the cups, spooned the instant coffee into each mug, gone off to get the kettle, come back, poured hot water in and been enveloped by an impenetrable black smoke.

Frowning, Kyouya rewound the feed and played it again.

_There._

Just as Haruhi had disappeared from the screen to fetch the hot water, Tamaki had slipped a small pellet into one of the cups. It had been accompanied by an expansive hand gesture which would explain by Kyouya hadn't noticed. Everything about Tamaki's personality was expansive.

_That fool._

Kyouya knew exactly what that brown pellet was. That idiot must have stolen it from Nekozawa and that was why-

'AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH'

He straightened up to see two towel-clad twins burst in through the double doors, sopping wet and steaming.

'KYOUYA!' they both screamed shrilly, pointing at eachother.

'HIKARU/KAORU'S GROWN-'

They both gulped, afraid to mouth the words, pulling their towels further up their chests which had developed contours.

Kyouya sighed.

'breasts?'

The twin girls looked at their club mother in awe.

'But how did you know?'

Kyouya grinned and stood side on so that the almost hysterical fresh(wo)men could see.

'So did I.'

The twins stared unabashedly.

'You have your lord to blame for that.'

The dripping pair looked over _her _shoulder as _she_ replayed the camera feed on slow motion.

'What is it?' HIkaru whispered.

'It's that pellet that Nekozawa showed us two days ago'

'You mean, the one that-' the twins began in unison.

'Yes, that one. I should have kept a closer eye on Tamaki.' Kyouya lent back on the couch with a mildly bored expression, 'There was no way that he, or should I say, she could resist an opportunity like that'

The twins were shaking now. Hardly surprising really. Their visible organ count had gone down by one and up by two in the space of twenty four hours.

'That, _fool_' they hissed.

'Where is he' they continued, fists clenched, 'He's overdue for some misery'

'"She" is in the sick bay'

Kyouya answered and corrected calmly, her cell phone flipped open in her hand. There was a text message written in capital letters punctuated by numerous exclamation marks. A typically Tamaki text.

'Haruhi fainted on the soccer field' she said in explanation to their inquisitive looks.

It was like another explosion. In a flurry of towels, the twins were gone and half-way down the corridor on the way to the sick bay before their droplets of water had hit the ground.

Not that they would listen if they _could _hear her. But someone had to say it. So she called out half-heartedly as their footsteps disappeared down the corridor:

'Put some clothes on'


	3. Chapter 3

**Mischief Mage:** I'm sorry that this has taken so long! But my computer wouldn't let me upload any documents so now i'm using a different one. I had this chapter done ages ago! Will try to avoid situations like this in future. Promise!

* * *

'Ha-h-Haruhi!'

Tamaki stammered as Haruhi retched into a bucket again. She had awoken feeling dizzy and, upon seeing him, had been sick. Goodness knows why.

He laid an arm over her shoulders, pulling her sweaty fringe from her eyes.

'Don't worry, father's here'

Haruhi retched again.

Tamaki stood upright, shoulders back, hands on his hip, morning sun lighting him from behind.

'Rest easy, Haruhi! I shall not cease until I track down who did this to you and administer justice upon their guilty head!' he declared to the world.

'Uhh…senpai' Haruhi said quietly to his back, surfacing from the bucket.

Tamaki was at her side in an instant, his face close, one hand laid comfortingly on her back.

'Yes, dear daughter?' he cooed.

Haruhi didn't get a chance to answer as the door of the white room slammed open and two towel-clad twins crashed in like the club's customers when the doors first open for the afternoon.

The entry of the twins hadn't actually stopped her from speaking but one glance at had them had her diving into the plastic container again.

_Idiotic perverts_

Within seconds, Tamaki was before the twins and had smacked them over the head with the nurse's clipboard.

'Idiots! Can't you see that your presence sickens Haruhi?!' he raged, 'And what are you doing with no clothes on? Cover up your legs a bit more! The towel is riding too high!'

He tried to yank the ends of the towels down but the twins each pulled it desperately higher.

'Hikaru! Kaoru!' Tamaki panted, pointing a finger at them, 'As your club king, I demand that you wear your towel around your waists and cover yourselves more carefully! You're burning the precious Haruhi's virgin eyes!'

The twins eyed him defiantly.

'No' the said and hugged their towels tighter around their chests.

_This is ridiculous, they're so determined to show off their legs. Haruhi sees their chests every swimming day. _

'Uhhh…senpai?'

Tamaki was really quite proud at his ability to appear at Haruhi's side before she finished speaking.

'Haruhi' he whispered, taking her hand in his, 'Let father deal with these corrupt devils'

'Uh. No it's not that…you just might not want to move their towels'

_Huh?_

Turning to look at the twins, he stared, confused at their chests. No spots, no abnormal scratches or scars. There was nothing that he could…

'I see noth-'

The twins grinning demonically, they flicked the upper halves of their towels open.

…

A minor explosion went off in Tamaki's head as he fell to his knees, staring, bright red in the face.

The twins covered themselves again, their towels like sodden curtains closing after a show.

'Hikaru…Kaoru…you're girls?'

They nodded.

'There are three girls in my host club?'

The twins opened their mouths to speak but were interrupted by a high pitched screaming outside. All four rushing to the door and sticking their heads out, one on top of the other, saw Honey being wheeled in on a rolling bed, wailing at the top of his little lungs. Mori was pushing the cart, looking almost terrified and a lot rounder in the shoulders.

From what they could see, Honey's pants were soaked blood red. It was just as well that Haruhi was on the bottom because she was sick again.

'Wh-wh-What's going wrong with Honey-senpai?!' Tamaki stammered, pale-green. The twins weren't looking too comfortable either.

'Nothing to worry about. She's just bleeding' A collected voice said from their right.

'They twisted around in the doorway to see Kyouya standing there, clipboard under his arm.

Tamaki extricated himself from the small, totem pole of heads in the doorway.

'What do you mean it's nothing to worry about!? Honey-senpai could _DIE_! And what do you mean 'she'?' he half scremed in Kyouya's bespectacled face.

'You really don't have to worry. In fact it happens once every month. You'll get used to the idea. And,' his eyes flashed, 'as to the second question, I think you should know what I mean.'

'Well I don't! I'm your club lord! This is treason!'

Kyouya sighed.

'Honey is a _girl_ and _she_ is a having her period. No doubt Honey is finding the experience unsettling'

Honey could still be heard howling in the silence that followed this statement.

'What? There are four girls in our host club?'

'Six actually'

_WAH!?_

Kyouya sighed and pulled his clipboard, running his pen down a list.

'The twins; judging by how you shudder when you look at them, they've already shown you. Honey; menstruating. Mori; smaller shoulders, hips almost doubled in size. And, me'

'So I'm the only boy left in the host club?' Tamaki asked blankly, glancing back at Haruhi who was watching them wearily.

…

…

…

'My dear lord' the twins said, each resting a bare elbow on each of his shoulders, 'this will be hard for us to explain but we shall persevere to inform you of everything you need to know and support you though this trial. Just a note though- You may want to go to the toilet before we tell you because…'

They smiled identical mischievous smiles.

'you might wet yourself'

Tamaki gulped and marched straight to the en suite bathroom.

Inside, he put the seat up and unzipped his pants. He wasn't sure what the twins were up to but he might as well face their devilish tricks with an empty bladder.

He thought that he could hear the twins counting down from ten outside.

_Fools._

In the background: 9…8…7…6…5…4…3…

_Ridiculous_

Deciding to hurry up, he looked down briefly.

2…

_Wait a minute…_

1…

_Am I missing something?_

_0…_

_Oh….shiiiiit_

* * *

**Mischief mage: **It's hard trying to get into Tamaki's head since what he thinks is so far from what how would think lol. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Mischief Mage: **Waaaaaahhhhhh school is eating my brain.

* * *

'Now what?' Haruhi mumbled.

'Oh I have an idea.' Hikaru suggested, hand raised.

'Why don't we find out…WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH US!?'

'A valuable suggestion, Hikaru, and I'm sure Tamaki could provide us with an answer'

They all turned to face their lord/lady, eyes flashing. She practically wilted before their eyes.

Once Tamaki had been extricated from the bathroom and the club had returned to the club room. They sat about the coffee table awkwardly, Haruhi finding it strangely difficult to cross his legs.

'I'm sorry!' Tamaki whimpered, hands over her head in a placating gesture. 'I didn't realise that it would happen that way!'

The twin girls eyed her disgustedly.

'What do you mean you didn't think it would turn out this way?' they said in unison with voices rippling with hidden peril…for Tamaki that is.

'I...I…there is no need to speak to your lord this way!' Tamaki struggled, squirming in her seat.

'Tell us what happened' they demanded.

The twins would have continued to make Tamaki's day a living hell but Kyouya had had enough.

'She …well, whilst she was a he, he added one of Nekozawa's personal batch of pills to Haruhi's cup of coffee'

A minor draught invaded the room as Haruhi shot Tamaki an icy glare. If possible, Tamaki receded even further into the couch.

Over the year, there had been a raging obsession amongst the girls relating to the release of the final Harry Potter book. This had lead to highly successful magic themed balls held by the Host Club and an extreme increase in business for the Dark Magic club who, upon recommendation from Kyouya, had begun selling dud 'love potions' (not that the customers knew that of course.) An amazed Nekozawa had appeared at the host club one afternoon through his amazing appearing door stammering in a mixture of thanks and confusion.

Naturally, Kyouya had planned it all. What with the production of 'love potions', the number of customers to the club had doubled two-fold, every girl trying to enchant her favourite host.

But that afternoon that Nekozawa had approached the Host Club, he had shown them what a real love potion was. It wasn't really a love potion at all, just a small brown pill, carefully formulated and meticulously made. Not being one for love and flirting, Nekozawa and simply made it to prove that he could and chucked it in a box in his desk.

'But I don't get it' Hikaru half whined.

'Why would a love pill cause us to swap genders?' Kaoru finished for her sibling.

Mother Kyouya pushed her glasses further up the bridge of her nose, just as she used to as a boy.

'Have you ever wondered why tales of love and magic only ever happen to princesses and royalty?'

They stared at her, puzzled.

'It's because magical potions have adverse reactions to commoner coffee.'

Dumbfounded, the club stared, unsure of whether she was joking or not.

'That's why the love pill caused such an unpredictable reaction when added to commoner coffee. It only took effect when the hot water was added, dissolving the two substances and causing the explosion. Thanks to our lord, or should I say "lady"' she nodded in Tamaki's direction, 'we have no way of knowing how the spell can be reversed as the nature of the spell is uncertain'

'So we might be stuck as girls forever?' Kaoru ventured.

'Perhaps'

They all fell silent, Tamaki seemed on the verge of tears.

'So…so what will happen to the club?' she whispered, hanging her head, hair falling down about her face.

Kyouya's eyes flashed.

'We will continue on as previously' she said resolutely.

'Huh!?'

They had all stood up as one, gaping at their club mother.

'KYOUYA IS RIGHT!'

Tamaki was upright again, hand punched in the air in a show of defiance to the world.

Kaoru narrowed his eyes at her 'Lady.'

_She recovered fast._

'I, AS CLUB QUEEN SHALL NOT ALLOW THIS FAMILY TO BE DISSOLVED ON ACCOUNT OF SO SMALL A TRIAL! THIS IS A BOYS AND GIRLS SCHOOL! OUR CUSTOMER'S DEPEND ON US FOR SERVICE, RAIN OR SHINE, SNOW OR SLEET, WE SHALL DELIVER!' she declared to the world in general.

_Funny, you can almost see the sequins and glitter._

'But Tama-chan' Honey squeaked, in a slightly higher voice (if that were possible), 'We can't be hosts to girls anymore'

Tamaki gave her usual charming grin, finger up in the air, signifying an idea.

'Not a problem, Honey-senpai. This is a school made up of boys and girls right? Well we'll simply cater to the other half of the school population'

'But how, milady? We can't use the same characters on boys' the twins asked.

'Not an issue' Kyouya put in, not looking up from her clipboard, 'We are in safe hands'

Tamaki gave a theatrical click.

_Uh oh_

There was the high pitched whirring of a high power engine and a sort of rumbling 'hohohohoh' as Renge, in a white coat with black sleeves and boots with an elaborate staff, rose, rotating on _his_ usual platform.

_The otaku_

'Have no fear, Host club! I, your club manager have come to your aid!' he declared, waving his arm about in a Tamaki-esque fashion.

'One question first' Hikaru cut in, motioning towards her costume, 'what are you wearing?'

'Oh? This?' he asked in a would-be surprised way. 'Well, when I awoke this morning, I discovered not only that I was a boy, but that I had been initiated into a whole knew world of cosplay!'

'This,' he declared, doing a very unmanly spin, 'is the costume of the happy-go lucky enigma mage of Celes from Tsubasa Chronicles, the angelic and yet devilish Fye D. Flowright!!!'

There was a brief period of silence where applause might have been appropriate.

Renge, undeterred, turned and stood, legs apart, pointing down at the host club.

'I have come up with a character for each and everyone of you to suit your new bodies.' he looked like he might just explode with anticipation. 'With my training and guidance, you will reach new heights as club hosts, leaving your customers in awe and screaming for more!'

Kaoru and Hikaru turned to glare at the shadow king.

'Did you say 'safe' hands?'

Kyouya didn't look like he was in the mood for answering and wouldn't have gotten the chance anyway as Renge had somehow managed to grab every member of the host club by the arm, standing them up.

'Onward Host Club!'

'Onward where, Renge?' Tamaki asked timidly from beside Haruhi.

Their man-ager smirked and winked slyly at the girl.

'TO THE MALL!'

* * *


	5. Chapter 5

**Mischief Mage: **hiya. I just recently discovered how short all my other chapters are...oh well...to late to fix that. Anyway, this one is a lot longer than what i normally write. Just so you know, i listened to specific songs while writing and editing specific sections. If you want, i listened to 'Dangerous' by the Ying Yang twins while working on Mori's part (won't say what i mean by 'part' hehe), 'Cool' by Gwen stefani for Kyouya, 'Boom boom boom' by vengaboys for Hunny, 'London Bridge' by fergie for the twins and 'Roses are red' by Aqua for Tamaki. I don't necessarily like these songs, i just felt that they caught the mood for me. Enjoy!

* * *

'_This_ is a mall?' 

Haruhi looked the fourteen storey, very, very shiny building up and down. The word's 'Hitachiin' was stencilled across the top in bold, sparkly letters.

'Of course. What _else_ could it be?' the twins drawled.

_Rich…bitches_

Of course, he should have known. When commoners say 'mall' they mean the local shopping centre made up of chain stores. When Ouran students say 'mall' they mean 'family owned, entirely private, clothes boutique.'

'ONWARD, HOST CLUB' Renge called from out front, like a sergeant directing battle.

Hikaru, Kaoru and Kyouya gave slight waves as they passed the two Ootori guards on either side of the polished elevator.

Once the lift doors had closed, the eight members fitting comfortably inside the carpeted lift, Renge dramatically pressed '14.'

They rose through the levels so quickly that the live-quality symphony playing in the background was almost pointless.

The doors opened, not too fast as to spoil the anticipation, but not too slowly as to suggest low-quality machinery. Haruhi's eyes widened.

The sight that met the host club was a gorgeous room, wall to wall with clothes racks and mannequins displaying the newest designs. A small Olympic swimming pool could have been concealed within the single room.

Beside him, Hikaru sniffed dismissively, and dawdled out of the elevator, hands in pockets.

'Our mother is hosting a fashion show in a few weeks so we have to make do with the stuff from a couple weeks ago.'

_Rich … bitches_

The rest of the club followed him out, Kaoru mirroring her sister, Hunny skipping, Kyouya making notes about the security guards downstairs on her clipboard, Mori taking long, yet dainty steps and Tamaki tailing Haruhi who was still staring about in absolute awe.

But before they could go two metres, Renge sprinted out in front of them, arms wide, blocking their way.

'Wait!'

'What?' the twins grumbled.

Pointing dramatically at the girls (and boy), Renge explained that 'As club manager, I have already devised full and comprehensive characters for each and every one of you, complete with styles of clothes and hair. You will only try on what I give to you and will accept the work of my personal-' he clicked and a total of twelve, well groomed, uniformed hair designers appeared behind her, '-stylists without question'

Every set of shoulders in the club slumped simultaneously.

'Now-'

He raised his arms up to the world, taking the sweet aroma of the task ahead.

'-Let the make-over of the Ouran Host club; BEGIN!'

* * *

_This is ridiculous._

Haruhi had sat on an ornate chair facing six changing rooms for three and a half hours. Renge had dashed back and forth past the golden velvet curtains, tossing coat hanger upon coat hanger with different garments over the tops, evicting squeals of pain as the numerous pairs of high heels came crashing down on the occupants' heads.

And now here they were back in the music room. Except it didn't look anything like the music room. It had been fitted as a run way with more than a hundred tiered seats, every one full with bemused looking boys.

Renge had sent out exciting, sparkly invitations carrying promises that the host club was now opening its doors to the male population of the school.

Haruhi was sitting at the end of the room, facing the stage from the lighting box. He wasn't part of the show.

He sighed, before putting his hands out over the numerous dials and buttons.

_Here we go_

The lights in the room went out. All chatter stopped at once.

A single spot light appeared on the right side of the stage. In the very centre of it, eyes shadowed by a black felt hat, stood Renge.

'Welcome, gentlemen, to the host club.' He spoke into a large microphone.

Renge paused for affect as the crowd began to look around, searching for a clue as to what the hell was going on there were a few murmurs of 'this is stupid'.

Looking up into the light, Renge went on,

'I think it's time for a chat.' He removed his hat

'I'm sensing a bit of hostility and I can see why. We're all gents here! How can the girls know what it's like, working day after day, competing against the finest specimens of male beauty for the affection of your special someone?'

There was a general murmur of 'yes's and a few ,'what the hell do you mean? Is Renge a dude?'

'At one point in time, we've all felt neglected by our crushes, our loves, our girlfriends, haven't we?'

A widespread murmur of agreement.

'When the hosts broke their hearts, who was there to bear the burden of your loved one's tears? Who did your girls' borrow money from to request their favourite toy boy?'

There were more nods and the odd 'damn right'

'Who has upstaged you in every way? Looks, grades, charm?'

There were cries of 'the host club!'

'Who stole all the love in the world for themselves?'

'Host club!'

'Who stole your girls?'

'HOST CLUB!

'What villains broke your hearts through their love fraud?'

'HOST CLUB!!!'

'And what have they ever done for you?'

'NOTHING'

'Well, gents, now the time has come! We have heard your cries and we have answered. From this day on, for a limited time, the host club will service you alone!'

The boys all looked about in bewilderment.

'It has been hard, arduous, back-breaking work but I, Renge, host club manager have done it. Behold-'

He moved to the centre of the stage and, arms wide, declared to all and sundry:

'The Ouran host club EVOLUTION'

The stage was suddenly flooded with light, colour seemed to burst forth, everything sparkled, everything twinkled. A massive screen magnified Renge's manly features by tenfold.

'So, Boys, sit back, relax and without further ado, I present to you, the newest breed of Ouran host!'

Haruhi twiddled with a large black dial and music welled up, filling the room. The rumbling bass seizing the heart and whipping it to a gallop.

_First up…_

'FIRST! I am proud to introduce to you! Mori!'

Haruhi could see, from the perspective of a testosterone filled being, that Mori really did look fantastic. She was just as tall as before, with legs up to 'here.' She was sporting a deep-purple, altered kendo outfit, made to show off her long, slender legs. One sleeve was hanging off the shoulder, revealing an inked on tattoo. Renge had given Mori hair extensions until it now hung halfway between her shoulder and elbow in waves, long hair held out of her face with a matching purple head band. Her long shinai was strapped to her waist, its curve following the line of her lower body. He could hear the hushed 'ooh's and 'aah's in the audience as the newly curvaceous Mori passed them.

As she continued down the walk, a number of large targets, adorned with roses rose from the sides. Unsheathing her sword, Mori swung, sliced and utterly destroyed every target. Gracefully. The audience gaped as slashed rose petals settled on their laps like flecks of blood.

This had been Renge's plan. These boys would be confused, so bring out the eye candy straight off the mark while saving the more specific styles such as Hunny for later.

'Mori-chan,' Renge commentated, 'is our firey and hard warrior princess who only reveals her wounded, tender heart to a select few. Are you the one? Come and find out'

Mori reached the end of the runway and flicked the shinai up, held it over her shoulder, staring defiantly out over the crowd who squirmed in their cushioned seats. As she turned, her face softened into a secret look of pure anguish (much rehearsed to look unrehearsed naturally and screened to everyone on the massive screen). There were excited chatters in the crowd.

Just as Mori disappeared from view, Renge spun about.

'And now, second up, we have, Kyouya!'

Haruhi twiddled with the music.

Haruhi could never have guessed that the girl that stepped out had ever been Kyouya. She had shrunk slightly to the average female height and the widened hips gave the impression of a shorter person.

She was sporting an altered Ouran uniform. It was in the same colour scheme as the boy's uniform but consisted of the pale blue shirt under a navy, pleated dress that came to just above the knees. It had a grey tie dotted with the Ouran crest, tucked under top the dress. She wore polished black school shoes and black tights. Renge had lengthened Kyouya's hair so that it hung straight, resting just on her shoulders. She wore a white ribbon over her hair. However, the glasses that she had worn as a boy remained.

In Kyouya's hands were a pile of up to five books, stacked precariously in her dainty hands. She walked forward, looking forward determinedly.

'This cute, bookish girl may seem like the chilly academic type. We all know one. But look closer and you'll see her gentle, caged heart. Will you be the one to give her soul wings to fly?'

All was going according to plan until, just before she reached the end of the runway, Kyouya tripped, books flying forward, one launching itself off the cat walk, glasses skittering away.

The girl pushed herself up off the ground and sat for a few moments, fringe hanging over her eyes. Suddenly, she looked up into the spotlight, rubbing away a stray tear.

Haruhi was completely taken aback as were the boys below. He could hear the intake of breaths all around. Kyouya's eyes were _gorgeous_. Of course, he had partly known that already after the fiasco at the beach but still… Kyouya's dark eyes had grown immensely and were now emphasised by the bright stage make-up.

After looking up into the light for a while, Kyouya straightened up, collected the books and began to walk back down the catwalk. One lucky guy called that she'd forgotten her glasses.

_Bull. Kyouya didn't forget._

Kyouya turned, face flushed and hurried over to him, giving him quick a heart-melting smile as she took them from him, and scurried off stage.

Haruhi couldn't help chuckling to himself.

_Renge is a genius. _

It was true; the manager had straightened out the hooks on Kyouya's glasses so they would conveniently fall off at the drop of a hat.

Haruhi flicked the music switch.

'Now, gentlemen, for all you who like a bit of sweetness in your life, I present our more, specific tastes host. Here for you, Hunny!'

Hunny stuck her head out bashfully before stepping out fully. She held a silver tray which matched her black and white maid outfit. She cocked her head to the side, drawing attention to the fuzzy brown cat ears on her head.

Half-skipping down the runway, Hunny stopped at various places, and held out the tray of specialty chocolates to a few people, smiling constantly. Haruhi could almost hear the word 'cuuuuute' running through every mind.

'If the way to your heart is through your stomach, then Hunny has the master key. If the desserts don't, then her glowing smile will!'

Hunny disappeared and the lights went out. Haruhi changed the music, allowing it to well up before turning on Renge's mic.

'And now, may I present to you.'

A single spot light appeared, illuminating Hikaru and Kaoru; mirror images of each other.

'The little devils of the Club'

The twins, were dressed in the same uniform as Kyouya. But with a few differences. The skirt was shorter, the sleeves rolled up, knee length socks rather than tights, tie loosened and top button undone. They devilishly looked out from under their fringes. Their hair was straight, tied up for now in matching high pig tails.

They both chewed and blew a large, pink bubble, popping simultaneously. They both made their way down the cat walk. They both made confident, mirrored steps, hair swaying in time.

'When it comes to love, two beats one any day. Anything you want, two fold.'

Three-quarters of the way down, Kaoru stopped her sister, pointing at one of the boys in the front row. Kneeling on the edge of the stage, Hikaru reached out and grabbed the poor/lucky guy by the tie, yanking him forward. With her other hand, she playfully ran her hand through his hair as Kaoru, inspecting his face, ran a single finger down his jaw line, digging her nail in lightly as it ran under his chin. He shuddered in a mixture of pure embarrassment and ecstasy.

A few seconds later, Hikaru pulled Kaoru's hand a way and, hand still on his tie, pushed the boy back into his seat.

The continued down the cat walk. Once they got to the end of the runway, Kaoru bent down and gave one of the boys a camera, motioning for him to take pictures.

'And, gents, we're proud to announce that the Host will still be marketing sibling love'

The twins seamlessly moved from pose to pose. Back to back, fingers intertwined; both hands around each other's waist; Hikaru holdling Kaoru's leg up, other hand around her tie, faces close together.

_Pushing it maybe? _

Renge had warned that the twins one of the club's greatest assets and yet one of their most dangerous vulnerabilities. The host club was about pleasant company, nothing more than that. It was common knowledge where the average school boy kept his brain and they didn't want to encourage any bad behaviour. For this reason, the twins had to hold back on the poses, skirts couldn't go higher than a certain point without leggings and only a certain number of buttons could be left undone. They had complied readily.

Taking the camera back, Hikaru blew the boy a kiss and turning, walked side by side with Kaoru back down the cat walk. Haruhi could see the boys practically hypnotized by their pendulum-hair.

As they left the sight of the audience, Renge made to speak but he was cut out as the room darkened again.

There was the sound of wind and the audience looked around as they felt rose petals sweeping past their cheeks.

All spotlights around the room were trained on a single spot in the centre of the run way, illuminating the floating scarlet petals. As the music rose, a single figure was lifted from the centre of the floor in a very Renge fashion…except without the cackling of course.

As she rose, the shape of Tamaki was gradually illuminated, light catching every curve and fold in the fabric of her costume.

Tamaki was also wearing a felt hat, black, at a fetching angle, with a smaller brim than Renges. She wore a large, loose pale-cream shirt that also acted as a short dress. Over the top was a black, buttoned up vest. Heeled black boots, large gold earrings, thick, wavy blonde hair and short black tights completed the outfit.

Tamaki was in her element. She stepped down from the platform, scattering rose petals in all directions. Dancing slightly as she walked, she paraded down the cat walk, winking at boys as she passed, leaving future customers hyperventilating in their seats.

At the end, Tamaki looked about in interest before ostentatiously pulling a single, pure white hanky from her blouse. She held it up. Haruhi could hear the silence. She let the white flag flutter to the ground.

She might as well have fired a gun into the air. The effect was immediate. A scuffle broke out as she continued showing off to the crowd. Finally, the smug victor of the battle held up her prop, face flushed. Bending down, Tamaki took the hanky back, planting a light kiss on his jaw bone as she pulled away, leaving a luscious signature. The remainder of the audience almost cried out in envy.

Flicking out a black gloved hand in a small adieu, Tamaki turned on her heel and returned to the stage, level with Renge.

'And there you have it. The new look Host club. So who will you have?'

Tamaki, back still turned on the hushed audience, clicked her manicured fingers.

The rest of the host club came out one by one except for the twins who naturally entered as a pair, winking at their victim for previously who now looked like he might explode.

'Our warrior princess?' Mori looked out over the crowd, face and posture intimidating.

'Our sweet, secret school girl?' Kyouya tightened the hold on her books, grinning bashfully over her glasses.

'Our lollipop maid?' Hunny smiled radiantly, still holding the tray of goodies.

'Our devilish twin maidens?' Pose.

'Or our host queen?' Tamaki tipped her hat.

'Whatever your choice. Come back to this very room after school tomorrow to register as a customer and request your favourite host. Until then-'

Speaking together, the entirety of the host club, hands extended, called out in unison,

'Mata Ashita!'

The room was plunged into darkness. Within seconds, the lights came back on, but not a single member of the host club was in sight.

Haruhi leant back on his leather chair, sighing.

_Phew. Thank goodness that's over._

'HARUHI!'

He spun about in the chair to see the twins, still in full stage make-up.

'So how did we do?'

Haruhi shrugged slightly, but not unkindly.

'The crowd loved it.'

'Ah don't give us that. You know you were staring too'

Haruhi didn't get a chance to reply as Renge burst into the room, smacking the twins over the head with his microphone.

'Hikaru! Kaoru! Go home! Go to bed! NOW! We've got a big day ahead of us!'

Haruhi waved goodbye to the twins as they were frog-marched out of the sound room.

_Tomorrow, the real test begins.  
_

* * *

**Mischief Mage: **I'm not entirely sure how much i like how this chapter turned out. I loved writing it but i'm not sure that if could catch the mood of what really was a very visual event. Oh well. Too late!!! _  
_


	6. Chapter 6

**Mischeif Mage: **Ello ello ello! I'm sorry for my lateness/slackness/etcness. Here's the next chapter for your amusement. I've got exams coming up so i'll actually be writing more during my breaks. Enjoy!

* * *

_Good_.

Kasanoda pelted down the corridor at full tilt, book bag under his arm. He had spent the last hour kicking buckets (as they had become closer, their relationship had moved from can kicking to bucket kicking) with Tetsuya and it looked like he would still be on time to class.

But just as he was pelting through the music corridor, Kasanoda almost rammed straight into a long line of boys, all pushing and shoving to get into the third room.

The red head tapped the shrimpy looking guy at the end of the line who was looking very dejected.

'What's going on?'

'Didn't you know? The host club does guys now! We're all registering as customers. Did you come late as well? It'll take hours to get in there!' The boy peered sadly up at Kasanoda who was still mildly surprised that people didn't spontaneously freeze when he spoke to them. Old habits die hard after all.

He stood just aside from the shouting crowd, processing what he had just heard.

_The host club… is… servicing…guys? But they don't have any girls-_

He blinked.

The section of boys just within the door were launched forward as a red bullet shot at them, bodies strewn by the wayside.

As he lost momentum, Kasanoda snuck a look over the tops of the heads. Gaping as he saw the line of boys zigzagging along the room at least six times before ending with a single desk, his horror deepened.

_Fujioka…_

Kasanoda continued to dig his way through the crowd, swimming through the blue uniforms as a deep sea diver through a tuft of metallic seaweed. But it was becoming harder. Indignant future customers had grabbed hold of his ankles and begun pulling him back. Before he knew it, he was back outside the in the corridor, battered and bruised.

He stared at the bustling throng in defeat. There was no way that he was getting through now. But he would, in the afternoon when host club activities started. He had heard about '_The Host Club; Version II_' but hadn't realised that they were now…

There was only one way they could service guys. If they had girls or a girl. And there was only one girl in the host club…

_Fujioka Haurhi._

Kasanoda had sworn to protect her secret with his life, and now the cat was out of the bag and the boys in the queue. He had to find her and make sure she was alright. She may have rejected him as a lover, but that didn't stop him from devoting himself to the freshman.

He sighed and grudgingly turned on his heel.

* * *

Kasanoda was a sight to see. He had spent all his time between class, flitting backwards and forwards, unable to find neither hide nor tail of Haruhi. The speed at which he scampered about madly, muttering violently, had given many the impression that his hair was, in fact, on fire rather than just red. The unlucky soul who was a Good Samaritan and dumped a bucket of ice water over him was, in turn, repaid with the most terrifying stare that Kasanoda had ever given in his life. The boy regained consciousness an hour later in the infirmary.

Before long, it was the tail end of last period.

_At least I'll be able to find Fujioka at the club…_

1-D had been playing soccer again. It was a humid day so all the boys were lined up for the showers. There was considerable desperation to get into the shower first as, first in, first out; first out, first to the club. Kasanoda had hung around the back of the line. A day of fruitless worrying had left him in comparative peace with the world.

Several minutes later, clean now, he stepped out of the shower and let the guy behind him get in.

As he got changed, Kasanoda couldn't help but let his mind drift to the third music room where Haruhi must be. Her chocolate brown eyes, brimming with kindness…she could never have loved him. But, in his eyes, she was just as much worth protecting as a friend as she would have been as something more.

_Aw crap._

He'd left his soap in the shower. Fully dressed, he walked carefully through the steam, wary of the wet tiles. There were a lot of showers, they made a lot of steam.

Kasanoda was just nearing the shower he had used, silhouettes of other students passing him as they hurried away.

He reached out a hand.

'Oof'

Something smacked into his chest.

'Oh. Sorry!' it said meekly.

'Don't worry' Kasanoda began to say automatically, looking down. It was that boy waiting behind him for the shower. He had only a towel about his waist. He must have just gotten out. He…he had very big brown eyes. They lit up in recognition blushed slightly, taking a bashful step backwards.

'Oh. Kasanoda-kun'

'Mah…?'

The dial in the boy's head had just switched itself to 'turmoil'. This boy looked a lot like Haruhi and seemed to be friendly with him. But Haruhi was a girl. She was only a boy to everyone else… so…

'Do I know you?'

The boy chuckled.

"It's me, Kasanoda-kun! Haruhi-aaaaahhhhh'

Haruhi's voice rose in surprise as Kasanoda blacked out. A look of complete and utter 'mah!?-ness' on his face.

* * *

'Your late'

Haruhi scowled at Kyouya. Although now the same height, something in the girl's manner made her tower over the freshman.

'I had to carry Kasanoda all the way here over my shoulder. Cut me some slack would you?'

'We had to open late because you weren't here. We have to compensate the customers for shortened sessions.'

Kyouya looked up from her clipboard.

'Where is Kasanoda anyway?'

'He's in the back room. I put out a futon for him.'

'Hm. Oh well. We've opened the doors now. The others are working already. So get going'

Haruhi scowled again and shuffled past the host club mum.

'I don't have any customers. I don't see why I need to be here anymore. I could be studying' he grumbled.

'Sorry to burst your academic bubble, Haruhi, but as in our host-client relationship we are no longer the dominant side, you are a cheap alternative to a bouncer.'

'Huh?'

* * *

**OURAN HIGH HOST CLUB: VERSION II; REVIEW**

**Account according to Ouran High Host Club Customer profile number 1849 ****  
**  
**This is a story about a boy. Just your average, unranked freshman academic. For the sake of convinience, we've decided to call him 'Robert'; 'Rob' for short. Rob is a boy. Just a boy. This is his story.**

I didn't know how I'd managed to get into this crowd. I mean, I was pleased that I'd gotten into the first day of bookings but there was no one there that I knew. They were all those jocks and those - can I say that? Okay- those dicks like Joey and Sam from 2E. Nobody really noticed me which was just as well as a total of three people were sent to the infirmary with black eyes after scuffles broke out in the corridor.

I got in last, intact but last. Can you even begin to imagine my panic when I fell into a mound of rose petals just inside the door? Apparently they had been falling for a good fifteen minutes as soon as the first boy crossed the threshold. Just as well I had my inhaler because my allergies had put me in a right state.

Anyway, from the perspective of someone who had never previously visited the host club, it was...amazing...The pretty girl at the front desk checked my student number before letting me in. I also had to have a blood test and a breath test. Her name was uh...Kyouya i think. I asked her whether she knew 'Kyouya Ootori.' Apparently, she's a distant relative who had come in to take Kyouya's place while he's away as they had already paid his fees and couldn't get a refund. Genes are amazing. Actually, that was the one that I designated.

Anyway, I went into the main area where all the other guys already were. I'm pretty sure my jaw dropped by several feet. Just as at the gala opening, I just couldn't fathom these...these...goddesses. They were all in their newly designed uniforms uhhh I won't try to describe them aside from saying that they made me feel giddy, especially on the twins...strange...what are the chances that the HItachiin family would have two sets of twins named 'Hikaru' and 'Kaoru'?

Anyway, Tamaki (it feels weird calling her that) was at the piano. More rose petals so I didn't get too close. The twins were...doing their thing...whatever they do. I've never entirely figured it out. I'll take a look during my next designation. I got to eat one of Hunny's cakes. She was almost crying. Didn't seem to want me to eat the strawberry ones...or any of them actually...

I looked around for Mori. It's hardly a name for a girl isn't it? Took me forever. When I did find her, she was outside, training. Kinda weird actually. I didn't know that there was a kendo training area in the court yard. The light was also kinda weird. Considering the time of day, she shouldn't have been backlit like that so that the sun caught her billowing black hair as it whipped behind her precious head as she graced her targets with the gloriously sharp edge of her sword that whistled a gleeful tune as it parted the insubstantial- ah. Damn! Can you cut that out? I got kind of lost. What? Oh come on please edit it out?!

Fine.

Anyway, by this stage, it was my time with Kyouya. She hadn't really moved from her spot at the front of the room. But she was doing homework by this stage. I wasn't sure what to do so much so I just pulled up a chair a short distance a way from her. She…didn't really acknowledge me at all. But she did glance at me. It was quite cute. She seemed shy. She kept on glancing at me and rubbing out her working in the book and losing the page in the exercise textbook. I flicked a few coins to Haruhi. Weird that he was still there considering that his friends have all left. Anyway, I paid Haruhi for a small bouquet of roses that he was selling.

Anyway, I went over to her and offered her the roses. She blushed. It was amazing. Her eyes were the most beautiful thing I have ever seen and her voice as she took the roses from me, quavering as she spoke in dulcet tones. Wow. She was just offering me a seat next to her when there was this huge crash from across the room.

I looked across and saw a couple people lying on the ground and a few of people jostling each other. There was quite a crowd already and on closer inspection I saw that Kaoru and one other guy were the ones on the ground. There were three people fighting…uhh…I think it was Hikaru. She was trying to strangle that idiot from the soccer team, Hunter I think his name is. Anyway, he then pushed her to the ground but Haruhi was there in a flash and holding Hunter back. I don't really remember what happened but I do recall Hunter punching Haruhi in the jaw. Then there was this weird red flash that kinda exploded from the room next door and ran smack into Hunter, dragging him outside. I haven't seen him since then. Apparently the medical team had a job cleaning him up once they found him.

Anyway, then Kyouya was up in a flash and telling everyone that the club was closed for the afternoon and that we would all be refunded. It was weird, she seemed to change in a flash. The glint off her glasses is deadly.

But yeah that was it. Can I go now?

* * *

'Hmmmm'.

Kyouya laid down the newspaper on the coffee table, ignoring Tamaki and the twins as they clucked over Haruhi's bruised jaw.

'Well' she said, laying down her clipboard, 'I guess we've found our second bouncer.'

* * *


	7. Chapter 7

**Mischief mage: **hihi! This isn't really a proper chapter. As the title suggests, it's a bit more of a ficlet dump. I had a few random little situations of little significance. I've got an idea in the back of mind to vaguely weave them into the story but this is probably the least important chapter. I just didn't want to drop some of these ideas. Enjoy!

**Edit (19/07/07)- **Whoops, i discovered i had the two 'Ages' the wrong way around. I've fixed that. The period where the majority of the host club members is called the 'Y age' and the present one is the 'X age'

Also, if you notice a mistake with the honorifics, it's because i don't know any better. Sorry...haha.

* * *

Poor Nekozawa. He had never asked for this. 

Considering that _he _was the master of darkness and it was _his_ occult potions room, it didn't make sense that the girl sitting primly on the small wooden stool in the centre of the room seemed to more terrifying of the two of them. He gulped.

'How long will it take?' Kyouya asked, peering over the top of her clipboard, glasses catching the spluttering candlelight.

Nekozawa knew that this translated as 'I want results _now'_

'I-I…I've managed to unearth the recipe for the original love potion and the ingredients list for that brand of commoner coffee. I've analysed the ingredients and how they would affect each other…but…but I need to make a new batch of pellets to experiment with reversing the effects. Each batch of pills takes at least two months to brew and set and I don't know how long it will take me to find a cure'

This all stumbled out of Nekozawa's mouth in a long spiel.

Kyouya continued to stare at him, the reflection on her glasses hiding one dark eye. After what was a few seconds but felt as a few eons, she noted something on the clipboard. He watched her nervously. Why did she have to come alone? Why wasn't she flanked by a couple of bulky cronies? But he did know why. It gave the impression that she didn't want any witnesses to anything she may do to him. He twitched as she began to speak in a hushed voice.

'Let me make this clear, Nekozawa-san, the reversal of this curse is in the club's utmost interest at this stage. Any resources that you require, we will happily provide. I wouldn't recommend shirking this duty as, while the others may become accustomed to such a lifestyle, it is not in your best interests to keep me waiting.' She flashed him a glare, the boy almost receded further into the darkness.

Almost as quickly as the cruel expression came, it was hidden under an engaging smile. She stood, turned, and left without a word. There was a flurry of robes as the door clicked shut. Within seconds, half the furniture in the room had been piled up against the door.

* * *

_Meanwhile, not all that far away, another meeting was taking place…_

Renge interlocked his long slender fingers and surveyed the nervous looking young woman opposite him.

'As host club manager, it has come to my attention that your character is in need of a small level of tweaking, Mori-senpai.'

The dark haired girl was silent, as usual. She hadn't known that Renge had an office. It seemed to be below the music room floor, she could see the rotating platform in the far right corner as well as a large engine. At least that explained why the Host Club's electrical bill was through the roof and well into the stratosphere.

Renge seemed to be pulling off his act of gravity coupled with treachery with difficulty. Mori could see him pleading with her to acknowledge his cosplay costume. She didn't have the heart to deny him the pleasure.

'Excuse me, Renge-san, but what are you wearing?'

There was a brief sparkle in his honey coloured eyes. He flicked his fringe out of his eyes in a would-be-uninterested way.

'Oh this? Just my Raito (thecrafty,bright,morallydebatble,youngmaneagertopurgetheworldofevil) get-up.'

He struck a brooding mastermind pose, chin resting on one hand.

Mori nodded, she had already known. The pleas from the girls in the Y age (as the host club were now calling the time before the change, the present being the X age) for a Raito and L cosplay was insane. Plus the stuffed, chibi 'Ryuk the Shinigami' soft toy hanging from the ceiling had been a dead giveaway.

Renge allowed what he assumed was awe to settle on Mori for a few seconds longer before snapping back into his usual, business like position.

'Anyway, Mori-senpai, what I called you hear for was your opinion if we were to change your Host club profile name and the preferred name on your school account to 'Takashi.'

Mori was taken aback. She hadn't been expecting this at all. However, the matter itself was of small importance to her, being called by her first name would be a nice change perhaps.

'So what do you say, Mori? How does being called 'Takashi' suit you? 'Mori' is so…grim; the term of endearment that you give to a bodyguard to bring him down to your level. 'Takashi' is hard yet elegant it's-'

Mori occupied her mind with a spider dangling from the top of the roof…or from the bottom of the floor. Either way, hear one of Renge's rants and you've heard them all. Mori waited for a few minutes, bringing herself back into the present as Renge began to wrap his declaration up.

'So how about it?'

'Hm' Accompanied by a complying shrug.

Renge's shoulder's sagged; playing the otaku to Mori was always so anti-climactic. At least Kaoru and Hikaru dismissed him with equal energy.

'Well that's all' he said, tired. Nothing sucked enthusiasm out of you more than quiet acceptance of your views.

'Okay'

Takashi stood up, long black hair rippling. She took the handy side door, preferring to avoid the rotating platform entrance.

'It's just as well she said yes' Renge whispered to the plushie hanging out of sight behind him once the girl had left.

'Yeah. It would have been a shock considering we had already changed it.' he said back to himself, imitating the shinigami's voice.

* * *

Haruhi sighed. He was sitting on the floor in the corridor outside the girls' toilets, one foot holding the door open. His back ached. 

'Are you nearly done in there?' he called into the toilets.

'Almost!' came Hunny's high pitched reply.

This was just _great_. Tamaki, Hikaru and Kaoru had all managed to get their periods at the same time, the chaos level in the Host Club rising to 100 percent for the first time since Tamaki and the commoner vacuum-cleaner incident. Tamaki's complete and utter hysteria had fuelled the panic of the twins. So here they were; Tamaki and each of the twins in a different toilet cubicle with Hunny coaching them and occasionally passing another box of tampons underneath the door as they blundered their way through what was possibly the most traumatic experiences of their lives thus far. Due to Haruhi's experience, he relayed instructions and advice from the doorway to Hunny who then passed it on to the girls.

Mori and Kyouya had recently had their first periods and had handled it with a considerable amount of dignity.

Apparently the main task was now finished and the three menstruating girls were now picking up the many failures.

'Hmmmm'

Kyouya and Mori had arrived at the scene of the drama.

'Perhaps this would be a good time to capitalise on the momentary lapse of PMS'


	8. Chapter 8

**Mischief mage:** Eeek. I know i'm running a risk here but i couldn't help myself. Over the next few chapters i am going to be introducing a more serious subplot. I felt that the fic needed a bit of seriousness to carry it (ouran certainly has plenty of serious bits and pieces.) If you hate what i've written here...welll...too late i guess...I might be wrong but i thought it was necessary. But enjoy anyway!!!!

* * *

Kaoru could swear that Halloween came around three times a year at Ouran. Not that it bothered her of course. Wednesday afternoon; the long work day. Every host would have an extra three designations that afternoon. Kaoru sighed, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.

And as per usual, the Wednesday Club meeting with the manager. Kyouya said that this meeting was of equal if not greater importance. Renge had spent the last three nights devising plans for a Halloween ball, the first large event held by the Host Club Version II since its opening.

Kaoru sat beside Hikaru who was fidgeting and muttering to herself. While the curse of PMS had finally left the club for the time being, Hikaru's stomach pains seemed particularly bad. Either that or she was exaggerating…both were quite possible.

Renge hadn't arrived yet, Kaoru perused the table of customers for the coming day. Working in a pair meant both less work but more need to please. She was in charge of basic background reading on customers. How else could they flatter the boys with such precision? Hikaru was generally in charge of directing the course of events during the actual session. She was the seme after all. Somehow the word 'seme' seemed inappropriate now. Although, Kaoru glanced to her sister, if things kept going like this, she herself may need to take up a more active role.

Running a slender finger down the list of names and activities, she read them in her mind.

_David…Kazuo…Tanaka…Akihiro…Lucas…_

The usual sprinkling of names.

But something made her heart stop, reverse and do a double take.

There was one session. One session; where she was designated alone. She and HIkaru had not been allocated the same customer.

Kaoru's initial reaction was that it was a mix-up. But Kyouya had never mixed up the timetable; never once in the entire Host-club's history. Tamaki had once suggested that he had and had found his Hescafe allowance severely depleted.

The host club were all seated around the coffee table, the twins side-by-side. Kaoru flicked her sister's timetable a quick glance. Hikaru had one free slot when Kaoru was with this customer. Kaoru bit her lip nervously, looking back to the rogue name on her sheet of paper.

_Suda Hiroki; Class 2-B_ – _5.15pm_

Kaoru was lost. No doubt Hikaru would be livid, jealous, hysterical, shattered…or any combination of the four. And if the understanding came about in the wrong way, the ending of Host Club activities for the day as a result of something that Hikaru had done was not inconceivable. Kaoru could see it now; tables overturned, hot tea seeping along the floor, Hunny's Usa-chan splattered with cake.

There was only person who could help her in a time like this.

Kaoru looked up from the sheet of paper a tad too abruptly. Had Hikaru not been clutching a steaming bean bag to her abdomen, she would have noticed her twin's distress. Haruhi was leaning right back into one of the armchairs, looking bored and ill-humoured. His average weekly income had halved upon changing genders and the introduction of Kasanoda to the 'bouncer squad' had halved it again. By the looks of it, he would be paying off his debt with his pension.

But Kaoru didn't get the chance to address him as all activity was interrupted by a Santa Claus-like chuckle and the buzz of an electric motor. Just behind where Tamaki, who was trying to get a good look at what Kyouya was doing on the computer, was sitting, the wedding-cake-like platform was rising. Standing with his back to unimpressed group was Renge, clothed in a short orange wig, a white-trimmed, black robe with a large sword slung over his shoulder.

They allowed him to remain in this pose for a few moments, the only sound being the gentle munching of Hunny on her third cake of the hour.

'Renge-kun, I believe that you're late' Kyouya finally said, not looking up from the Pineapple™ laptop perched daintily on her knees.

'Oh I would apologise, Kyouya-chan, if I were Renge' the faux-carrot-top explained dramatically, still turned away. 'For you see,' he whirled about, 'Today, I am-'

'"Ichigo" from Bleach' Hikaru and Kaoru droned.

Renge almost fell off his platform. He floundered for a moment, robes billowing madly before gaining his composure.

'Yes indeed, you are correct.' Renge admitted, now standing side on to them, head bowed in a look of contemplation, 'Yes I am Kurosaki Ichigo the-'

'I apologise Renge-kun. We don't have time for this' Kyouya said flatly.

Renge really did fall off this time. But he appeared at Kyouya's elbow looking as though nothing had happened.

'As per usual, Kyouya-chan is right. So-ooo' He whipped out eight clipboards, dropping the sword as he did so. He didn't seem to notice although the floor certainly did.

'Here-' he began, handing the cork clipboard to each of the members and keeping one for himself, '-are my plans thus far for the Halloween dance. I've booked the school ballroom and a lighting company for the day and have already decided on your costumes!'

Up until this point, each of the members had been skim-reading the sheets. There were about ten sheets of paper on each clipboard, compiling a list of their duties and the logistics for allocations.

They all stopped abruptly and looked up.

'Costumes?' Tamaki asked.

Renge rolled his eyes, 'It's Halloween! Of _course _you're going to have costumes,' he explained, 'Flip over to page seven'

There was a flutter of paper and a squeal of pain as Tamaki gave herself a paper cut. But she just

Kaoru read:

**Host club dress theme: The seven deadly sins (kyaaah!).**

**1. Suou Tamaki – Pride**

**2. Ootori Kyouya – Greed**

**3. Hitachiin Hikaru – Wrath**

**4. Hitachiin Kaoru – Envy**

**5. Mitsukuni Haninozuka – Gluttony**

**6. Morinozuka Takashi – Sloth**

**('Lust' is not represented as all members are supposedly opposite of said sin. Kyah!)**

Kaoru looked up from the sheet and gave their manager a bored look. She would have asked whether any symbolism had been intended but the ensuing otaku rant would probably have been more than _Hikaru_ could bear.

The club was due to open in about fifteen minutes and Renge was circulating about the group, giving tips, having the odd rant and perhaps a few twirls in his cosplay robe.

Kaoru's mind had returned to his designations for the afternoon. Pulling her school bag out from under the couch, she retrieved her laptop and flipped it open, the screen flickering.

Hikaru gave the screen a glance, before directing her attention to Renge again. She knew the drill, Kaoru did the prep and she read the signs during the designation.

Entering the Ouran student database, courtesy of Kyouya's influence, the host club were able to find a profile for every student in the school. Permanent records, criminal offences, family status, blood type, behaviour and even food allergies would come flying to their fingertips.

As Hikaru's interest in Renge was beginning to wane, Kaoru typed in one of the names for whom they had both been designated.

A-K-I-H-I-R-O

His profile read:

Blood type: O

Date of birth: 4/10/1991

Class: 2-F

Teachers' report: A well mannered boy although of the rowdy sort. Tendency to lose concentration when…

The profile went on for several pages. The official records were in black while any sections to do with previous Host Club history, added by Kyouya, was in blue. Kaoru took a few mental notes before going through the other names.

Before long, it was time to open the club; Haruhi put on Takashi's old blazer to make himself look larger, Tamaki was fixing her hair, Kyouya scribbling on her clipboard, Honey shovelling the remainder of her cake into her mouth and Renge was disappearing before floor level.

Hikaru gave a small moan before forcing herself up off the chair.

'C'mon Kaoru, we better get ready.'

Kaoru seized her chance. Leaning back slightly in a lazy way, she responded:

'Yup. I'll just check up one more and then I'll be with you.'

Giving her sister a quick nod, Hikaru wandered off to the tea bench were several pots of tea were waiting to be distributed about the assorted tables.

As soon as Hikaru had turned her back, Kaoru furiously typed in 'Suda Hiroki'

His profile appeared. It was slightly shorter than some as he must have been transferred in during the last year of middle school.

Name: Suda Hiroki

Blood type: AB

Date of birth: 10/3/1991

Class: 2-B

Teachers' report: …

There didn't seem anything particularly out of the ordinary. But as Kaoru was skimming through his subject list, a small, meek looking word caught her eye. 'Art.' True, the Ouran academy had one of the most well supported art departments in the country. However, few students took the subject even as a hobby. Although the future lives in the workforce was largely already decided for each of the students, care was still advised to take subjects which would allow them to maintain their way of life once leaving school. To Ouran students, art, while a vital aspect to becoming cultured young people, was not an applicable career.

At first glance, Kaoru assumed that this guy was a scholarship student like Haruhi, probably here on some visual arts prize from the school board. But that didn't make sense as his parents owned extensive coastal land as well as a number of museums.

Scanning the page for the blue lettering, she found:

Previous history with Host Club: Nil

'Kaoru! Get over here!'

The twin was jerked from her thoughts as Tamaki called. Haruhi and Kasanoda were now stationed at the doors, preparing to open them

'Ah!'

Kaoru shut down her laptop, shoved it back under the chair and sprinted towards the centre of the room where the other girls were arranged to greet the customers.

Skidding slightly on the waxed floor, Kaoru was steadied by Hikaru who caught her as she slid by. One arm around each others' waists, they stood ready for the onslaught of hormones; together.

_The Host club is now open  
_

* * *

Without a doubt, it had been Kaoru's hardest day of work since their conversion. Although the tears expected of an uke flowed with the utmost ease, working alongside her inner distress, Hikaru was understandably irritable and less willing to play the submissive female impressed by their customers' displays of bravado. Also, Kaoru was repeatedly finding herself distracted, glancing around the music room and at the clock as the hour hand slipped further down the face towards five o'clock. They had both managed to slip past the line.

'The line' was the literal blue pen drawn line on their thighs which they were restricted from raising their skirts. Kyouya didn't want them look like prostitutes and neither did they. The line was a simple way of compensating for their enduring disorientation with their female bodies. Hikaru and Kaoru both slipped about 2cm beyond the line. Somehow, the customers didn't seem to mind. Also young master Lucas had been quite pleased when he found Hikaru and Kaoru both staring at his abs. He wasn't to know that Hikaru was longing for another painkiller and Kaoru's mind might as well have been on Jupiter.

Tamaki, on the other hand was having the time of her life. As a male, she had never been allowed to bat her eyelids so now she was taking full advantage of the technique. Hikaru and Kaoru were starting to get the hang of it as well but as per usual, Tamaki's knowledge of poses, vantage points and grace was flawless. She had been the first of the club to be allowed to entertain more than one boy at a time without fighting. Kaoru guessed that the technique involved holding each of them in prime attention just long enough for the murderous intentions towards each other to ebb away before she moved on to the next boy.

Kaoru could hear snatches of what she was saying. Pure Tamaki gold as per usual. Apparently she had closed her eyes.

'Oh no sir. I wasn't falling asleep, I was merely closing my eyes so that your voice could flood my mind with its gentle tone.'

The breathless voice was impeccable.

Meanwhile, Kyouya had played the 'dropped glasses' act at least seven times so far but none of the guys seemed to notice. Mori, or rather Takashi was currently entertaining one of the huge basketball players. She was naturally more popular amongst the taller boys. She still didn't need to speak much; all she needed to do was smile meekly and take his hand in hers. Meanwhile Hunny had a small crowd of boys surrounding her and her tray. Her conversion had been reasonably simple. Falling asleep on her customers' shoulders was pretty popular.

Five o'clock came around and the twins waved goodbye to Kazuo, the baseball captain. As soon as he disappeared out the door, Hikaru dropped her back into a slouch, clutching her stomach.

'Well I'm glad _that's_ over. Chauvinistic pig. I'm pretty sure he flexed his biceps every two minutes.'

Kaoru couldn't help but smile slightly at this, she began to collect together the tea cups and saucers, saying nothing. Her sister, meanwhile, closed her eyes and stretched, her back cricking.

'So what you want to do? We've got the rest of the afternoon off.'

Kaoru froze in what she was doing.

'Uh…actually…'

Despite Tamaki's failings, she was a common blessing to Kaoru's life.

'We're out of Hescafe!' the blonde trilled, 'Darling son!'

Tamaki had made a smooth transition from King to Queen.

Haruhi, still ushering the boys from the previous allocation slot out the door (Kasanoda was doing the forceful shoving and pummelling) didn't say anything. But that didn't matter, Tamaki was perfectly capable of carrying a conversation on her own.

'Haruhi! Would you mind tootling off to the shop to get us some more supplies?' Tamaki asked, putting her voice in a higher register as she did so.

'Sure. Whatever' the boy replied in a monotone.

Kaoru steeling herself, seized the chance.

'Hikaru, why don't you go with him and get something for your stomach?' she suggested, heart pounding.

'Huh?' Hikaru spun to face Kaoru, trying to see into her head. Kaoru's heart moved into a gallop. Hopefully, Hikaru would just think that she was trying to set her up with Haruhi again.

Tamaki glared.

'As his mother, _I'll _go with him and make sure he gets some aspirin for Hikaru' she hissed, standing up.

Kyouya pressed her pen to her cheek, evaluating the impending cat-fight with blank, bespectacled eyes. Her eyes rested on Kaoru for a moment, performed a rapid flick down to the clipboard, and closed with a sigh.

'Hikaru go with Haruhi.'

'Nani?!' Tamaki rounded on Kyouya, looking murderous.

'Kyouya! That's our son you're talking about! You want him going down to the shops with that hussy?!'

Kaoru stood bolt upright and Hikaru was at her side in a flash. They both faced Tamaki, reflections of one another.

'Hussy!? Who are you calling a hussy?!'

The three participants in the fight all raised their hands, perfecting manicured nails glinting in the afternoon light. Scuffling was _so_ Y age. Bitch-slapping was much better for stinging the ego.

'Stop it all of you.'

The trio turned towards Kyouya. She was giving them a frozen glare from over the tops of her glasses. Kaoru could feel every capillary in her body beginning to freeze over. Perhaps club mum had taken lessons from Kasanoda.

'Hikaru and Haruhi had better get a move on'

Hikaru's face performed an assortment of athletic changes of expression. Resentment towards Kyouya, she had been itching for a fight all day; glee at getting to spend the afternoon with Haruhi; and faint worry mingled with suspicion towards Kaoru.

Seemingly keeping her voice level, Kaoru's twin asked her,

'So what are you going to do?'

Kaoru looked up into what could have been her own eyes and saw both concern and crafty enquiry.

She shrugged. 'I'll be around here.'

The twins held each other's gazes for a few seconds. Finally, Hikaru turned away looking grudgingly satisfied.

'See you 'round then.'

She and Haruhi left the club without another word. Those remaining, save Tamaki who had begun weeping at the loss of her dear son to sin and squalor, all turned to face Kaoru.

'You're next designation starts in ten minutes. Go get yourself cleaned up.' Kyouya said flatly.

Heart slowing now to a brisk trot, Kaoru put a hand to her forehead. It was sweaty and, she now realised, her eyes were tired from the act of holding back tears. She nodded silently and walked as quickly as possible while still looking composed to the bathroom.


	9. Chapter 9

**Mischief mage: **ello! Here's the next chapter. The subplot is probably going to go on a bit longer than i thought it would but it is just a subplot. I'm off to my english exam in a wee bit actually. Yay for me! The next chapter should be up within a week it think. Enjoy and thank you for all your lovely reviews!

* * *

Hikaru glanced around.

'Uh Haruhi?'

'Hm?'

'Do commoners normally stare at people like this?'

The two of them had been walking for ten minutes now and were nearing the bustle of the shopping centre. It was approaching five-twenty and middle aged women were rushing around carrying bags of groceries for their families.

'It's because of the uniforms. We don't get many Ouran students around here.'

'Oh. I didn't think so.'

'It could also be the way you got your limo to drive us two hundred metres down the road to this location.'

'I told you, my stomach hurts.'

They left each other to there thoughts for a moment, but after a while Haruhi asked,

'Is something bothering you?'

Laughing Hikaru replied, 'You never fail to notice do you?'

'Would I be right in thinking it's to do with Kaoru?'

Still grinning slightly, Hikaru nodded.

'I get the idea that he, whoops, she-,' the twins had still not completely adjusted to their genders, '-seemed kinda worried about something.'

Haruhi looked thoughtful.

'If you think that she's worried,' he began slowly, 'you're probably right. The two of you must be pretty tuned to each others' thoughts. But…'

He paused for a moment, putting a finger to his chin and looking up into the sky above the shops which was now turning a pale pink.

'But on the other hand,' he continued, 'if it were something of real importance, I'm sure she would have told you.'

Hikaru looked down. She felt partially reassured. But that still didn't hide the fact that Kaoru hadn't told her something. She bit her lip; she wanted to help Kaoru, whatever the issue was. However, if it were Kaoru's wish to not bother her with it…she wanted to respect that choice as well…but did that mean she didn't know her sister as well as she thought?

Haruhi smiled. It was obvious that Hikaru was still worried.

'You could always ask her later on. She's your sister, she'll be open with you if you ask straight out.'

Giving a sheepish grin, Hikaru pushed the matter to the back of her mind, the empty space being instantly filled, much to her annoyance, by the aching pains in her stomach.

'I presume commoners have aspirin' she said flatly, walking a little faster. Haruhi gave a small laugh and sped up to keep in step.

* * *

When she emerged from the bathroom, face spotless, Kaoru saw that the Host Club was bustling again as the new wave of customers entered through the ornate wooden doors. She saw one unaccompanied customer sitting alone at the Hitachiin table. A lump of ice seemed to have frozen in her throat. It was just another designation. Why did it feel wrong?

Swallowing, Kaoru forced her feet to carry her towards the boy, repeating in her head.

_It's just one designation; just one forty-five minute designation._

'Good afternoon, Hiroki-san' she said in a surprisingly carefree, level voice considering the turmoil going on the pit of her stomach. On the other hand, she had forgotten to call him '-kun.' A host should always give off an aura of familiarity and ease.

'Oh. Good afternoon to you too, Kaoru'

Sitting down beside him, Kaoru shot a glance sideways.

Dark brown hair, slightly tousled, reasonably tall, nice jaw line actually, pleasant profile, reasonably athletic and semi-tanned. Judging by what she could see and his grades and pedigree, a reasonable B grade although he perhaps dropped to a C due to his hermit like habitation of the Art department and his scruffiness. Kaoru remembered that day when they had all sat down around the coffee table and organised the ranking system. That was before Haruhi had arrived of course.

Reaching out, Kaoru took the teapot and poured out two cups. She offered one to him.

'Hiroki-kun?'

'Oh, thank you.' he took it from her, she noted his hands; long slender fingers smudged with colour and charcoal. She hoped that Kyouya wouldn't make her clean his saucer.

Rule number one of being a host. Don't give the customer time to get awkward.

'So I've noticed that this is your first dealing with the club.'

He didn't really look at her but replied perfectly amicably,

'No, this is my first designation actually.'

'What made you decide to come down?'

He chuckled slightly, 'The attraction of pleasurable company of course'

He said this with some irony so Kaoru forced out a laugh despite herself. The ball seemed to be rolling with reasonable momentum now as he said on his own accord,

'I saw you around with your sister a couple weeks ago. You were out in the courtyard and I was up in the art room. I spend a lot of time up there, as you can see.'

He raised one hand in all its coloured glory.

'You enjoy your art?'

Kaoru was still unsure of whether she would be able to pull off the little devil act without Hikaru so she decided to keep going with the pleasantries until Hiroki got tired of it.

'Yes I do, although my parents don't'

'Really? Why not?'

'Because it's not the ideal career for the second son.'

Kaoru almost said that she too was a second son (she was technically) but caught herself just in time.

'What understanding do they have for what is ideal for you?'

Kaoru could have slapped her hand to her mouth. Tactical error; questioning a customer's parents.

Her customer looked surprised too. He looked at her directly for the first time. Green eyes. He looked thoughtful at first but then smiled a sort of small, closed mouth smile.

'None really. I see your point. It shouldn't matter to them anyway, they have my older brother and older sister. They've both already left school. My parents didn't want to be paying for the three of us at once so I didn't enter Ouran until a couple of years ago when my brother graduated.'

'I see.' Kaoru breathed, pleased to have been let off the hook so easily. Judging her own performance, she seemed to be putting on more of Haruhi's 'natural' act than her signature 'little uke devil' act. But Hiroki seemed content which was what matters to a host.

The conversation turned towards classes, subjects, touching on soccer, which he played, teachers and eventually returning to art. Kaoru was starting to settle down now. This guy was reasonably easy and Hikaru was out having fun, completely oblivious.

'Would you say that spending so much time away from people doing your art might affect how you see the world?'

For some of the other customers this would have been insulting, but someone who had designated a little devil ought to be able to deal with it. Kaoru's customer laughed openly.

'I can see where you might get that idea. But I think my view of the world is pretty similar to everyone else's. Speaking of which, what is he doing?'

The boy was motioning towards the far wall where Kasanoda was standing, carrying a tray of roses and looking extremely out of place.

'Uhhh…' The customers weren't meant to know that Haruhi and Kasanoda were strategically placed by the host club; specifically selling roses as gifts for the members. They had to think that it was purely coincidental.

Kyouya had explained, in a more eloquent way that basically, the masses are asses and that they would believe whatever they were told.

'Some of the botany students come by and help with the flower arrangement, in the afternoons.' She said according to the script forced into every member's head, 'I think they like to make a quick yen by selling roses to any enthusiasts.'

'Well I suggest they keep an eye on who they sell them to;' Hiroki said, frowning slightly, 'they're just giving them to you host girls. It would actually be a pretty good business ploy if your manager sold roses specifically for that purpose.'

Kaoru could hardly contain her laughter at his perceptiveness coming so close to the truth but tripping on its own naivety. She glanced at the clock; coming up six. She could get back to her life soon enough. He stood to go.

'Oh. Actually, that reminds me' he said, rummaging about in his blazer pocket. 'Just before I go, I have something for you.'

Hiroki pulled out an A4 sized roll of smudged canvas. He handed it to her, smiled sheepishly and left without another word with, despite his apparent composure, a reddish tinge around the ears.

As the Host club emptied again, Kaoru remained seated. She unrolled the canvas. There, painted, was a plain glass-blown vase in a small room. The room was dark and, judging by the plain brown walls, must have been a commoner house. The table that the vase sat on was equally plain. It was situated by an open window and sunlight was pouring in. In the vase were two flowers; a yellow tulip and a white carnation. The petals were soft, the edges of every ruffle in the carnation catching in the painted light. The flowers seemed to radiate out from the page and, had the smell of paint and musty art rooms not been wafting from the work in her hands, Kaoru would have sworn to have been able to smell their sweet fragrance.

Kaoru blinked.

'Kyouya-san, how many bookings has one Suda Hiroki made?'

The dark haired vice president gave a meek farewell to her customer before referring to her clipboard.

'Hmmm. Every afternoon until next Wednesday on which he's booked a dance with you at the party.' She said thoughtfully. 'It seems Renge has already sent out invitations.'

Kaoru stared down at the painting.

_Uh oh.  
_

* * *

The most important rule of any Host club (besides customer enjoyment) was that a host was strictly prohibited from returning affection or stringing a customer along unnecessarily i.e. if a pledge of love was made the customer was to be rejected as quickly, as politely as possible. All host club customers were expected to be acquainted with this as were the hosts due to the strain any such affairs would place on business. The Ouran host club had in fact had fewer such scenarios since their transformation. Even before that Kaoru and Hikaru had never had to turn anyone down because their customers largely designated them for the twin love act. Of course there had been those incidents with girls in the middle school. Although she had participated whole-heartedly in those events, she was beginning to regret them as she grew older. Haruhi's influence probably had something to do with it.

'Kaoru? Wake uuuuuup.'

'Eh?'

The twins were now in the family limousine; on their way home. Kaoru realised that she couldn't remember much of the trip at all.

'Oh. Sorry, Hikaru; just tired a guess. So what did you and Haruhi get up to at the shops?'

'Well I first got some aspirin which helped and we got our Lady some coffee. We would have come back sooner but there was a sale on at the local warehouse.' Hikaru grinned, 'the number of sales around is amazing. The stores must be losing a lot'

'Hah. Not surprising that they're all commoners ne?'

The two shared a laugh.

'So what did you get up to without me?' Hikaru asked, taking a sip from a can of juice taken from the limousine cooler.

Kaoru waved her hand uninterestedly, 'Nothing much. Just hung about'

It wasn't entirely a lie.

'Hah; figured as much. Oh, Haruhi says that we have costume fittings Friday night for the party.'

Hikaru leaned back, a smile on her face.

'Envy and Wrath, huh?' she said.

'You could say the two go hand in hand.'

'Haha, yeah.'

Kaoru lay her hand down over that of her sister's, who squeezed her index finger slightly. At a glance, as they pulled into their driveway, there was no way of telling whose fingers were whose and where their hands began and ended.

'Yeah…'

'Poor Kao-chan'

Takashi and Hunny had been accustomed to exchanging rides home for as long as they could remember. This afternoon was no different, the two of them in the back of a long black limousine, Hunny accompanied by deliciously sweet cake and deliciously cute bunny.

'She's never had to turn down someone by herself before.'

Takashi nodded.

'Especially not someone as serious as this guy. Do you remember him, Takashi? His class often auctioned off his art.'

'Vaguely.'

'I wonder how Kao-chan feels about it.'

'It depends on whether she has feelings for Haruhi.'

'Oh!' Hunny started, 'I had forgotten about that! But she knows that Hikaru likes him…and Kyou-chan told her to let him down as soon as he confesses.'

'She might not if she likes Hiroki and values Haruhi and Hikaru's relationship over her own.'

'That's true. But then Hika-chan will be hurt…and Kao-chan won't be able to be a host any more…'

Her companion didn't comment.

'If she does do what Kyou-chan says, she doesn't know how to turn anyone down. You'll help her right, Takashi?'

Mori smiled slightly and nodded. The matter was concluded for the day. Hunny took a large bite of cake to signify this. If she were quick she'd get to eat another before arriving home.

* * *

The phone rang. Brushing flour off his shirt front as he did so, Haruhi pulled his borrowed cell phone from his pocket. His dad wasn't home yet so he was busy getting dinner ready. As a rule, he never had his cell phone on but he had promised Hikaru that he would make himself contactable for just that night.

'Hello?'

'Haruhi?' said Hikaru's voice from the other line, there was a slight tone of anxiety.

'What is it?'

'Kaoru said it was nothing. She said that nothing was really bothering her and that she's just tired.'

'Well that's good isn't it? It must not be a big deal.'

'But…'

Haruhi sighed, stretching out her other arm.

'But you're worried that she's hiding something important from you.'

Normally, he would let them sort it out themselves but the fact that Kaoru, Hikaru's usual confidant, was the person at the centre of the issue, he felt it was his duty to mediate for the time being.

'Couldn't _you_ ask her what's going on?' Hikaru asked, half pleadingly.

'No,' Haruhi said flatly, 'That's not fair. If she doesn't want to tell you that's up to her. Besides, I'm sure it isn't a big deal. She might just be tired like she said.'

There was no answer.

'Tell you what; we'll both watch her over the next few days. If it really is just a small matter, it should go away pretty soon; if it's a big deal then we can decide what to do. Okay?'

There was a sound of assent from the other end.

'See you tomorrow Hikaru'

Another murmur. Haruhi hung up.

Phone in hand, he scrolled through his contact list of two; Kaoru and Hikaru. Was Hikaru just being paranoid, or was Kaoru really up to something?

* * *


	10. Chapter 10

_Bill. Bill. Bill. Fanmail. Bill. Fan mail. Fanmail. Fanmail. Bill. Bill. Bill. Fanmail. Fanmail. Fanmail. Roses. Chocolates. Bill. Death threat. Bill. Bill. Fanmail. Fanmail. Fanmail. _

Tamaki loved getting mail.

Cross-legged on the rug, Tamaki was sorting a wad of mail large enough to fill a large bathtub into piles according to which Host they belonged to.

As a general rule, Tamaki got the most fanmail and she took great pleasure in opening everyone and perusing their contents, eyes glistening. However, on particular days of the week Kyouya had a larger stack of mail as letters to her were often the size of a short novel (the 'meeker' Hosts got the accordingly sincere and passionate customers) and they were accompanied with bills of everything from costume hire to Hunny's daily sweet allowance.

Meanwhile the other hosts received letters, packages of food, flowers (Kyouya liked these gifts, it saved on floral deliveries,) jewellery, dresses and even the occasional stalker-ish photograph.

A very large proportion of the mail today was for Haruhi. As a fossil of the Y age, he was receiving, on average, twenty requests a day to re-enter active participation as a host. Kyouya generally let him read them and then used them as kindling for the fireplace in the winter.

Having sorted all the mail out into neat, separate mounds, Tamaki called out: 'Mail!' She then grabbed her pile and hurried over to the couches where she plonked herself down and began to read. It had been a long day and fanmail _always_ cheered her up.

Haruhi came over from the 'bouncer wall' to join in the mail-opening. Kasanoda hadn't arrived yet and to be honest, it was one of his favourite activities; sitting around the table together, reading letters of praise and pleading from customers, drinking coffee, taking the odd chocolate from someone's gift box, occasionally laughing at some poor soul's handwriting or signature.

'Hey, take a look at this!' Hikaru and Kaoru said in unison, giggling at a letter they had just opened.

The letter was passed around from Hunny, to Takashi, to Kyouya and to Haruhi. He glanced up and down the paper.

'I only know what three of these words mean… But from what I can gather they all refer to what he wants to do to your…' He pulled a face.

'What? Let me see!' Tamaki whined. She was particularly prone to the kaleidoscope effect, the feeling that a person gets when his or her friend is looking through a kaleidoscope, oohing and aahing, while the unfortunate one has no idea what's going on.

Snatching it from her 'son', Tamaki's eyes did a similar up-down of the sheet before going pale.

'Kyouya! Burn this letter and put a note of it on this boy's customer profile! I never want to see his name ever again!' she said, holding the letter at arm's length as though it were a rabid animal.

It was snatched out of her hand by Kaoru.

'That doesn't seem fair' she said, synchronised with her twin, 'He's our customer and he's one of the easiest of the lot. We've never met such an airhead…well…except perhaps milord of course.' They both grinned widely.

Tamaki would have leapt over the table at the twins had Kyouya not grabbed the hem of her skirt. The result was a face plant, scattering packages everywhere.

Haruhi seemed to be thinking.

'Um…what does mean?'

There was a minor eruption in the host club as Tamaki tried to slap one hand over each ear and then another over Haruhi's mouth.

'Mother! Haruhi's using bad language and it's all the twins' fault!'

'hmno ah hont oh hwa ee eeth' Haruhi mumbled

'Huh?' Tamaki removed her hand from Haruhi's mouth.

'I said that I don't know what it means.'

The twins didn't have time to react before a heavy cuboid package came down on each of their heads, propelled by Tamaki.

'Idiots! See what you have done?! You're sullying his mind with your perverted ways!'

'He might not have realised it was a swear word if you hadn't reacted like that' the accused chorused.

Tamaki put both hands to her mouth, sitting down once more with a look of self-loathing etched on her face. Of course, Haruhi had been aware that it was a swear word but the twins didn't feel like letting their Lady know that.

The heavy package that had hit the twins over the head had fallen into Hikaru's lap. The Host Club queen silenced, Kaoru glanced at it, instantly recognising the art department stationary. Only one customer came from the art department.

'Oh, Hikaru, here's one' she said quietly, reaching over to grab the parcel whilst covering the incriminating fact there was only one name on the address with her wrist.

The package now in her grasp, Kaoru flipped it over so she could open it and so that the addressee's name was face down.

Consciously opening it with a great deal more haste than she would have liked to suggest lack of interest, she peeled back the layers of brown paper, smudged with pastel. Lifting up the paper out fell: a book.

'Huh?' Hikaru reached over her sister's leg and picked up what looked like a medium-sized dictionary. Kaoru quickly scrunched up the wrapping and flicked it into the pile of discarded paper.

'A household guide to flower arrangement and European flower symbolism' Hikaru read allowed, her flawless forehead creasing in a look of bemusement, '…odd. Who sent it?'

Kaoru shrugged, 'No name. But it's not the weirdest thing we've been sent.'

'That's true. I still keep the voodoo told of our lord on my bedside table. I've been waiting for a chance to give it a go.'

Tamaki was jerked from her wallowing by the sound of the occult and her title in the same sentence.

'Who sent you that doll?' she demanded, wringing her hands.

Kaoru allowed Hikaru to wind Tamaki up, taking the chance to flick through the pages of the book sent by Hiroki. The festive pages were filled with diagrams of exactly how to lay out flowers, of ratios of flowers to greenery and of colour themes. Kaoru was gradually beginning to lose interest until she reached what seemed to be a crude bookmark. It must have been torn from the corner of a sketchbook, it was thicker and coarser than most paper. On the following page, under the heading, 'Meanings of flowers' there was a table compiling an extensive list of flowers what they possibly represented. As a host and aristocrat, Kaoru knew many of these of course. Red roses for love, daffodils for regard, white roses for purity and so on. But on the other hand, there were a great number that she had never known about: alstromeria for prosperity, azaleas for abundance, and hibiscuses for delicate beauty and larkspur for an open heart. Kaoru also noticed that nearly every representation had an opposite. Larkspurs could also represent fickleness, azaleas could also mean fragility. Bewildered, she slipped it into her bag wordlessly.

Just as Kaoru was about to come to her sister's aid in arguing with Tamaki, there was a thundering crash as the double doors were flung open with degrading force.

'Mitsukuni' came a voice of deep loathing from the doorway.

'Chika-chan' Hunny breathed; a forkful of strawberry cake half-way to her mouth.

'En garde!'

By the time the fork clattered onto its matching saucer, the siblings had already met in mid-air. There was a thud as Hunny parried one of Chika's blows and another as the two combatants landed simultaneously on the polished floor. Drawing shuriken from his uniform pockets, Chika somersaulted backwards, sending his projectiles in his older sibling's direction with well-honed technique. Leaping sideways, Hunny avoided the attacks with ease, sprinted about a semi-circle and lunged at her brother just as he landed. He caught her fist and the two grappled with each other, beads of sweat forming at their temples.

Suddenly, in a spilt second, Hunny had floored her brother with such force that he actually bounced a short distance off the tiles. But he didn't seem to notice. Instead, sliding on the seat of his pants, he seemed to be pushing himself as far away from Hunny as possible, looking as though he would pass out at any moment.

The victor approached cautiously, as did the rest of the club a few steps behind her,

'Chika…-chan?'

He gibbered for a few moments. As his back knocked the wall of the music room, his head darted about in panic before screaming for all and sundry to hear:

'AAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNN!'

'Eh?'

'AAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNN!!!'

'Speak up we can't hear you,' Hikaru said sarcastically.

'He said "Alien"' Mori explained from the rear of the group.

Yasuchika seemed to have only just noticed the rest of the Host Club, his eyes widened in uncomprehending panic as he took them in through his bespectacled eyes.

Tamaki, moved by his distress, stepped forward, hand outstretched,

'I wouldn't recommend that' Kyouya advised from behind her clipboard.

'What's the matter?' Tamaki said soothingly, ignoring what would be considered sage wisdom, 'We don't bite.'

But Yasuchika obviously did. It took Tamaki a whole ten seconds to flick the middle school student from her right hand. At last the boy was removed from her arm and she was free to scream that she wanted a rabies cure _right now_, harmonised by Yasuchika's resumed screeches of 'Alien.' The twins stuffed their fists in their ears but it did no good.

Over the wailing of Hunny's brother and Host Queen, no one noticed another figure dart in through the open doors. It ran up behind the club, vaulted over them, landing on the ground before Yasuchika and bringing a kendo stick down on his head with a crack like thunder.

Tamaki stopped wailing immediately. Yasuchika also stopped but only for a split second due to the surprise. His mouth was very quickly open again as he yelled:

'SATOSHI YOU IDIOT! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!'

Wincing, the twins experimentally removed their hands from their ears as Satoshi stood up. For Haruhi, the likeness between Satoshi and his older sister Takashi was striking. Yasuchika and Satoshi were both in their third year of middle school and possibly as close as Takashi was to Hunny although the roles of hyperactive and grim were reversed.

Wagging a finger in his short friend's face, Satoshi explained in an air of maddening morality:

'It's not proper for a son of the Haninozuka family to cause such a racket.'

'Satoshi, what are you doing here?' Mori asked, stepping out from the group.

'Oh. Sister!' All aside from Mori were stunned at his address.

'Yasuchika was sent by his father to see what had happened to Hunny-senpai! Apparently he's been locking himself in his room and leaving home before anyone else has gotten up. Yasuchika ran off as soon as he got out of class and I decided to accompany him to make sure he behaved himself.'

Tamaki inched up behind Takashi, put a hand on her shoulder and said, in a quivering voice.

'You…told…him?'

Takashi nodded.

'And…he's…okay with this?'

Satoshi gave an eager nod, 'I trust sister. I wasn't sure that it was really him the first night he came home but she still beat me at kendo with the same ease that my brother does. Takashi was the greatest older brother and a great example to the Morinozuka clan! It's exactly the same now except I have a sister instead!'

Tamaki's eyes leaked at the boy's heartfelt proclamation of his sibling's…perfection.

'Such devotion, such trust' she gibbered, 'it's – so – _beautiful_. Kyouya, remember to induct Satoshi into the Host club next year!'

'Satoshi you dimwit!'

Yasuchika had spoken for the first time in a wee while. All turned to face him as he stood up, legs shaking.

'Don't you see?' he asked, voice quavering as he pointed at the Host Club. 'Look at them. Their all freaks! Cross-dressers! That's why Mitsukuni has been hiding himself from his family! Because he really is an alien!'

'No. It's because he has an anal-retentive little brother' the twins said in a monotone.

But Yasuchika just ignored them. He cast his eyes down as though unable to look upon the monstrosities before him. It was a bad idea as he didn't see Satoshi's fist coming down on his jaw.

'Show some respect for your elders and your brother!' the dark haired youth demanded, putting his hands on his hips.

Yasuchika spat a small amount of blood onto the floor. 'Satoshi you fool, can't you see them for the perverts that they are! Even your brother is one of them!'

Hunny's brother realised that he had made a mistake within three seconds; that is, the length of time it took for Satoshi to lift the smaller boy high up above his head and throw him across the room.

Satoshi was upon him again before Yasuchika had gotten up, groaning from the pile of overturned chairs. The taller boy grabbed the front of his uniform and hissed,

'Never. Insult. Takashi. Again'

He raised up his fist but never got the chance to strike as Yasuchika pushed himself up off the ground, throwing Satoshi off balance. Two hands on the ground, the shorter boy aimed a kick at his friend's face who deflected it with his forearm.

'Uh' Haruhi stepped cautiously towards the sparring pair, 'shouldn't someone stop them?'

Hunny shook her head sadly. 'It no longer concerns us, to stop them would spawn enmity. By battling it out a victor is decided under terms that our families understand.'

Takashi nodded in agreement.

There as a faint click as Kyouya retracted the tip of pen.

'So that may be,' she said, 'However, I am afraid that I must side with Haruhi in this instance, it's stalling club activities.' As she spoke, she gestured towards the still gaping doors of the Music room through which a large number of customers were now gathering. The majority were floating on the threshold anxiously, following the fight, but a reasonable number had stepped right into the room and were now making their way to the group of hosts. The risk of grievous bodily harm is no match for teenage hormones apparently.

Hunny and Takashi both looked imploringly to Kyouya, begging with their eyes (well…more Hunny anyway) to leave their brothers as they were.

Kyouya returned their gaze, expressionless for almost a minute. If she blinked, Haruhi must have missed it. Finally, she sighed and crossed something off her clipboard.

'Fine. We shall cancel today's activities. However, the cost of compensation for our customers will come from you.' She said sternly, fixing Hunny and Takashi with a look that could have pierced Tamaki's skull.

Kaoru almost began giggling hysterically with relief. Amongst the heads bobbing around on the threshold of the music room, she had seen that which belonged to Hiroki. At least she wouldn't have to deal with him or Hikaru until later. She felt a pang of guilt at happily putting off telling them both what was going on.

But she didn't get long to dwell on such thoughts as she felt her sister's hand slide into hers as into a glove. 'Come on;' Hikaru said, 'let's go help get the furniture out of the way before Yasuchika and Satoshi flatten the place.'


	11. Chapter 11

**Mischief mage: **Argh. I am so slack slack slack slack. I'm sorry for the lateness of this update! I'm also sorry for those of you who thought that this subplot was going to be short. It's still just a subplot but it's going to take longer than i originally though. I shall also apologise in advance for some oddness in this chapter but then again some of you should be used to it now hehe

But aside from all that i hope you enjoy! Thank you for all your reviews!

* * *

'Hikaru, turn that flashlight off. Can't you see it's disconcerting our guests?' 

There was a click as Hikaru grudgingly put the large torch in her hands away. As the unnatural light left the room, a number of dark hooded figures began to edge slowly from the murk of the Dark Magic Club room.

There was a gulp from Tamaki as the figures drew themselves to full height, incongruous in the gleaming room, Friday afternoon light pouring jauntily in through the windows.

'You have a prototype?' Kyouya asked, business like.

'Yes indeed, Kyouya-san' Nekozawa replied, slightly hesitantly, not entirely at ease with the dark haired girl before her. The rest of the Dark Magic Club, while they themselves had not been witness to the terror of the shadowy demon queen of the Host Club, had never seen their club leader so… spooked. They shrunk sideways into his shadow.

'This is our third prototype. It has shown promise in the preliminary stages of testing' Nekozawa went on, holding up a venom green pill.

'Indeed. What were you testing it on?'

'…'

'Out with it.'

'Cats.'

'Ah. I had guessed as much.'

The robed group gazed down at their feet, concealed by the black hems.

'We refuse to try this product without some evidence of safety for human usage. I recommend testing it further before bringing anything to us, perhaps on a human.'

In terms of use of word choice, Kyouya's statement was merely sensible and firm. In terms of her tone of voice, Nekozawa was tempted to throw caution to the winds and take the little green pill himself, just to escape the girl's gaze. Hikaru and Kaoru sighed openly, there went the chance for wearing pants to the next family function.

'Where's Satoshi when you need him? He would have been a willing test subject' Hikaru muttered, 'It was a joke, Takashi' she went on.

The black figures receded back into the darkness whence they came, but not before handing Kyouya one of the green pills.

'Right' Kyouya said handing out sheets of paper, laying the pill next to her laptop to send out for chemical analysis later on. 'Here are your designations.'

Kaoru scanned hers and of course there was Hiroki's name, nestled guiltily, second on the list. She didn't know how she was going to avoid Hikaru today. As expected, Hikaru had an empty slot after their first designation with that fool from the football club.

'Come on, Hikaru' she said, walking past, 'let's go get ready.'

Hikaru groaned but followed nonetheless, 'It's that airhead from the football club again. That guy is far too easy. I'm getting tired of it.'

'It's not so bad, surely? He lasted for quite a while last time considering his standards…'

'Meaning he got a nosebleed twenty minutes into the session rather than ten. Brilliant'

Kaoru thought for a moment.

'How about we liven it up a bit then?'

'Huh?'

'See how far we can push this guy before he breaks.'

'That's a bit cruel don't you think?'

'You have a problem with that?' Kaoru asked, but she knew what the answer was of course.

'Who me? Never. It should be an amusing game, short lived though.'

'Can't have everything I guess.'

As they collected the tea tray for the session, Kaoru spied Tamaki chasing a number of invading girls from Haruhi. The concocting twin looked down to the tray in her hands. Her eyes did another lap from Tamaki to the tea, taking a detour along the way to the little green pill.

* * *

'Good Afternoon, Hayato-kun' 

The twins sat down on either side of the stocky boy; relatively uncommon as it separated the twins and partially restricted their act. As they did so, they also hitched their skirts to regulation height and straightened their shirts which each had one regulation button undone. This was already a step up from his usual treatment. Normally they played the 'Which one is Hikaru-chan' game for the whole time as it was one of the only activities that didn't give the jock nosebleeds.

The boy grinned chauvinistically but blushed nonetheless. It was bizarre that he kept coming back. Hadn't the humiliation of at least five public nosebleeds taught him anything? But that's hormones for you.

'Afternoon ladies.'

Kaoru's mind accelerated into a sprint, not so much racing as lapping the competition, spurred on by necessity. Talking points…talking points…talking points that would incapacitate a sixteen year old boy in a way that only girls could while remaining within host club guidelines. Renge and Kyouya had been very clear on that. The line between Hostess and…the other thing was like a length of nylon; damn near impossible to see but always there to trip up the unwary. So, removed from their discussion topics were: food stuffs, the night, showers or other cleanliness related activities, pale or white clothes, tools, guns, certain types of machinery, cars, uniforms and certain buildings. It has largely been a hit and miss compilation process as the twins explored multiple spring boards for the twin love act. A blood nose was okay while anything requiring a bucket of ice was sent straight to the 'Dangerous-innuendo' list.

Often the best thing to do was let whoever the guy was talk and then slot something in to whatever it was they seemed to be thinking about the most.

'So what exciting plans have you got lined up for this weekend?' Hikaru asked as usual, crossing one leg over the other.

'Not much. Just a bit of football practice, might go to captain's party or help the servants walk the dogs.'

Unnoticed by Hayato, Hikaru and Kaoru's flawless smiles turned briefly to grimaces. Parties were largely considered off limits as a conversation topic by common sense and the steamy changing room full of male bodies would only have worked in the Y age. That left them with dog walking.

'That's nice of you, helping out with the dogs.' Kaoru remarked sweetly.

'Most of them are mine anyway. I'm getting better at it but I can still only keep control of two or three of them at most.'

'Hmmm' went Hikaru, putting both hands behind her head, 'Kaoru and I have only taken a dog for a walk once and that was Antoinette.'

Kaoru grinned sincerely at the memory. During one of Tamaki's explore-the-commoner-way-of-life moods, he had roped the twins into walking his perpetually hyperactive dog. It was always easier to fabricate something from a real event.

'I remember that' Kaoru said, leaning forward to look across Hayato's lap at Hikaru, 'You were better at it than I was.'

_Debatable._

Hikaru laughed.

'Yeah I was. I'll never forget when I gave you the lead and she tied you to the lamp post. It was impressive.'

_Yes perhaps that _had_ happened._

Kaoru frowned. 'It wasn't that funny. You didn't help me for_ ages_ and even when you did you couldn't untie me for a full ten minutes.'

_Untrue._

'It _was_ funny in a way. Besides, I just wanted to watch you squirm for a bit. I wasn't the only one who liked it. The only reason I did even _tried_ to untie you because those random guys were staring.'

_False._

Kaoru's eyes widened.

'You were…jealous?'

Hikaru grinned and reached a hand across Hayato's legs, taking Kaoru by the hand. Linked they rested on his lap. The boy gulped.

'Maybe I was' Hikaru conceded, 'But why not? There's something appealing about you when you're tied up. It was just as well as it wasn't windy.'

'It _was _windy remember? It was so embarrassing, stuck to a pole in the icy wind.'

'But I wiped away your tears didn't I?'

Kaoru grinned bashfully.

'Yes.'

'And I did untie you in the end?'

'Yes.'

'And I was the one tied up when we played again that night didn't I?'

_About as real as the Easter Bunny. Don't tell Hunny i said that.  
_

But that did it. It was too much. The twins pushed themselves off his lap but were not fast enough to miss the minor storm of blood issuing from Hayato's nose.

'Eurgh' Hikaru groaned, standing up and holding her blood sodden sleeve at arm's length.

Still bleeding, Hayato took a roll of toilet paper from Haruhi who had rushed to the bathroom as soon as he had seen the crimson seeping across the floor. The wretched boy pushed the whole roll to his nose and tipped his head back.

Suddenly, Kyouya was at their table. 'Hayato-kun, the twins will escort you to the nurse's office.'

She shot the bloody twins an equally blood-thirsty look that clearly said that they had better finish their designation in the nurse's office or else they would find a squadron of armed troops outside their house when they returned home.

'Right.'

Taking Hayato by the arm, Hikaru began to lead him towards the door.

'Coming Kaoru?'

Glancing back, she saw Kaoru rooted to the spot, staring at the blood on the ground.

'Kaoru?'

'I…feel a bit faint.'

Within seconds Hayato was standing alone and Hikaru was holding Kaoru's arm worriedly.

'Want to come and see the nurse?'

'No…it's okay. I'll just take…a lie down in the prep room. We don't have a designation after this so I should be fine…'

Hikaru still looked worried.

'I'll be back soon.'

'Nonono, it's okay. Take your time.'

Kaoru's sister blinked, confused.

'_Go_'

Hikaru stood up and, with one last look at Kaoru, she returned to Hayato, wondering how Kaoru could have developed a fear of blood when she had never had one before. She mentally noted it.

As the door closed, Kaoru stepped closer to Kyouya.

'If she comes back while I'm with Hiroki, could you stall her?' she asked quietly.

If anything, Kaoru was relieved, her original plan of spiking his drink with the prototype pill would have been messy…well…more messy. A fear of blood didn't take a very large stretch of imagination so she had only needed to lie about having a free slot.

However Kyouya looked at her and said very shortly, 'No.'

Kaoru felt a prick of fear, if Hikaru came back just as she was starting her designation…

'Why not?' she asked quietly.

Sighing Kyouya pushed her glasses up the ridge of her nose.

'Not that I care much about what happens between you and your sister, but you're walking a precarious line. If you fail in concealing this issue from your sister, we won't be able to market your sibling love act and thus we will lose customers. Also,' the dark haired girl's glasses flashed, 'I refuse to play any part in this pantomime and I advise you to end this drama quickly as the longer you spin it out the more tangled it will become and the more people that will be hurt. Would you like to be the sole reason for the dissolution of the Host Club?'

It felt as though a weight had been hung about Kaoru's neck.

'No…' she whispered.

Kyouya clicked her pen, 'Incidentally, your next customer is due soon. I recommend that you start your designation early and take your customer out of the room should your sister return.'

'…right'

Hanging her head, Kaoru turned from Kyouya and wandered over to where Haruhi was cleaning up the blood.

'Hey Haruhi,' she said sadly, sitting down on one of the chairs.

'Kaoru…'

They were silent for a moment.

'Kaoru, what are you playing at?'

'Oh, you overheard?'

Haruhi nodded.

Briefly, Kaoru outlined her dilemma, starting from Suda Hiroki's apparent infatuation and finishing with her most recent plot to put Hikaru out of harm's way. Haruhi looked up from what he was doing while she spoke, eyes widening. When she had finished, he opened his mouth to speak but Kaoru cut him off.

'Haruhi I know what you're thinking, that I should tell Hikaru. But please, she's my sister and I don't want to hurt her. Just let me work this out on my own. I won't ask you to lie for me, but just don't tell her…okay?'

The boy looked dubious, but nodded silently.

'Thanks.'

After changing her bloody shirt in the prep room, Kaoru wandered over in the direction of the music room door. She could drag Suda away to finish the designation elsewhere. It wasn't unheard of; Takashi's designations often took place outside. Her path was intercepted by one concerned Hunny.

'Kao-chan! Are you alright?'

Kaoru smiled meekly. She shouldn't be surprised. Hunny always seemed to know what was going on underneath. She shared that knack with Haruhi and Kyouya.

'I'm fine Hunny-senpai, I can sort this out.'

'But why do you need to do it alone?'

'The situation would already be hurtful to Hikaru as it is. To involve the rest of the club while keeping her out of the loop would be truly spiteful. My best option is to sort it out without her knowing.'

'Is it really that bad?' Hunny asked quietly.

Kaoru was silent for a moment. The senior could probably guess most of it but she didn't want to tell her exactly how bit this thing was. There was the jealousy, the panic Hikaru would feel that someone wholly unknown to her had invaded their world. And besides all that, Kaoru knew how Hikaru possessed Haruhi, she didn't want to know how her sister would react if it seemed like she, her twin, were straying from her grasp into that of Suda Hiroki, even if it were on a purely Hostess-customer basis.

So instead, she just said:

'Can you imagine how Hikaru would react if she found out that I was preferred over her?'

Hunny's eyes of the same named colour saddened. Perhaps it was from disappointment that Kaoru hadn't been entirely open with her.

'It's all for Hika again?'

Hunny's insight had succeeded again. Kaoru nodded.

'Did you ever think that maybe Hika-chan would rather that trusted her to understand what you're going through?'

Kaoru didn't answer. Instead, after a brief pause, she asked:

'Hunny-senpai, if Hikaru comes back, can you keep her from looking for me?'

Sighing, the small girl nodded.

'Thank you.' Kaoru began to continue to walk towards the door. Even without turning her head, she knew that Hunny was watching her go.


	12. Chapter 12

**Mischief mage: **I'm sorry. i'm such a liar. I said i'd get in an update within a week of the last chapter. Did I? Nope. Anyway, here's the next chapter. Another more serious one. I promise insanity in the next chapter (it's already written, just needs tweaking.) thank you for your patience!!

* * *

Suda Hiroki was indeed hanging about just outside the door of the music room. As Kaoru wandered up to him, a number of the other boys around the door quietly flexed their muscles. She ignored them.

'Afternoon, Hiroki-kun'

He turned abruptly at her voice.

'Kaoru! Are you alright?! I just saw Hikaru go past covered in blood! And…'

He cried out and made a motion to grab her arm which was still stained with a fleck of dried blood that she had failed to clean off. She jerked her arm away as gently as possible as not to offend him. Those were the rules. Grabbing was a definite no-no...unless if you were the girl of course.

'Come on.' She walked quickly by him, taking his arm in her hands. Kaoru had to get out of sight of the music room before Hikaru returned.

'But…'

'We'll have our designation outside today.' She said quickly.

'But…the bloo-'

'It's nothing.'

Chest heaving, Kaoru half dragged the boy along the corridor. He was so_clueless_ as to the trouble he had caused her and the words of Kyouya and Hunny were still reverberating in her mind.

'_Would you like to be the sole reason for the dissolution of the Host Club?'_

'_Did you ever think that maybe Hika-chan would rather that trusted her to understand what you're going through?'_

But it was a little bit too late for that wasn't it? She would have to conceal her concealment with further plots. Her heart was taking the express escalator into her throat and the fact that she was dragging the innocent cause of all her problems along behind her didn't help.

'Kaoru! What's wrong?'

She stopped abruptly.

'Nothing.' She said, facing away from him. They were now a short distance from the door that led to courtyard.

'It's never "nothing"' he said, taking a step towards her.

'You're right about that.' she conceded, laughing dryly. Aware of his approach, she walked a short distance away.

'Then why can't l –'

She spun about, almost angry now, nearly all evidence of the accommodating Hostess gone. While Kaoru was perhaps better at containing her emotions than Hikaru, when they built up, they didn't have any less violence than those of her sister. She glared at him; his tousled hair, rolled up sleeves, smudged fingers, concerned green eyes. It occurred to her that he clearly wasn't entirely of Japanese descent but she didn't care at that moment; all she saw was the one person who inadvertedly could deal Hikaru an emotional blow the size of an atomic bomb. She couldn't let that happen.

Trying to calm down, she muttered, struggling to steady her voice: 'It's none of your concern.'

'But is it to do with your sister?' he said in a hushed voice.

It felt as though the floor between them had cracked and gaped open to show nothing but black depths.

'How…' Kaoru began, directing all her energy to steadying her shaking shoulders, 'How…does…everyone know?'

Hiroki looked out the door, saving her the shame of almost crying sincerely in front of a customer.

'You're twins and even for twins you and your sister are insanely close. Any attack from outside is deflected by your support for one another, right? So…' he glanced back at her. 'So for anything to have upset you this badly, it must have come from inside your barrier…'

Kaoru's cheeks burned at being so easily read. If this guy could tell what was bothering her, how long would it take for Hikaru to find out; either by her own guessing or through an outsider's careless words?

They remained standing a few metres apart a short distance from the threshold of the door to the courtyard.

Wiping the very beginnings of tears from her eyes as though uncaring, Kaoru spoke.

'I…' she considered her position. Hiroki was obviously one to read between the lines and he must know that he had found the truth as to the source of her distress. But she was not about to tell him everything. Absolutely not. She didn't trust him completely and to make another her confidant would be the final act of betrayal to Hikaru. If she were going to hide something from her twin, she would have to do it alone.

'I'm hiding a secret from Hikaru' she said, holding her hands behind her back to hide how tightly she was clutching them. If that didn't satisfy his curiosity then that was just too bad.

He seemed to think for a moment.

'You're not going to let me know anything else are you?'

'No.'

'Alright then. Shall we go?'

'Huh?'

'I still have half an hour of time, don't' I?'

'Oh' Kaoru roughly shook herself. 'Of course. Let's go see the maze.'

Together they wandered out into the autumn light. What Kaoru couldn't understand was: if danger had been averted yet again, why did she feel like such a criminal?

* * *

'Takashi-senpai?' 

The towering girl glanced downward to meet a pair of honey coloured eyes gazing back up at her.

'Where's Kaoru? She wasn't in the prep room' Hikaru asked urgently.

Takashi paused for a moment; thinking.

'She went for a walk to clear her head.'

'Oh ok! Where? I'll go find her!'

'I don't know. But you have another designation soon.'

Hikaru seemed to grow more panicked.

'Screw the designation! I need to make sure she's okay-'

'No you do not.'

Both the girls looked up to see Kyouya a short distance away, crossing something out with her pen, a customer reading adoringly over her shoulder.

'Your escapade earlier has already cost the club in compensation for Hayato-san. If the next designation is not completed, both you and your sister will have to pay the penalty.'

'Urp.' Said Hikaru, not at all keen to find out what that penalty may be. But she quickly recovered. 'I'll take him out into the gardens and find Kaoru.'

'Not a good idea.' Kyouya said grinning slightly, 'You see, your next customer is from the Dark Magic club. You wouldn't want to cause him such discomfort would you?'

Judging by Hikaru's face, her thoughts went along the lines of 'bitch of a vice-president.' However, the Hitachiin steeled herself to the task and trudged off, throwing one last concerned look out the window.

Takashi stood very still. Hunny was climbing up onto her back, just as she used to.

'It was a good lie.'

She nodded.

'But Kaoru didn't asked to you lie for her.'

'But she would've liked _you_ to.'

'Hum. You didn't want to mislead Hikaru like that did you? I know that you sympathise with her position.'

There was a slight pause before Takashi conceded with a nod.

Hunny lay her head against her friend's shoulder and sighed.

'I sometimes think this club spends too much time trying to please others and not enough time looking after themselves.'

* * *

'So how bad was it?' 

'Oh it was bad.'

Hikaru was sitting at the head of the bed and flicking bits of lint off herillow while Kaoru sat at the foot, elbows resting on a pillow in her lap. The room was dark although it was still a bit too early to be going to bed. A sure sign that Autumn was settling and Winter on its way. But it had been a long day. After a rushed dinner at school, Renge, along with one hundred fitters, designers, make-up artists and hair stylers had flooded into the music room, dragging the host club members to opposite corners for fittings. Hikaru rubbed her eyes warily as she said:

'This guy promised to bring me some chalk and incense next time so we could try drawing a pentacle and summoning some being of darkness.'

'Oh. That's not good.'

'He also tried to convert me to cat worship.'

'Heh.'

'He then said that me being alone was a sign that two beings split at conception were fusing into one entity.'

'And I used to think Nekozawa was a weirdo. Sorry I wasn't there to help.'

Hikaru leant back against the head of the bed. Moonlight crept in through the small gap in the curtains. All the lights in the house were out. Both there parents were on a business trip so they had the house largely to themselves.

'Nah it's okay.' She said mechanically. 'I'm just glad that you had a chance to rest up. But since when have you had a fear of blood?'

'Dunno. Must have been after the change.'

According to her twin, Hikaru had nothing to fear. Yet…

'Well, it's getting late now.' Kaoru slipped off the bed, 'I'm kinda sleepy and our Lady has dancing lessons planned for us tomorrow. 'night Hikaru.' She wandered over the open door. She would return to her bed room directly across the corridor. Hikaru immediately felt the absence of her other half on the other end of the bed, balancing the weight on the mattress.

'Kaoru.' Hikaru said quietly.

'Hmm?'

'Can we sleep in the same bed tonight? Like we used to when we were little?'

Kaoru smiled.

'Yeah. Let's do that.'

Shortly afterwards, Hikaru snuggled down under the blankets, warmed by the presence of another body in the bed. Unseen below the sheets, the twins clasped each other's hands.

_It's all okay. _Hikaru thought over and over again. Ever since Haruhi had gained passage into their world, she had always feared that the gates to their world would burst open and all and sundry allowed to flow into the little universe and she and Kaoru shared. But…if they could still share moments like this…perhaps opening the doors a little wider, just to see what was on the other side, wouldn't be too bad.

* * *


	13. Chapter 13

**Mischief mage: **Gee this is a weird one...and a long one. If you're terrified of extreme randomness then just take comfort that this chapter has little input into the story line...Free invisible white chocolate and macadamia nut cookie for everyone who figures out who all the characters and and free invisible chocolate brownie pie to anyone who can pick up on three allusions (to this fic, HP books or anime)

BTW: This fic is based on a mixture of structure of the Alice and wonderland plots in the manga and the anime. Some of you will know that there are differences. Basically, all that that means is that what i say goes in this chapter :-) Enjoy! I know i loved writing this one!

* * *

Kaoru lay awake in bed, still clasping Hikaru's hand in a mutual vice grip. Her sister was already sleeping peacefully. She, meanwhile, was too busy being confused as to what she should feel: shame that Hikaru still trusted her so dutifully? Pride that she was working so hard for the sake of her sister? Or just weary with the effort of concealing so much within herself? The latter seemed to dominate. 

There was a slight groan as Hikaru rolled over in her sleep to face Kaoru, curled in foetal position. Kaoru grinned, while she may be the younger child, she would do her best for her older sister's sake. She stifled a chuckle as she thought: _Perhaps I should have a chat to Satoshi some time._ And with that, she closed her eyes and went to sleep.

* * *

It was still consciousness…but it was a higher sort of consciousness. Not just that, every one was conscious of the fact that their fellow host club members were conscious of this heightened level of ... consciousness…Well…almost of them anyway. 

'Tamaki. I _am_ your conscience' Hikaru hissed into the club queen's ear. The blonde jumped a foot into what could be called the atmosphere of the conscious mind.

'Where are we?' Hunny asked, cautiously prodding a purplish lump of emotion a wary finger, clutching her bunny closely to her pyjama-clad chest.

There was silence save for the pulsating hum of the human mind.

'Cue Kyouya's profound explanation' Tamaki announced to the bizarre ever changing cavern. There was no echo.

'I believe' Kyouya's voice permeated through the clouds of distraction, 'I believe that we are experiencing a higher level of consciousness; much like that time when we were slotted into the world of Lewis Carroll.'

'Oh I remember now. But I thought that was a dream…' said Haruhi's voice coming from somewhere around Takashi's elbow.

'Yeah, us too.' The twins agreed, 'That as quite a trip.' They continued with infallible synchronisation.

'How did we get out of that again?' Tamaki asked waving a small patch of yellowish smog from her face.

'We slotted ourselves into the reality that this dimension provided for us, into characters that only existed in that world, taking other people from our world along for the ride. They'll be experiencing the same thing. We then lost consciousness of our own beings and take on the character whose body we enter. We play their story to the end and then we wake up as though from a dream.' Kyouya explained. No one felt like asking how she knew this. Through the haze, Haruhi could even see the outline of a clipboard in her hands.

'So now the question remains,' Hunny said slowly, 'Is to see what reality we are going to displace if we want to get out of here.'

Almost as she spoke, a patch of cloud grew brilliant white and seemed to tear from side to side, a world of colour and sound pouring in, shocking their eyes and ears which had adjusted to the gloom of the mind. They all squinted through the blinding light just long enough to see an expanse of forest and a large lake before being engulfed.

Haruhi gave a grunt as he fell flat on to grass. Rolling over, he looked up and saw a magnificent castle with multiple towers. He would have thought that he was in a fairy tale had he not seen a hooting white swarm of owls come spurting out one of the windows, some carrying magazines and letters in their talons.

_You have _got_ to be kidding me_. He groaned inwardly.

Pushing himself up, he moved to brush himself down but then realised that there was no him _to_ brush down; neither could he see anyone else.

'Kyouya?' he asked out loud, well aware of his inability to see his own body.

'Don't worry about it' said the girl's voice from inside where Haruhi guessed his head would be. 'While we get not control over which reality we displace, we do get a choice of characters so our identities are held in limbo until we find an outlet. However, our using of that character may result in changes to that character…'

'Oh.'

'Well it's obvious enough which world we're in.' came two familiar voices.

'Yeah, I've never seen…whoops, _heard_ her highness so distressed after she fell on the giant squid' either Hikaru or Kaoru's voice continued. Haruhi suspected Hikaru.

'It tried to drown me, I'm sure of it,' came the meek voice of Tamaki.

'Shall we get back on track then?' Kyouya asked sharply.

'Haruhi as Harry! Haruhi as Harry!' the twins chorused.

'Yes indeed' Tamaki agreed. Haruhi imagined the blonde putting hand to her chin. 'Haruhi is just the perfect person to play the disadvantaged, courageous, loyal, scruffy haired, dashing, talented-'

'Are you reading these adjectives from a dictionary?' Haruhi asked in a bored voice.

'Never!' Haruhi thought he could hear the sound of a book slamming shut.

Suddenly and seamlessly, Haruhi's body appeared in full Hogwarts uniform, Gryffindor badge and all. He had glasses again, his scruffy hair was back and, he put his hand to his forehead, he had the scar.

'I think the twins are obvious enough' Kyouya's voice echoed in his ear.

There was a poof as Kaoru and Hikaru appeared, hair shorn short, in boys' uniforms. Freckles had appeared on their cheeks, looking themselves up and down, they seemed enjoy being back in pants.

'Mum, who do you have for me?' Tamaki asked eagerly. Haruhi heard her whisper urgently, 'Ginny, Ginny _please_ Ginny.'

But there was silence.

'Kyouya?' Tamaki's voice said, growing worried.

'She must've gotten displaced into her character's body which must be somewhere else in this world.' Haruhi thought.

'Mitsukuni?' Takashi said, sounding scared.

There was no answer. Takashi's sense of consciousness panicked.

She began to call out 'Mistu-!' but was cut off. And with that, the last mental connection between the host club members were lost and Haruhi could understand nothing other than his name was Harry, Harry Potter and that danger was his birthright and the murder of Lord Voldemort (because he was being _such_ an inconvenience to the world) his Holy Grail.

'Oi Harry!' he snapped out of this sudden epiphany of his life's purpose to see Fred and George rushing over. Considering that they were boys, they both looked particularly feminine today. How strange.

'What's up?'

They both stopped before the bespectacled orphan.

'Old Voldy-pants. He's back. He's in Hogwarts and is going after the Alchemist's stone in the Chamber of Lies, taking a member of the Order of the Griffin with him as a Prisoner of Avarice. Oh, and the Pud-Blood Prince just got kicked out of school for feeding sugar to the mandrakes during their party. Apparently it was quite a Deathly Halloween.' They said very quickly, grinning.

Harry instantly plunged his hand into his pocket, grabbing his wand.

'Where is he and why are you so calm about this? And what do you mean "pud-blood"'

The twins shrugged.

'First point: not sure really. He tends to do this a lot so it's gotten dull. Second point: you know how we have pure-bloods and – excuse our mermish – mud -bloods. So a half blood is a Pud-blood, half pure, half – excuse us again – mud. Are you going to fight him this time?'

Harry considered for a moment. His instinct told him that Voldemort probably had a cruel upbringing and that wicked rumours had amplified his deeds to monstrous proportions yet something in his character pulled him forwards.

'Yeah…I guess I am.'

'Ooo we'll come with you! We've wanted to see old Voldy get his snakey backside beaten for once.' Fred said eagerly.

They were off to do just that when a reluctantly drawling voice spoke from behind them.

'Potty off to be a big boy is he?'

The three Gryffindors turned to see Draco Malfoy leering at them, flanked by a blank looking Crabbe and Goyle. Harry thought he could hear a pair of voices cackling 'Our Queen is Malfoy!' somewhere in the back of his head. It didn't make any sense to him so he chose to ignore it.

'Yes I am' he said politely, turning to face Malfoy fully.

'You really think that you can take on the Dark Lord?' Malfoy's purplish-blue eyes narrowed.

'I can try.'

Malfoy's eyes seemed to glisten for a second. He staggered forward, arm reaching out. Tentatively, almost as though resisting some innate urge to not come within a metre of Harry, he took his hand.

'But…it's dangerous…_hurrah_…you could die…_thank god for that_ …but…' he stammered, eyes lighting up and darkening as two minds seemed to battle it out in his head.

Harry drew his hand back as though grabbed by a grindylow. He turned to leave but a pair of pale hands shot out and spun him around. He stared with confusion into Malfoy's eyes which were now very close to his own._Should I Slytherin boy really have eyelashes that long?_ He wondered.

'I…' Malfoy tried, 'I don't think you should go…'

Harry didn't get a chance to answer as a blinding flash sliced through the moment and they drew away from each other to fling their hands to their eyes.

'Urgh, what was that?' Harry groaned, putting his hands to his eyes.

'_That_ was…PERFECT!' a voice squealed.

Harry didn't know how he knew, he just did.

'Colin…'

'I can hardly believe it. It's true! It's true! It's true It's true It's true It's true It's true It's true It's true!' the younger boy squealed, clutching his camera to his chest as though it were his first born child.

'Get lost you … geek.' The twins stood either side of Harry, 'and what in blazes are you wearing anyway?'

The younger boy gave an experimental twirl.

'Why this is none other than the newest set of robes from the Gilderoy Lockhart; Fashionable Me collection and this-' he gestured to his hat, 'is the hat he wore when he first defeated a werewolf. Speaking of which-'

Colin leant towards them conspiratorially. The three Gryffindors and one Slytherin did likewise.

'I have reason to believe' he hissed, 'that Mr Lockhart is conducting an illicit affair with none other than one Ms Rita Skeeter.'

The twins drew back in disgust.

'Get out of here you…' they searched around for a stronger word.

'Otaku' Draco provided. The twins nodded gratefully, united with their foe against the might of fandom.

'But Harry' Colin whimpered, still clutching his camera tightly. 'Aren't you going to go and fight You-Know-Who? Please let me come! Pleeeaaaseee.'

Harry was about to tell him to get his sorry backside back to Gryffindor tower but stopped as Colin told him that if he killed You-Know-who, it would immediately dispel the rumours of a forbidden love developing between unloved orphan and conniving Dark Lord.

'Come on then.' Harry muttered, 'All of you.'

The four youths (Crabbe and Goyle left blinking stupidly in the sunlight outside) strode quickly through the castle, up stairs, through canvases and past girls giggling stupidly every time Malfoy came within a metre of Harry. Finally they reached the third floor corridor. Much to their dismay, there was a fruit tree planted over the door.

'Uh oh' said the twins. 'It's the Over-excited Orange tree.'

'Who the hell plants a tree inside?' Draco muttered, scowling at the tree as though hoping it would wilt if he glared evilly enough.

'Look Harry!' Colin squealed.

They all looked and saw, carved into the knot of the tree, a small serpent.

'Tell it to open Harry! In Parseltongue! Let me get a recording!' the brown haired boy squealed again, fumbling about in his pockets.

'Huh? How did you know that I speak Parseltongue?'

'Well according to Hannah who heard from a very reliable source in Ravenclaw who is certain that she overheard Pansy Parkinson-'

'Actually, don't worry about it. Anyway, how does the door open?'

'Someone has to tell the snake to open while someone else presses down on the knot.' The twins provided.

Harry thought a moment, surveying the foliage before him. The roots dug right into the frame of the door. It seemed that that was their only option.

'Okay…here goes' he said cautiously, inching forward. No sooner had he come within reach of the knot and little snake, a thin green branch whipped across his face, cutting his cheek.

'Harry!'

Draco leapt forward to help his lover/enemy/who-knows-anymore (?). Within seconds, he was thrown back, a large collection of bulbous oranges projected into his stomach.

Harry looked up from where he was crouched on the floor to see a total of three oranges hurtling towards him from on high. There was no way he could dodge them. He held his arm over his face to protect it from the fruit.

'_Sectumsempera! Reducto!_'

The blows did not come. Instead, Harry felt only a few small objects bouncing of his head. Opening his eyes, before him, lay the oranges, sliced into even sixths. He also saw the bottoms of a huge black robe. Eyes inching upwards, he looked into the face of Severus Snape, his least favourite teacher who was now sporting a crop of fiery red hair.

'Professor!'

'Don't make a move. You're in enough trouble as it is Potter and now I've turned the school Orange tree into mulch for your sorry behind.' He hissed, a glare that would turn anyone to ice plastered on his face.

'But Professor! Voldemort is-' Harry urged, painfully aware of the tortures which the Prisoner of Avarice, whoever they were, must be suffering within the Chamber of Lies.

'Enough.' Snape shouted, 'I've had enough of your excuses! Fifty points from-'

But he didn't get the chance to finish his sentence. With a loud crack, Snape keeled over, Fred and George standing triumphant over the top of him, each clutching a beater's bat. George rolled his shoulders experimentally, 'Hmmm, been wanting to do that for a while now.'

'Harry!' Draco moaned from where he lay, still winded from the oranges, 'Harry, the Chamber!'

'Oh. Right.' He said, turning to face the defoliated door.

Within minutes, the group of students were sprinting down a, dark, dank tunnel, holding their heads low should there be any low hanging sections of ceiling, as Draco quickly found out.

'There!' Harry cried out, pointing to a large round chamber ahead of them. It was eerily lit by a pale white glow, casting shadows on the large statues of cats and tigers. Lying in the middle of the immense room was a slender, dark haired figure.

They hurried to the girl's side, lifting her up off the damp floor. She was a second year and seemed to be unconscious, her eyes closed, locks of black hair hanging across her face.

'Wake up!' they all urged her, Harry shaking the limp body. 'Wake up! We've got to get you out of here!'

Finally, the small figure stirred, moaned and opened her eyes. The students actually dropped her back to the floor as fear flooded their veins. Those weren't the eyes of a child. She straightened up, sodden black hair clinging to her face and an aura of purple exuding from her.

'Who woke me up?' she hissed, her voice echoing in the caverns of the stony chamber.

'Who…who are you?' Draco gibbered, hiding behind the twins who were white under their freckles.

'I' she began, taking a step towards them, 'I am Regina Black. Thank you for waking me' she said, voice riddled with sarcasm, 'as a token of my thanks, I'll let you sleep, for all _eternity'_

Quick as a flash, she whipped out a pair of spectacles, sat them on her face and threw her hands up to the ceiling, crying out.

'Come to me! O Fanged creature!'

There was a squeak as Colin screamed 'shut your eyes! If you look the creature of Slytherin in the eye you will be rooted to the spot, never to move again!'

'Yeah but then we won't be able to see it.' Harry said in a slow voice, keeping his eyes open.

An immense dark figure loomed from behind Regina Black, it leapt, soaring over the girl and landing with a crash that reverberated about the chamber and dislodged a number of stones from the ceiling. Thundering down with every footstep, out came:

A bunny. Well…actually…a boy dressed in a bunny suit.

Draco peeked out from behind Fred and George.

'That's it? That's the creature of Slytherin? A stupid rabbiaaaaarrrggghhhhh'

With a crack Draco was thrown backwards as the boy somersaulted and caught the blonde in the face with his foot, screaming 'Bunnnnnnnnnyyyy KICK!'

The twins surveyed the whimpering Malfoy with mild interest.

'The Creature of Slytherin has a black belt in karate?' They too had opened their eyes but instantly regretted doing so as the creature loomed up before them. Looking deep into its honey brown eyes they felt their bodies seize up in awe of its…cuteness? Their minds became clouded with thoughts of sweets and meadows of rainbow rabbits.

'Fred! George! NO!' Harry shouted as he saw the twins freeze as though turning to stone. Spinning about he yelled out to Colin: 'Colin! Look through your camera, hopefully you won't be affected!'

The boy nodded and grudgingly put the camera to his eyes, muttering 'This is stupid; not exciting at all. The hero being faced by a boy in a rabbit suit? Gimme a break. So not epic.'

Colin safe, Harry turned to face the monstrosity before him. The boy would have looked insanely adorable had it not been for the look of murderous blood lust etched on his features.

There was a hiss as Regina Black commanded it to 'Kill the boy.'

Harry dived away just in time to avoid a bone shattering blow to the ribs. He fell on the ground hard. It was there on the cold floor that he heard a sound; a sound more beautiful than anything he had heard before…

Well actually, the sound was atrocious but what it signified my Harry's heart do a little jig.

Descending from the roof, golden and scarlet plumage whirling, came Fawkes, the phoenix…or rather…a boy in a chicken suit. It plummeted, screaming 'Prepare yourself, Mitsukuniiiiiiii!' at the rabbit. Why the bird was wearing glasses Harry had no idea.

What ensued was a fear battle between rabbit and chicken-phoenix, all that Harry could see were blurs of feathers and fur and the occasional splash of water as they sparred. Meanwhile, Black was seething.

'No! Leave the bird! Kill the boy!' she screamed at the thrashing figures, purple aura writhing as waves in a tempest.

But the sparring rabbit took no heed. As Black and the monsters were distracted, the students, save the frozen twins, had begun to edge back in the direction of the tunnel which they had come from. The prisoner of Avarice certainly didn't need a saviour…a cup of strong coffee and a morning paper maybe but not a saviour. They would have gotten further than they did if they had not backed straight into yet another towering figure.

'Ah!' spinning about, Colin, Harry and Draco lost their balance and fell painfully to the stone floor. Glancing up at the figures, Harry's eyes met the sight of Hagrid and Grawp watching the fighting pair as they might watch a flubber worm choking on a piece of extra crisp lettuce.

'Hagrid!' Harry cried, pushing himself back up onto his feet. 'Hagrid how…have you lost weight?'

The half-giant looked sheepish. Indeed, Hagrid didn't seem to be quite so huggable as he had before…although admittedly, engaging in a hug from Hagrid before had been a painful affair. The half-giant nodded silently.

'And is that a fake beard you're wearing?'

He only nodded.

'Oh…' It was strange, Harry couldn't remember a conversation between he and Hagrid that had lapsed into such a silence.

'So…how did you find us?'

Hagrid looked for a moment as though he might give an audible answer but Grawp had cut in.

'Well…as you know, big brother is the Gameskeeper and the Care for Magical Creatures teacher, so he naturally has an affinity with such creatures as these and instinctively knew where they were. He hates to see any living creature harmed and-'

Colin, Draco and Harry stared open mouthed as the, until, rudimentary speaking juvenile giant prattled on as though high on Babbling.

'_So_we hurried all the way down here to find them and remove anyone who may come to harm at the hands of their monster instincts,' Grawp explained, holding up a finger. 'Plus, as you can see, Fawkes has been in a very foul mood today and has been hankering for a fight with the Slytherin monster for a while so I felt that it was my duty to come down here and make sure he doesn't cause too much trouble.'

There was a brief period of absolute quiet save for the sound of parried kicks and punches as the world balanced the period of surplus speech with dumb silence.

'Ah' said Harry, unable to think of much else.

'Well let's get out of here,' Draco muttered, 'Somehow, I have a feeling the Creature of Slytherin is going to come out on top of this battle.'

Colin nodded in agreement. So, with the now slender Hagrid carrying one twin over each shoulder, the group took their leave of the bizarre scene and made their way back up to the castle, past the remains of the Over-excited Orange tree and the twitching body of Snape, Grawp chattering about his life with his bestest best older brother, Hagrid, all the way.

Meanwhile, back in the Chamber of Lies, Regina Black sighed and pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose. She pulled out a clipboard.

'So have you found it yet?' She said apparently to no one (the monsters were now fighting in one of the far corners of the Chamber, chucking bits of kitty statue at each other.)

'Yes Lady Black!'

Out of the darkness hurried a figure in a black cloak, his skin sickly white. Lord Voldemort.

As he reached her, he held out a small, pill-shaped, red pebble. Black surveyed it with a critical eye.

'So this's it?'

'Yes milady!' Tom Riddle gibbered, hand shaking slightly under her gaze. As he shook, locks of blonde hair could occasionally be seen from beneath the hood. 'This is the famed Alchemist's stone. It can change metal to gold, water to wine, change a person's gender or even turn a human into a frog!'

'And this brand comes in strawberry flavour!' squeaked the rat puppet Wormtail, from Voldemort's hand.

Regina Black smirked and put the clipboard under her arm, reaching out for the stone.

'At last,' she whispered, 'I'll be able to-'

But all too suddenly, the red pebble Regina Black was reaching for became a ceiling light and Kyouya Ootori was stretching out one arm above her bed in which she was currently residing.

There had only been one instance during her school years so far that Ootori Kyouya had been brought to tears. This made a reluctant second.

* * *


	14. Chapter 14

**Mischief mage: **Hey! It's back to reality with this chapter hehe. Can you imagine that i had orignally thought that this fic would have around seven chapters? But anyway, it's trundling along to the climax now. Thanks so much for reading this far! I apologise for any mistakes i've made (i do find them sometimes when reading my previous chapters) and also apologise in advance as i have exams coming up and so the updates may be few and far between. But i'm determined to finish this. Anyway, enjoy!

* * *

Gritting her teeth, Kyouya Ootori forced herself upright in her bed. She glanced at the bedside clock which read 6:30AM; far earlier than she liked to get up. Groaning, she pulled on a sensible dress from the cupboard and tidied up her hair in the mirror, putting on her glasses as she walked out the door and down the stairs to breakfast. 

'Good Morning, Miss Ootori' said a line of servants, bowing in unison as she walked past. She sat down on the chair pulled out for her and picked up her cutlery as a breakfast was placed on the table before her.

'Morning Kyouya!' trilled a voice that was, in Kyouya's opinion, far too cheerful for the time of day. She didn't answer. But Tamaki had expected that.

'How did you sleep?'

'Fine.'

'Well _I_had the strangest dream! I was Draco Malfoy from Harry Potter and everyone else was there too!'

'Mhmm'

'And you were called 'Regina Black' and you were using Lord Voldemort (who was Nekozawa-senpai) to try and take the Alchemist's stone-'

'Tamaki, shut up.'

The blonde would never know but the mention of the Alchemist's stone from her dream and its properties of changing anything to anything else, even a person's gender, made anger writhe in Kyouya's stomach like coiled snakes. All Kyouya wanted, was to be a boy again and to return to his own home.

The Suou family's second home was by no means uncomfortable and she was grateful to Tamaki for letting her stay, but if she remained too long, her father would begin to wonder what his third son was getting up to. He would certainly disown Kyouya if he found him as a girl; he would assume queer tastes, lechery and not to mention a lack of manly virtue. So, until then, it was at Tamaki's house she would stay, claiming that she was on an overseas field trip with a select few of 2-A.

The two 2nd years ate in silence for a moment, Tamaki repeatedly glancing at Kyouya. Finally, she put down her knife and, sitting back in her chair, asked:

'So what are we going to do about the Hitachiins?'

Kyouya paused in her eating to answer.

'Nothing. I have given Kaoru her instructions to reject any offering of love from Hiroki-san. Judging by his actions, that should be reasonably soon, probably the night of the party. Then this little pantomime will be over and we can forget about it.'

'But Hikaru should know.' Tamaki said, looking sorrowful. She rested her chin on her hand, elbow on the table. 'Families are based on trust, not secrets. The best way to clear the air is to get things out in the open.'

'Oh I don't doubt that Hikaru will find out.'

'Hmm. That's good I guess. It'll be messy but it's for the best.'

'Do you really think so?'

Tamaki looked across the long table at her friend with a look of incredulity and didn't answer.

_Ah._ Thought Kyouya. _That's right. This person doesn't understand families. _

That was the ironic truth. Despite Tamaki's desperation to maintain that 'happy family' façade in the club, in Kyouya's eyes, she could only comprehend very outline of family structure. With such limited family relationships, she often didn't seem to understand the pure terror of disappointing, disgusting and, as a result, being cut off from the tight-knit group that one had been part of for all their lives.

Takashi was lucky to have such an understanding little brother. As wrong and dangerous as Kaoru's game of manipulation may be, Kyouya could understand why she was doing it. The slim chance of successfully concealing any act of betrayal to those you care about or respect is often more appealing than telling the truth. Scared people don't act rationally. And that, of course, was why Kyouya was now living in Tamaki's house.

Of course, Kyouya didn't say any of this. Instead, she returned to eating her breakfast.

* * *

The dance studio belonged to an acquaintance of the Hitachiin family and the teachers there were close friends of their mother. Fashion and choreography sometimes crossed paths and when it did, you wanted to know that you're in good hands. 

It was a large party. There were a total of fourteen Ouran students; the seven hosts, Renge, Kasanoda, Tetsuya, Kanako, Toru (who was visiting Japan for the week), Satoshi and, grudgingly, Yasuchika. Dancing would pose an issue at this party as, to match the Halloween theme, the band had been given sheets of music for particular dances; faster and slightly more menacing or exhilarating. Sadly, the Ouran ballroom dancing curriculum was sadly lacking in these areas so, while the Club would offer lessons on the afternoons preceding the party, they needed as many people to already know the dance to lead by example on the night.

Then came the second problem: dances are usually led by men which were few and far between amongst the Hosts now. Therefore, Kyouya had been forced to call on favours from Kanako and Toru, arguing that without the previous Host Club's intervention (still claiming that boy Kyouya and girl Kyouya were different people) they would never have gotten together. They accepted readily; the Host Club parties were always the highlight of the year. Meanwhile, Kasanoda, now an employee of the club, was automatically recruited and, for the sake of his friend, Tetsuya had eagerly leapt on the bandwagon. Satoshi had signed up enthusiastically and Yasuchika had been dragged along, literally kicking and screaming. Kyouya reasoned that this party would act as an advertisement for the middle-schoolers who would hopefully join the club the following year once their brothers had left.

The dance studio itself consisted of a wide open space with every wall covered in tessellating mirrors. There were an equal number of boys and girls and they had been practising for an hour now. This particular dance ended up with pairs forming a large ring which rotated with a pair occasionally dancing in the centre. Partners were actually passed around as part of the dance to aid Host work. All in all, it was particularly simple. It had to be.

Haruhi spun Kanako out gently, hardly thinking, simply watching the mirrors. The figures twirled in a flurry of bodies and colour. When the girl was furthest away, Haruhi released her hand and took up Takashi's as the girls rotated partners. Takashi was still a lot taller than Haruhi and he found it difficult keeping in step with her long, graceful strides. Takashi had made the transition from leading to following the dance more smoothly than others; Haruhi grimaced as he heard Tetsuya yelp, Hikaru having stepped on his foot _again._ Hikaru and Kyouya were having the most trouble in adjusting to following their partner's lead although Kyouya admittedly made mistakes with such grace that Haruhi often thought that they were deliberate.

The pairs went about in a circle, Haruhi receiving Hunny's hand as the partner's swapped again. Hunny seemed to be having the time of her life, skipping happily, clutching her partner's hands. But occasionally Haruhi would see the chink in Hunny's façade. The small girl's face would darken with concern whenever Kaoru (dancing with Satoshi) came into view.

_Senior Hunny is worried about Kaoru…she must know…_

'Senior…' He trailed off.

'What is it, Haru-chan?' the girl chirruped brightly as though free from any care.

Haruhi opened his mouth to speak but paused, wordless.

Finally, he said, 'It's nothing.'

Whether Hunny knew he was lying or not, he couldn't tell. But Kaoru had clearly confided in Hunny who would have spoken to Mori. Kyouya clearly knew and then Tamaki hadn't tried to interfere meaning her friend had explicitly told her not to. Haruhi didn't know what the Club's plans for the problem were…but for the sake of not building up the wall between the rest of the club and Hikaru, he would deliberately remain ignorant.

And with that, Haruhi let Hunny go. He took up Kyouya's hand. The two of them danced wordlessly for a time before Haruhi said quietly:

'Senior Kyouya is scared of something.'

The dark haired girl grinned silently. After a few turns, she asked, 'And what makes you think that?'

'She's looking tired.' Haruhi answered, speaking of her dance partner in the third person, like a psychologist analysing a patient. 'People don't sleep well when they're worried about something.'

'Often true.'

'So Senior Kyouya must be worried about something…'

'It's plausible'

They back stepped from each other before returning to one another as the music swelled.

'And it takes a great deal to worry Senior Kyouya this much.'

'A sensible theory'

Haruhi began to tire of their game.

'And the fact that Senior is dodging these questions shows that it concerns the club directly.' He said flatly, watching the girl's face carefully, looking for any betrayal of dismay or panic.

'You truly are incredible.' Kyouya stated simply in an amused voice, 'I'll see you later.' And with that she spun away into the arms of a meek looking Toru.

It was with a mixture of dismay and relief with which Haruhi received Hikaru. The girl seemed in good spirits and immediately began to tell Haruhi all about this _bizarre_ dream she had had last night.

'But I'm really pleased,' Hikaru said, having finished her account of the adventures in her. 'I had a good time with Kaoru last night.' During Host Club hours, this would have had very different connotations; the kind that made a third of the customers break out in a sweat. However, Haruhi knew that Hikaru meant that a night had been spent bandaging the wound of Hikaru's suspicion with the joys of platonic brotherly love.

Haruhi mentally bit his lip. While Hikaru might not have known it, the surface wound had healed; but the infection remained, hidden underneath. But what could he do? Eventually, he released Hikaru with a grin but without a word. Postponing a decision is often better than making a bad decision.

Naturally, straight after Hikaru came Kaoru. Haruhi got the same story of a magical dream and how it was _so _weird because Hikaru had had the _exact _same dream. _Bizarro eh?_

Kaoru had almost gotten to the climax of the story when Haruhi cut her off.

'When are you going to tell Hikaru?'

Kaoru grinned bemusedly,

'Tell Hikaru what? She already knows about the dream.'

'No, not-'

'Has her highness been harassing you again? You're looking flustered.'

'Don't skirt the question!'

'Don't go telling me about skirts. I've had more than my fair share of skirt wearing considering I was born a boy.'

Haruhi couldn't help but grin slightly at Kaoru's joke. She pressed on desperately, trying to avoid saying anything that might alert Hikaru's suspicion. The older twin was constantly weaving closer to the pair, chatting to Toru about love, teacups and life in general.

'Kaoru,' he said seriously, holding her hand slightly tighter than was necessary, 'what are you going to do about what's happening right now, with the club?'

The girl's face contracted with a look of mock concentration.

'First, I think' she said slowly, 'I take a right step, back step, half turn, spin-out for eight-counts and then in the opposite direction. Then…correct me if I'm wrong, we swap partners right?'

'_Kaoru_'

'What? I'm just answering the question. And that's the only thing we're doing right now; just dancing.'

And with that, she firmly spun out, gently releasing Haruhi's hand while simultaneously moving out of reach from his probing questions.

Haruhi was so engrossed in watching her go that he almost yelled out when Tamaki eagerly grabbed his hands and placed one around her waist. They circled for a few moments, an expression of ecstasy lying across the club leader's face.

'You seem to have taken the change from boy to girl smoothly.' Haruhi commented.

'Oh, it has its upsides. I am finally able to exhibit my thorough knowledge of feminine beauty. Indeed, my understanding of human conception of all that is fair is without flaw'

'Or modesty.'

If it's possible for you to imagine Tamaki doing her I'm-sitting-alone-in-the-corner-and-don't-wanna-talk-to-you-no-more-you-meanie pose while dancing, do so now.

Haruhi sighed, feeling that perhaps he should make amends for his comment.

'So have you decided where you want us all to eat for dinner?' he asked, knowing the answer. The Ouran girls had been begging to be received at Haruhi's home for dinner for almost two weeks now. Haruhi had predicted that he would be conned into receiving them for a meal that day so he had set out the hot pot already.

But Tamaki didn't answer at once. Startled, Haruhi glanced up in time to see the blonde girl staring straight into one of the many mirrors on the wall with a most peculiar look on her face.

Kaoru had been right. At the moment, everyone in the club was 'just dancing;' around each other, weaving in and out, hands clutching but never quite sure whether their partners were dancing to exactly the same beat as them.

But the dancing ended there, Renge called for a break. Releasing Tamaki's hands Haruhi finally understood the look that Tamaki was giving herself in the mirror: it was a look of recognition.

* * *

The sun was a slice of orange in the pink punch bowl of the sky when the Host Club arrived at Haruhi's house. 

'You may want to step away from the door…senpai' Haruhi suggested from the middle of the group.

Tamaki look over to her, just having sharply rapped the wooden door three times.

It was too late.

Clearly, Ranka had had known that the Host club would be coming to dinner, because within seconds of the final knock, the door was flung open and Tamaki was yanked into the house by the collar. The door was quickly slammed shut again. The remainder of the club (minus Renge) stood immediately outside the flat for a full five minutes, wincing involuntarily at the sounds of crashing, snapping and high pitched screams coming from inside.

But just as Kyouya was suggesting getting takeaways, Ranka, looking much happier, opened the door to admit the group, asking them to be sure to wipe their feet on the much bruised Queen Idiot on the floor. Hikaru and Kaoru felt it would be rude not to do so. Haruhi however, angrily reprimanded his father.

'What did you do to Tamaki?!' he asked in an exasperated voice, trying to lift Tamaki off the ground.

'Just straightening her out.'

'Father! Can you _not_ injure my friends please?!'

'Who said I hurt her? What kind of gentleman/lady would I be if I would raise a fist at a young girl? I only yelled, threatened and threw things at the walls. She just imploded on her own accord.'

Looking down at Tamaki, Haruhi could now see that her body showed no sign of actual injury…although Tamaki's face did suggest that her life was _officially _over.

'Oh…but why?'

Ranka sighed and kneaded his temples.

'Let's just say that if it weren't for a certain _someone-_' The slowly reviving Tamaki squirmed under the wrath of Haruhi's father. '-my child would still be the cute girl that I had a few months ago. But _no._ It turns out _someone _tried to spike my daughter's drink. Truly, I knew that you were low but I would never have suspected such a _sexual predator_ to lurk within Ouran's walls!'

'Oh and by the way' Ranka grinned, turning to Hikaru and Kaoru, who drew together in fear. 'Thank you for lending Haruhi some of your old clothes. He's looks simply _gorgeous_!' A pair of identical shoulders sagged with relief.

'Well what are we hanging around in the hallway for, come on through! I've got the hot pot ready.'

* * *

Dinner had been an enjoyable affair, unless if you were Tamaki of course. Hikaru and Kaoru had arrived home at about ten thirty, still rubbing their sore sides from laughing at her highness' expense as she had tried desperately to make amends for her mistake of giving Ranka-san's daughter a sex change. 

Sweaty from a day of dancing, the twins decided to have a quick bath before bed. Hikaru went off down the dark corridor to get the bath water running i.e. get a servant to get the bathwater running. Kaoru meanwhile went into their bedroom to grab their pyjamas. They lay folded at the base of their beds as did a cylindrical mailing tube. The tube was addressed to Kaoru and she could guess who it was from. Opening it, she pulled out a small canvas.

It was another painting of flowers, this time a red carnation, a daisy and an unopened bud. A light seemed to go on in Kaoru's head. Rather than admire the painting, she dived down under her bed and pulled out the first painting as well as the flower symbolism book, both from Suda Hiroki.

Sitting cross-legged on the bed, Kaoru flipped open the book and looked up carnation from the first painting.

_Here it is_.

She read: Carnation (red) – devoted love

Then: Carnation (white) – Pure love.

Next: Daisy – loyal love/ I will never tell

And finally: Tulip (yellow) – Hopelessly in love with you

Normally such painstakingly crafted declarations of love would evoke incandescent joy. However, Kaoru only felt dread. True, the daisy probably suggested that he wouldn't tell Hikaru that she was keeping a secret from her and the bud was a bit of a mystery but that didn't change the fact that he was clearly sending her messages through his paintings. That he even sent her a flower symbolism book to translate his hidden messages was testimony to the fact.

It was no longer that Hiroki might leak Kaoru's secret secret that concerned her. Oh no, it was that Suda Hiroki had declared his love no fewer than three times and it seemed that her chance to turn him down at the instant of his first declaration and end this ridiculous pantomime had been and gone.

* * *


	15. Chapter 15

Mischief mage: Yeah, that's just shocking isn't it. I spend probably more than a month away for the sake of exams (which i still haven't finished) and when i come back i submit a short chapter. But if it's any consolation i did spend quite a while trying to get details right. This chapter contains descriptions of the costumes for the characters and i apologise if any of them aren't to your taste. It was just what i pictured in my mind when i was writing. Next chapter is half written so it should be up soon after my exams are done.

Please review. But most importantly, enjoy!

* * *

Before long, the days had slipped away and it was the afternoon of the Halloween party. There were tables to be set, food to be cooked, decorations to be hung up, guests to be received and costumes to be obsessed over. Truly, the work of an otaku is never done. 

_And the number one gossip topic is a dud_.

Renge sighed, pacing back and forth, rifling absentmindedly through his costuming portfolio. Normally, he would be working on his doujinshi, namely badly disguised spin offs of the current events of the host club. Much to his dismay, Suda Hiroki, the unwary agent of these events had not appeared at the host club since Friday, not that that mattered of course as Kyouya had already told Renge explicitly not to blow things out of proportion. Renge rolled his eyes, it wasn't blowing things out of proportion; it was putting things into perspective...just a more passionate and tragic perspective.

So that little plot bunny was strictly off limits to him. However the other stewing drama was beginning in the form of Tamaki. No one knew exactly what it was but there was something disconcerting in her sudden fascination with mirrors and a tendency to visit the sick bay several times a week.

* * *

Tamaki did a regal turn in front of the full length mirror, eyeing herself critically. Haruhi couldn't see any point in it; Renge's crew had spent hours on her costume, hair and make-up, finding a problem would probably make the poor over worked stylists weep. 

Renge loved patterns. Patterns, symbolism, connections, contrast; the otaku loved it all. Therefore, all costumes were additionally themed for 'witchcraft', used the original colours associated with the sins and the hosts were paired up in style by year. Basically, Tamaki and Kyouya were the 'Sorceress pair,' Hunny and Takashi were 'witches of night' and Hikaru and Kaoru were the witches that were associated with a particular time period.

As Pride, Tamaki had been dressed in a floor length gown layered with white and purple and trimmed with gold. The design had been based on the togas of Roman emperors and on her flowing golden hair sat a laurel wreath. In one hand she carried a golden staff topped with an eagle. As well as this, she had the outlines of laurels about her wrists and in an ornate design across her cheek bones. She was to be a proud militarily successful sorceress who had earned her laurels through ruthless strategy. The coloured body designs were a new initiative by Renge, hoping to dehumanize the hosts slightly to suit Halloween as well as the theme of the seven deadly sins.

Kyouya was the second half of the sorceress pair as Avarice/Greed. Today she wore golden contacts at Renge's request. She had a traditional Southeast Asian costume except made entirely out of gold material from the spire-like crown to the pointed slippers. She too carried a golden staff. Her hair hung loose, black locks coursing down over her shoulders and down from the corner of one eye hung a painted golden tear drop.

Takashi stood a short distance behind Kyouya, smiling as Hunny jumped up and down in her costume. Takashi was the witch of the night but not of night in the dark, malicious sense, but of the time-for-beddy-bye-time night. Haruhi really had to hand it to Renge for being able to turn night dress into sophisticated dress wear. As far as he could see, Takashi's blue dress (the colour associated with sloth) consisted of a large pale blue t-shirt that one might wear to bed modified into a short empire dress. By short, he meant half-way up Takashi's thigh…but on everyone else the hem of the dress would probably be about the ankles. However, Haruhi was sure that night shirts had never covered the upper torso so well yet dare the beholder to guess what was underneath.

Meanwhile, giving Takashi high heels would have been financial suicide as there was probably not a single boy in school taller than an elevated Takashi. Therefore, she had been given a pair of flat, soft grey boots with a fetching pair of star pompoms dangling from each collar. Underneath, she wore black tights which matched her black, normal sized witch's hat with embroidered planets and stars. To complete the look, silvery blue lines trailed down her cheeks from her bottom eyelid, chains pulling the upper eyelid down to blissful sleep.

Hunny's costume was different altogether. It was hardly surprising that Takashi was smiling at her; it was a mixture of incongruity and pixie cuteness. Hers was the largest witch's hat. The brim extended almost as far as she could reach and the point was particularly long. Laden on the brim, against the point, was a selection of baked goods; sweet pies, cakes, cupcakes, buns, cinnamon rolls, all glistening with crystallised sugar atop her head.

Renge had thought long and hard on Hunny's costume. The colour for gluttony is orange and he worried that it may clash with his project's hair colour. However, he had found a way around this problem by making Hunny's maid dress a deep orange, almost reddish, with a white apron. Hunny had simple cinnamon coloured swirls on her cheeks and it was her nails that grabbed Haruhi's attention.

Two manicurists had spent nearly two and a half hours fixing Hunny's nails. Pearly white, with hundreds and thousands evenly spaced on every perfectly oval nail. There had been one tense moment half an hour before when Kyouya had felt obliged to tell Takashi to tell Hunny to _stop eating her costume._

Meanwhile, Mr Bun (because he's almost a main character) was wearing a full body black suit and black cat ears.

Hikaru and Kaoru were standard witches with high heels and wide brimmed, pointy black hats. However their costumes still varied according to their sin.

Kaoru, after much coaxing and pleading had agreed to dye her hair dark ash and for it to be shortened, just for that night in order to suit her look. She had then been forced into a reinvention of fifty's style dress with a swing skirt in forest green. Her long gloves were a deep, shiny black as were her high heels.

The heels in particular were a sight to behold. They looked long enough and pointy enough to nail someone's hand to the floor. Her hat was modified with a much, much smaller and more like a head ornament which sat at a jaunty angle on her curled hair. However it did vary with a small straw doll sitting awkwardly, skewered there with a number of large acid green pins. As well as green lipstick, an intricate leaf green pattern played about her yellow eyes that positively glowed in comparison to her new hair colour. The designs worked in tandem with her thin but dark eyeliner to magnify her already radiant eyes.

Renge had told her that her costume had been modelled on a time when women were possessions and that external reputation and appearance were of paramount importance and that her costume represented how Envy is always keeping an eye on those things that they desire and are willing to twist, warp and use underhand methods to get what they want.

This had been followed by Renge staring determinedly at Kaoru's face after saying that but the girls face had remained impassive.

Finally, there was Wrath. It had been reasonably simple. Hikaru wore a simple black dress that came just above the knees with a modified red-coat jacket with the name 'Wrath' emblazoned on the back in golden lettering. The jacket was about five inches shorter than the skirt. Hikaru had been given black, high heeled, buckled up boots along with a 'witchy' pair of black and white striped tights. Upon her head rested a magnificent black tricorn naval hat with three large feathers, which she was adjusting in front of the mirror with black gloved hands. At her side was a scabbard containing a real sabre and an old fashioned pistol, tucked into her belt. Her make-up involved a simple band of pure red across the eyes, based on war paint of some tribes. Her hair twisted and writhed like liquid fire over her shoulders.

Haruhi had been dressed (quite forcefully) in a suffocating black suit, made incongruous by a ring of six large, old fashioned keys which hung from his belt. His cufflinks were keys, there were keys embroidered into his coat and he wore one key shaped stud in his left ear. The hosts were embodiments of the seven deadly sins, and he was their jailer. Just _perfect_. As if he wasn't their minder already.

* * *

'Satoshi you idiot, STOP THAT!' 

A dark haired youth held back with a disdainful look on his face as his short friend rubbed his own head gingerly.

'What was that for?' Yasuchika growled angrily.

'You were rude to those customers' Satoshi said simply, shouldering his poorly disguised kendo stick.

'Yeah well so was _he'_ the spitting image of Hunny-senpai muttered, jerking a thumb in the direction of Kasanoda who was standing a safe distance away. The red head grimaced as an almighty crack reverberated about the room.

'_What_ have I told you about disrespecting your seniors?' Satoshi demanded, arm shaking slightly as his weapon wobbled with the aftershocks of the blow.

'Mmph, mmmhm' Yasuchika said in his defence.

Unnoticed by the two middle schoolers, Kasanoda look the smallest of sidesteps away from them. They were bizarre in every sense of the word and looked even odder in their costumes.

As head ushers and waiters i.e. Satoshi, Yasuchika and Kasanoda had been dressed more to suit the Halloween theme and the appearance of forest sprites and spirits. The three of them were shirtless for the sake of the girls that would be attending the party; they all wore baggy, brown, corduroy pants decorated with autumn foliage; had a leather belt hanging diagonally across their chests; two small enamel coloured goat horns; and sported a pair of pixie wings. Satoshi had been charged with the mission of confiscating/forced removal of Yasuchika's glasses which was done with minimal screaming and mutilated furniture.

Kasanoda was no weakling nor was he a wimp; he had used to practise his fierce face in front of the mirror every morning after all. But these two imps, coupled with the decorations of the hall succeeded in unsettling the young master.

Generally, judging by what he could see, the hall looked very…black. He, Yasuchika and Satoshi were carrying candles and followed trails of jack-o-lanterns to lead guests to pre-allocated seats.

The same-said guests had been pouring through the door (which had been converted into a metal graveyard gate) for the last forty minutes now. There was the usual rabble of costumes: mummies, vampires, vampyres with a 'y', weird sisters, wyrd sisters with a 'y,' werewolves, wizards, devils, angels, detectives, mad scientists, rabid rabbits (Kasanoda didn't want to know why.)

Kasanoda checked a watch concealed ingeniously under a wristband of twigs. It would be time to start. Hopefully Testuya would be back soon to keep Kasanoda company during the night. His friend had scurried off to put his costume on after being reprimanded/having is eardrums melt from all the screaming by Renge when he had turned up in his usual brown bomber jacket.

Within a few minutes, Tesuya's ponytailed head could be seen bobbing into view over the hoards of zombies etc. Kasanoda gave timid thumbs-up to Satoshi who spoke into a walkie-talkie which he had retrieved from a pocket in his pants.

Within moments of the middle schooler ending the transmission, the 'gates' hall slid shut with an eerie creak and slam with the sound of chains clinking. Suddenly, a beam of light shot down from somewhere near the back of the hall and struck two figures on the main stage.

* * *


	16. Chapter 16

**Mischief Mage: **Salvete! Newest chapter! Sorry for the lateness! Read and Review! Thank you for your patience! Enjoy! Exclamation mark! Exclamation mark!

* * *

A shadowy Renge sat back to back to Haruhi, sharing a three legged stool in the middle of the stage. The light hung down upon them from directly above giving the scene a film noir feel. They both wore matching jailer uniforms and at the back of the stage a grating of jail cells could be seen. A harpsichord began to crinkle eerily in the background somewhere as chimes chinked.

'Gluttony' Renge spat.

'Sloth' Haruhi murmured.

'Envy' hissed Renge.

'Wrath' muttered Haruhi.

'Pride' Renge snickered.

'Avarice' Haruhi breathed.

'Lust' they intoned, Seven express tickets to the world below; seven terraces of purgatory'

'It seems the earth has opened up on this hallowed eve.' Renge said, looking down towards the ground.'

'It seems the sevens have turned a blind eye.' Haruhi in turn said (in his usual Thespian monotone but that was what was needed), looking straight up into the light.

'On this night of trickery, the rallying points of devilry return to Earth.' Renge continued, standing up, Haruhi mirrored his action. 'Sloth, Gluttony, Envy, Wrath, Avarice and Pride return as Lust re-incarnate. Join in the revelry of; The Ouran Academy Host Club Halloween Carousel!'

With that, the cells behind the two were flooded with light to reveal the Host Club; each in their own cell.

With a click of Renge's fingers, light crept forth from coffins which, unseen, lined the walls. A ring of ultraviolet lights appeared about the live band, numbering forty musicians in total. The white skeletal designs on their black costumes and instruments glowed.

There was another flash as a giant orb of light hanging from the middle of the ceiling exploded with a pale glow; a moon. By its milky light, the design of the hall could be seen. The once gleaming ballroom had been converted into a cemetery. By some genius of technology, a screen had been strung across the ceiling and somehow clouds appeared to be moving across it. The luminous globe moon hung down over the dance floor; the columns had been converted into gnarled, leafless trees; and the entrance had been temporarily replaced with wire gates which creaked just like the gates back home on the castle on the hill used to. A stage had been set up against the stairs at the very front of the hall with a number of tables radiating out from its base. All in all, the hall was set up as a night of exposition, drink and dance for the creatures of the twilight.

'Come forth, creatures of the night!' Renge called, now fully illuminated. 'The band of skeletal ghouls awaits your command. Feast, feed, dance, revel before our six ladies of the underworld! Any of those bold enough to approach are implored to do so! At the hour of eight they shall join you in your midst and at nine we have the pride of presenting you with a live performance from a professional dance company. After that;' Renge grinned devilishly, Haruhi didn't even try. 'We shall start the dancing anew until the break of day.'

By break of day he really just meant until midnight. It _was _a school function after all.

* * *

Halloween party rule #1:

Play the part

And that begins on the outside. The cells of each sin had been decorated with meticulous care. Tamaki sat aloof upon a lofty (or about as lofty you can get in a prison cell) white marble throne, flanked by peacocks. Kyouya lay across a rich couch, surrounded by statues and priceless artefacts…it actually comprised largely of what was already in his study in the host club, just carted from the third music room to the hall. Takashi's room consisted purely of a silk hammock in which she lay, doing what she did best; sleeping, a deck of cards in her hand.

Naturally, every square metre of Hunny's cell was covered with cake although half of it was plastic. Originally all of it had been edible however that proved impractical as Hunny could devour the contents of her cell faster than it could be refilled. Aside from that, aside from being a terrace of Purgatory, Hunny was in her highest circle of heaven, having been ordered to 'eat cake like there's no tomorrow (but watch out for the plastic cherries).'

Hikaru's cell was decked out as a naval commander's cabin. She sat on the table throwing knives at a dart board. Meanwhile, the only props in Kaoru's room were women's magazines…but then again the whole cell was waist deep them. Kaoru lay across these, perusing their contents.

Halloween party rule #2:

You may be lust reincarnate, but this is _not _playboy mansion

After at least a year in the club, the members knew this all too well. One leg cocked too far, too coy a smile, curves emphasised one degree too far; the best host knows how to intrigue a customer without prompting anything more than awe.

Fifteen minutes into the start of the party, a large proportion of the guests were dancing on the 'moonlit' dance floor, around a portable bonfire. The remainder; boys and curious girls, were wandering past the cells, some clicking pictures using the handy (and quite expensive) disposable cameras Haruhi was selling at the front of the stage. The hosts made sure to pose for them.

All in all, playing their roles was simple; Renge had chosen them sins that would come easily. Takashi just had to doze prettily; meanwhile, Hunny was lucky that she was naturally adorable as with so many cakes and only one fork, she had little attention to spare for photographs; Kaoru and Hikaru moved fluidly from pose to pose, using their props to greatest effect; and Tamaki was just her usual imperial self. Kyouya was the only one feeling out of sorts. Never had she been entreated to show the thrifty streak which she usually concealed from the view of customers.

Once the multitude of guests had finished ogling at the 'inmates' and had joined their peers on the dance floor, Haruhi came by each of the cells and unlocked them using the large ring of keys attached to the belt of his suit.

'It's about time' Hikaru grumbled, taking the chance to stretch non-provocatively for a change.

'Where did all those commoner women magazines come from anyway?' Tamaki asked, flicking a lock of golden hair off her shoulder.

'Oh they weren't all magazines.' Kaoru told her, 'Only the ones on the top were. They were bulked up by copies of Renge's doujinshii. I thought I might be sick.'

'Bleurgh' the Host Club said together.

'Anyway' Kyouya said, bringing them all to attention. She pulled out her clipboard from goodness-knows-where.

'Yes indeed,' Tamaki added, 'Time to get to work. You have all memorised your allocation timetables I trust?'

'Yes ma'am!'

'Then lets all do our best' said the host club mummy/daddy/queen/lady/whatever.

'Hai!'

Tamaki sighed proudly as she watched her host minions disperse themselves. Only Kyouya remained behind, still scribbling something in her notes.

'Well if I do say so myself, I think we just threw ourselves one Class-A Halloween party.'

'I agree'

'Hmmm' Tamaki looked out over the crowd to where Satoshi and Yasuchika were waiting tables and pouring drinks. Satoshi was a natural, he smiled, he bowed, he was gracious and eloquent. True the middle schooler was a tiny bit dense but you don't need to be on the ball at all times when you ooze charm from every pore in your body.

Yasuchika meanwhile, despite his best efforts, was proving pretty popular as well. He was already coming across as a natural 'bad boy who _only_shows his nice side to one person' kind of guy. Already Tamaki could see girls who looked keen to be that 'one person.'

'It'll be nice having Satoshi and Yasuchika with us next year.' Tamaki mused.

'Assuming, of course, that they'll actually join.'

'I'll find a way around that. But we'll need more men in the host club next year. Then we'll be able to serve both boys and girls.'

Kyouya stopped writing and looked up at her friend, gold contacts gleaming in her eyes.

'I don't think I follow you.'

'Well it would be brilliant if we were both a male and female host club…then we could service the entire school populace.'

Flicking her clipboard shut, Kyouya cleared her throat before quietly saying:

'Of course…you're imagining things as they would be if we were all to remain…women?'

Tamaki glanced down at the ground.

'Ah well…you know…it's a possibility, that is, that Nekozawa and his club won't figure out a way to reverse this. Besides,' she threw Kyouya a grin, 'It's not that bad. I've grown to quite like it.'

Kyouya's face was impassive.

'Tamaki, don't be selfish.' She said at length.

'Huh?'

'Oh you know what I mean, Tamaki' Kyouya told her bitterly, walking past her and then stopping so neither could see the other.

'You know, rejoicing in your new body for the sake of seeing your mother's smile in your reflection.

'Don't look so surprised.' She added disdainfully as Tamaki opened her mouth to protest. 'Staring at yourself in the mirror, visiting the sickbay so that you can try to understand how your mother suffered through her ill health; you truly are transparent. Feel free to remain a female after we change. I, however, refuse to remain a woman for a month longer. Do not expect the rest of us to follow you to the ends of the earth for the sake of your regret; because if you do, you will find yourself alone.'

The dark haired girl walked on. Tamaki spun about.

'Kyouya!' she called.

'Haven't you got some customers to serve?' Kyouya said, not looking back.

Tamaki remained motionless. After a few minutes, she quickly rubbed her eyes and hurried off to wherever she was supposed to be.

* * *

Seeing that Tamaki was fully engaged in her customer, the basketball captain, Kyouya sighed.

'What's the matter, Kyou-chan?' her own customer asked tentatively, the chess champion.

'Oh it's nothing, Kiyoshi-kun'

'Kyouya-senpai?'

Kyouya turned, and smiled for her customer's benefit as Kaoru approached her.

'Ah, Kaoru, not down at the poker tables yet I see.'

As the hosts were not due to dance with particular partners yet, those that were not allocated were to wait tables charmingly, play poker and backgammon provocatively and in crude terms, flaunt it.

'I'm heading down that way now. But I-'

'Wanted to tell me something regarding to Hiroki-kun?'

Kaoru blanched but quickly recovered.

'Uh…yes. It turns out that…I'm certain of his affections so I plan on rejecting them tonight.'

Kyouya looked at Kaoru over the top of her non-existent lenses. It was a habit.

'And what does this have to do with me?'

'I've…never done this alone so…' Kaoru looked for the words to express her concern, 'What are the terms?' She finished with blandly.

'Nothing aside from the standard terms of the Host-customer contract. You _do_remember what those are, don't you?'

Kaoru nodded vigorously but it was clear that she was going to go straight back to the dressing room and look for a copy of the files.

Eyes following Kaoru as she disappeared towards the gaming area, Kyouya let out another sigh.

'Kyou-chan?' Her customer asked again.

'Just reflecting' Kyouya invented quickly, 'Our male cousins will be returning from the exchange soon and so we'll be leaving the country.'

'No way!' the faceless boy named Kiyoshi exclaimed.

'I'm afraid so. Truly, I believe I shall miss you.' Kyouya said, turning away and sighing sadly.

Kyouya couldn't see his face but knew instinctively that the boy was blushing.

'But you'll come back every now and again…right?'

Kyouya turned back to him,

'I'm afraid that that is unlikely.'

_True; because if I somehow get turned back into a girl again I will be spending the remainder of my life in prison for wringing Tamaki's neck._

'That's…I can't believe this…' Kiyoshi gibbered, 'I'll have to see more of you before you go! Can you book me in three times a week until you leave please?'

A few metres away, Kaoru turned to look back at Kyouya, had she just heard a light switch flick on?

On the outside, Kyouya smiled appreciatively and said:

'Thank you Kiyoshi. I'm sure that I shall be able to tolerate leaving Japan if I can spend as much time as possible in your presence until that wretched day.'

On the inside, Kyouya was scheming and scribbling furiously on clipboard of her mind.

* * *

'Full house.'

'I believe that Miss Hitachiin has won. And I believe that you are out of chips'

The unfortunate boy, dressed as a zombie looked disbelievingly from the face of the dealer, to the faces of the three kings in the revealed hand of his opponent, then finally to the face of his conqueror and blushed as he found her smiling faintly and looking at him amusedly from under the brim of her large black hat.

Hikaru giggled as she watched the student across from her redden. Boys were just too easy. She decided to see how far she could go.

'Hold out your hand.' She said quietly.

'Ummm uh okay' and he did so. Hikaru took a small handful from her large pile of chips and laid them in his hand, ensuring that her fingernails gently trailed across his wrist. He gibbered and immediately dropped them. Muttering a hurried apology he dropped to his knees with a ka-thunk and, all dignity of a young master forgotten, crawled under the table to collect the stray chips. Unseen to all but the straight-faced dealer: Hikaru doubled over with silent laughter. She was quickly doubled even further over, clutching her head, Tamaki having pulled the red head's hat off and given her a sharp whack with a backgammon set.

'Stop toying with the customers.' She hissed in the grimacing Hikaru's ear.

'Pfft, I'm just bored waiting for Kaoru. Where is she anyway?'

'You know that unless if you're dealing, which you aren't, you aren't allowed man the tables together. You need to be spread out. It doesn't matter now any way, we're all allocated for the next dance so get moving.'

'Fine fine…'

When the clumsy poker player resurfaced from beneath the poker table, he found it deserted save for the dealer. All that was left was a card which had been slipped under his glass of sparkling grape juice (they _are_ just high school students after all).

A queen of Hearts with Hikaru Hitachiin's signature and several X's and O's. He gave it a conspiratorial sniff before pocketing it. He began to shuffle away but was quickly flattened by a small troop of older boys who made his zombie costume five times more convincing than before and left him lying on the ground, twitching and pathetically autograph-less. A small fight ensued behind one of the columns as the victorious gang grappled for the card. Hikaru grinned at a wicked deed well done.

She tailed her highness through the crowds and up onto the main stage where the rest of the hosts were along with a group of excited looking guests. They must be their first dance partners. There were a couple girls amongst the boys; they must be for Haruhi, she concluded.

'Hikaru!' she heard Kaoru call out.

'Kaoru! Long time no see!' The twins embraced dramatically.

'Uh…Hikaru…hime'

Hikaru turned to meet her partner. He bowed low with hand outstretched. She took his hand gently.

'My name is Arata, would you do me the honour of dancing with me?'

'The pleasure would be mine.' Hikaru said genteelly, smiling radiantly as though she had a choice. There was a time for making a good impression and a time for seeing how much fun you have whilst still making a good impression. Now was the time for the former. Taking Arata's hand, she turned and introduced him to Kaoru. She could tell that he didn't really know the difference between them. He had probably flipped a coin in deciding which twin to allocate.

'Oh Hikaru, my partner's around somewhere.' It was traditional for the twins to introduce each their partners; it made things easier if they decided to entertain as a pair if they had already met their sister's partner.

Kaoru called out to a boy dressed as a detective from a film noir movie. He grinned at Hikaru.

'This is Suda Hiroki.' Kaoru told her.

Hikaru smiled in response. Where had she heard that name before? It was funny though as she had never seen him in the club and he wasn't in their class. She pushed it to the back of her mind.

_Still…_

There was the way the guy looked at Kaoru a little bit too…familiarly…


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: **Hey everyone, here's the next chapter yay! I know this chapter is short but i thought it was important to cut it where i did. Also, please excuse my song choice but i do love it. It might be a wee while before the next chapter as i'm going away for my summer holidays (as i live in the southern hemisphere)

So i hope you all had a merr Christmas and i'd like to wish you all a safe, and Happy New Year.

* * *

Takashi gulped loudly. As a boy, he had enjoyed the scenic views from at least a foot above everyone else. So now, being allocated to dance with a monster of a man-shaped creature was somewhat unnerving. 

Football Vice-Captain Makoto Togoin wasn't a bad dancer, neither was he particularly unpleasant; he just had that irritating capability of looking down at Takashi which she wasn't used to.

Takashi also didn't like fully submitting to his control. Naturally, in dancing, the lady must follow where the man leads and she had no qualm with following him…it was being pushed from one side to the other so forcefully that she could hear her own neck click that she was not so comfortable with.

Meanwhile, Haruhi had just said goodbye to his eighth customer. As the only boy available for rent he was doing fifteen minute shifts with a multitude of host hungry girls.

'Haruhi,' Kyouya whispered as they had passed each other on the dance floor a few moments earlier, 'You will be with your next customer for forty-five minutes.'

'Wah? Why?' he asked, wondering what God of Charity had prompted Kyouya to generously give a customer three times the normal allotted time.

'Let's just say she made it worth our while.' Kyouya answered enigmatically, sweeping away.

So now Haruhi held the hand of a nameless girl. She answered all questions with another question and as of yet had not given any form of name or form of identification. She seemed to be dressed as a female gladiator except her leather and armour was a distinct shade of burgundy. She also wore a Greek style war helmet, shading her eyes and giving Haruhi the impression that he was escorting a murderous shadow.

All in all, Haruhi was a bit tired of her. There was something patronising and disdainful in her air and she seemed loath to follow his lead. But he didn't want to even think about what Kyouya would do to him or rather, to the number of digits in his debt, if he didn't stick with her.

To pass the time, he watched Kaoru and her partner. He might just be imagining things but there was a sort of charge in the air…the tense deep breath before the plunge under an icy surface.

* * *

'Kaoru?' Hiroki's voice said reproachfully in her ear. 

'Hmmm?'

'You're still bothered about your secret aren't you?'

'Huh? Oh no…did I zone out again?'

'Mhmm.'

'Sorry, Hiroki-kun.'

'Not a problem, I just wish I could help you. Is there anything I can do?'

Kaoru examined her partner with a keen eye from beneath her styled fringe. She wondered what he knew. He knew that she was upset about keeping a secret from Hikaru and someone with the EQ of her Highness could have figured that he was the secret. Actually, perhaps they would need a slightly higher EQ than Tamaki but either way it didn't take a much power of deduction to figure it out.

She would not enjoy letting him down, she would probably end up going home and blowing her cover by bursting into tears of shame, but it was a necessary evil.

'Actually...' she began.

But she was cut off by the ever shrill although now masculine voice of Renge as he announced the arrival of the dance troupe therefore could all guests and hosts please clear the dance floor right now!

'I'll tell you in a second' Kaoru ended lamely. Actually, she realized the dance would be the perfect time to reject Hiroki; everyone would be too occupied with the dancers. They had been hired from an allied family of the Hitachiin's and Kaoru knew that they were fantastic.

With that, still following Hikaru and her partner from the brightly lit dance floor into the shadows surrounding it, she deliberately slowed her pace so that they would be stuck somewhere in the back, thus making slipping out of sight into some private place easier. She held Hiroki's arm a little tighter as she stepped up over the heap of male bodies who had been fighting over the autograph earlier, ignoring their peals of pain as her heels punched holes in expensive tuxedoes and wizard capes.

The dance troupe consisted of a stage band, a collection of about twenty secondary dancers and their two stars. They were also accompanied by a pair of singers who would perform with the band. Every member of the group was the example of elegance and enigmatic charm. Every body save those of the dancers were dressed in plain black dresses or suits, eyes covered with a golden, hawk-like mask.

The two dancers consisted of a tall man and a woman of medium height. The man dressed a black, angular mafia-esque suit with hair slicked back, black gloves, groomed black moustache and a thin black band of material with holes cut for eyes which made up his 'mask.' Meanwhile, the woman wore a sickly pale parody of a wedding dress, wilting lilies clutched in a pair of dusty white gloves and a short, pallid veil overhanging her face. It looked like a skewed wedding, with moon for a priest and skeletal trees for its witnesses.

They took the floor. Hikaru clapped appreciatively. She already knew what they would be playing. For the sake of familiarity, the group would begin with 'El Tango de Roxanne' and would then move onto their own creations.

Perhaps it was the quietest swish of a skirt; perhaps it was just fraternal, now sisterly bond, taut to the point of snapping that made her turn her head. Out of the corner of her eye, Hikaru could make out the shape of Kaoru and her partner, Hiroki or something like that, moving away through the crowd. Forgetting to breathe, Hikaru's eyes followed their path. She told herself: they could just be getting something to eat. But the pair bypassed the buffet table and instead slipped the door into one of the corridors which lead to some of the drama classrooms.

* * *

Meanwhile, the music began to play. 

'Kaoru, where are we going?'

'I need to talk to you, about the secret; in private' Kaoru said briefly, tugging slightly on the boy's arm. Her heartbeat quickened as it steeled itself for what it must do. The two of them were striding quickly down the moonlit corridor to the drama room where they had had make up done. It would be unlocked.

* * *

Hikaru gently pushed her arm out of the crook of her partner's. He turned to her with a questioning look. 

'Just off to the ladies' room' she explained, grinning coyly, 'Don't move.'

She made her way through the crowd.

* * *

Meanwhile, the hired performer on the platform with the orchestra began to sing quietly: 

_His eyes upon your face; his hand upon your hand…_

* * *

Kaoru and Hiroki pushed their way through the door and into the dimly lit drama room. Full length mirrors encompassed the room so that as they wandered towards the window a small crowd moved with them, flitting past in the corners of their eyes. 

Kaoru released Hiroki's arm and took a few steps away from him, putting at least a metre between them. She turned to face him, hands clasped tensely behind her back. He stared at her in confusion. It had to be done _now._

Now faced with the actual task, Kaoru realised that she couldn't bring herself to meet his eyes. Therefore, gaze cast to the floor just beneath his feet; she said in an expressionless tone, 'I received the message you left me in your paintings.'

The boy took a half step backward, blushing slightly.

'Oh.'

'But I'm afraid that I may not reciprocate your feelings' Kaoru continued in a dead voice.

* * *

Slipping out of the light and into the shower of pale darkness, Hikaru took a deep breath. She glanced down the corridor. The club had only received permission to unlock one classroom in this section. 

With feet of lead, she began to walk down the corridor.

* * *

_It's more than I can stand …_

The light curiosity in Hiroki's eyes seemed to weaken as he looked down at the floor, downcast.

'I…understand' he whispered.

Hating herself for it, Kaoru continued in an equally lifeless voice, explaining what Kyouya had confirmed for her.

'Incidentally, you are still welcome at the host club and I am still free for designations however your actions there will be monitored to avoid any distasteful situations.'

Still not looking him in the eye, Kaoru began her long journey towards the door and back to her life. But as she passed him, he asked in a hushed meek voice.

'Can you…answer something for me?'

* * *

…_why does my heart cry?_

* * *

Kaoru gave the smallest nod. 

'If it weren't for Hikaru…would things be different?'

* * *

…_feelings I can't fight…_

* * *

Hikaru reached for the door handle but paused. She trusted Kaoru, didn't she? Besides, that guy could just have been asking Kaoru to show him where the toilets were (although she knew for a fact that they were down the opposite end of the hall)…or maybe he was treating Kaoru like one of the interchangeable twins…like the girls in middle school used to… 

But if it wasn't that… if it was something more.

Her fingers made contact with the cold brass of the door knob.

* * *

_You're free to leave me…_

* * *

Karou didn't answer. Instead, the mask that she had worn just beneath the surface of her own face, the one that had smiled, smiled and concealed a villain, cracked and shattered. All the control that she had thought she had evaporated, she just cried. The fear and pain of months of plotting and manipulation came pouring out of Kaoru all at once. Sobbing uncontrollably, she was only vaguely aware of two arms being placed gingerly around her shoulders. In a reflex action, she dug her face into Hiroki's shirt.

* * *

…_but just don't deceive me…_

* * *

Gently pushing downwards, Hikaru slid the door open.

* * *

…_and please…_

* * *

Kaoru didn't hear the door open. 

But she did feel Hiroki's sharp intake of breath.

* * *

…_believe me when I say, 'I love you.'_

* * *

Hiroki took Kaoru by the shoulders and moved her slightly back from his chest. And at last, she turned to face the unspeakable fear that had plagued her dreams. 


	18. Chapter 18

**Mischief Mage: **Hello! I know it's half-way through January but happy new year anyways. Here's the next chapter, sorry as it's kind of short. Enjoy!

* * *

'Kaoru…' Hikaru breathed. In the deathly silence the name thundered about the room.

'Hi-Hikaru.' Kaoru drew away from Hiroki, hastily wiping a tear from her eye.

In hindsight, there wasn't much that Kaoru could have said to amend the situation. But anyone not rigid with fear, guilt or panic could have told her not to say what she did.

'It's…it's not what you think. Hikaru, it's not what you think!'

But Hikaru hadn't hung around to hear a lie repeated.

Suda Hiroki forgotten, Kaoru stepped out of her heels and followed her sister out the door and down the moonlit corridor, following the click-click of Wrath's boots.

_Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit shit shit._ Her mind fidgeted like a jammed LP. Her stomach seemed to have vanished. _Be sure your sins will find you out_. Hah. The irony almost made Kaoru laugh hysterically despite herself.

Envy looked up as she drew closer to the red clad figure; taking her shoes off had been a good idea.

Why did things have to turn out this way? She'd read it in some book; one in a million chances happen nine times out of ten. But why now? Why_tonight_? If only Hikaru had discovered them ten seconds earlier…

Through the high windows, one could have seen a barefoot young woman reach out to the fleeing figure before her, the green of her dress radiant in the moonlight. All she wanted was to free her twin from the chains of a closed world, to give to her the freedom that others took for granted, the freedom which perhaps she herself yearned for.

Kaoru's hand was only centimetres from Hikaru's arm. She yelled for her to stop but her sister didn't want to listen.

'Hikaru! It's not what you think!' she shouted again desperately, arm outstretched.

Kaoru didn't get time to react as Hikaru stopped rapidly, spun on one foot and turned to meet her sister. Wrath viciously grasped Envy by her arms

'Don't. Lie. To. Me.' Hikaru hissed, yellow eyes blazing.

'I-'

'No! Don't say a word!' Hikaru shouted now. 'Don't flood my ear with your poison!

'What have you done?' Hikaru shook her twin roughly. 'I was the only one who didn't know, wasn't I? Even Haruhi knew, right? How many people have been forced to cover up for your falsehoods? How many people have you manipulated to hide this from me? How many times did you just stand by and watch me humiliate myself in believing your vile tongue? _How many?'_

All trace of tears had left Kaoru's eyes now in her shock. Hikaru's words crashed down upon her.

'I…I did it for-'

But Hikaru would have none of it.

'Don't use me! Stop using me as a reason for your actions! Stop telling people that your acting selflessly because your _dear sister_ is too much of a stuck up brat to work things out for herself' She spat the words.

'Hikaru it was never-'

'Don't twist people to cover up for your half-arsed desires!'

'Hikaru, please!' Kaoru was starting to cry again, stinging tears welling up in the corners of her eyes, '_Hikaru_, between Suda-san and I, it's not what you think. _Trust me_.'

Hikaru actually laughed bitterly and pushed her sister back a few paces, leaving pale red lines where she had clutched her.

'Trust you? _Trust _YOU? I'll do that when you can finally trust _me.'_

'Hikaru…I'm-'

'Just shut up. Screw this shit.'

And with that Hikaru left her weeping sister kneeling in the corridor.

* * *

Meanwhile, as the music accelerated, dancers spinning about like angry tops, Kyouya's cellphone gave an urgent peal. Placing it to her ear, Kyouya learnt that the entertainment company had left a message a few hours ago confirming that their engagement with the Ouran Host Club had been cancelled.

Hanging up, Kyouya gazed down to the dancers.

* * *

'Haruhi-kun! We'll be able to see the dancers more clearly from here!' The mysterious girl dragged Haruhi right to the edge of the dance floor. Indeed the view here was far superior…although he did occasionally have to duck to avoid outstretched arms as well as the high kicks.

* * *

Hikaru realised that it might be a good idea to start breathing. In her running, she had neglected her lungs and she had been biting down on her lip so hard that a tiny scarlet droplet was now trickling down her chin. It stained the other, clear river that was making its way down from her eyes. But she didn't mind. She had just seen Kaoru crying with a customer.

She'd seen Kaoru cry with customers plenty of times and she knew better than anyone that Kaoru had the ability to turn on the waterworks as one might flick on the lights in a dark room. Kaoru's tears were like an empty house with the lights left on to keep the burglars away; no one was home. But Hikaru knew Kaoru better than perhaps her sister thought, because it hadn't taken more than a second to realise that the 'home' she had shared with her sister had been breached and that those tears had been real... for the first time in years.

* * *

'Um…Kyouya?' Tamaki said timidly, trying her best to look apologetic after the incident between the two of them earlier in the night. 'Have you seen Hunny-senpai and Takashi-senpai?'

* * *

Kaoru sat on her knees in the dark, face in her hands, crying without restraint. She looked up hopefully as foot steps approached.

'Hi…Hikaru?'

'Wrong.'

* * *

'Huh?' Haruhi turned. The girl was gone.

* * *

The music swelled in an epic crescendo.

* * *

Still sprinting as well as one can whilst wearing high heeled boots, Hikaru ran full tilt into someone. She fell backwards to the floor.

'Ouch. Who's th-?'

But she didn't get a chance to finish her question.

* * *

With that, the final, shuddering note died, and the hall was plunged into darkness. When the lights were switched back on, Kyouya and Tamaki had disappeared, and there, in their place were the two dancers, each clutching one of Haruhi's shoulders. Correction: Not dancers; the Zuka Club.

* * *


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N **- Let me try to figure out how long it has been since I've updated this fic...yonks. yonks and yonks and yonks. Sorry. I'm in the middle of exams at the moment and was trawling through my old fanfic stuff and found this. It makes for a chapter, a short one, but a chapter all the same. I hope enjoy it, even if you've (quite understandably) forgotten what was happening (I had.)

* * *

Haruhi stared, out over the hall from the grasp of the Zuka club, the considerably different to moments before.

Following the dramatic revelation of the dancers' identities, Benio having played the male dancer and Suzuran the woman, several of the female guests had unsheathed weapons; the Lobelia academy's own student body assassination squad from behind the gym.

To top it all off no fewer than twenty members of the Benibara society had swung down from the ceiling, clad in tight black spandex with nets with which they quickly restrained all male guests. They had run into a spot of bother with Satoshi and Yasuchika although once the young Haninozuka had been forced into submission through the brandishing of assorted stuffed animals, his Morinozuka friend had quickly fallen also.

They had also performed their usual introductions. It was starting to get repetitive…Haruhi had begun to zone out in spite of the severity of the situation.

'I must admit that I was caught by surprise.' Kyouya said matter of factly, sitting back to back with Tamaki, tied up with enough string to keep a nation of kittens happy for the good part of a year. 'How long ago were you captured Hunny-senpai?'

'Hmmm' the tiny senior answered, tied in the same way to Takashi although due to their differences in height, Hunny would hang several inches off the ground whenever her cousin sat up straight. 'A good while ago. Before the Club started performing anyway.'

Benio, Suzuran and Hinagiku, collectively clutching Haruhi now stood on the stage in front of the bound hosts, monologuing to their hearts' content and calling for the nefarious Host Club to come forth and receive the pummelling of their lives for subjecting Haruhi and the girls behind them to entertaining men for the Club's own profit.

'Hmm, they still haven't realised that we _are _the host club. So what about you, Kao-chan?' Hunny asked, 'When did they get you?'

'I think Hinagiku was prowling around the corridors out back, she got Hikaru and I there.'

'Oh? What were you doing back there?'

'Well…' Being back to back and all, Kaoru was unable to watch Hikaru's expression or see anything other than her shoulder. Personally, Hikaru was pleased with the arrangement.

Hunny noticed Kaoru's discomfort so she quickly engaged a tearful Tamaki in conversation.

'Hikaru?' Kaoru asked tentatively.

Her sister didn't answer.

'Hikaru?'

Eventually she decided to press on regardless.

'Hikaru, I'm sorry if what you saw upset you, but it's not what you think...Hikaru, please-'

'I don't want to talk about it. Stop taking advantage of the fact that I can't run away or block my ears.'

Hikaru twisted restlessly in her bonds as Kaoru fell silent, there had to be a way out of this. Nets and armed women aside, the Zuka club's roaring aura of feminism was terrifying the majority of the guests.

To review her personal situation:

She was currently tied to Kaoru whose betrayal sliced like the world's worst paper cut; she was having difficulty in suppressing her feelings of murderous intent towards Suda Hiroki and had already compiled a list of painful things she could do to him with his paintbrush; the Zuka club had Haruhi in their evil, cross-dressingm gender-confused hands and were now demanding in very large voices for all male guests to be lead away (possibly to be castrated) and for the disgusting Host Club to show themselves like the pitiful men they were. In truth, the Zuka club had been anxious to release the Host club once they had discovered that they were all women. However, considering Hunny and Takashi's initial resistance, they had wisely decided to keep them tied up.

The only plus side was that Benio hadn't realised that the Host Club had become creatures of the female persuasion.

'They must have fled, Benibara-sama' Hikaru heard Hinagiku hiss, 'wretched dogs.'

'I must say that I'm not surprised' Suzuran said, flicking her hair, 'I can understand their fear in the face of such opponents.'

'So what do we do Benibara-sama?'

'The only thing left to do: take Haruhi and these poor maidens behind us and enrol them all into Lobelia; they will be safe there, away from the clutches of those twittish pimps.'

_Hurrah._

But Hikaru, feeling Kaoru squirming about, twisted her head over her left shoulder to see a male head sticking out from the wings of the de facto stage. Suda Hiroki; he must have eluded capture in the shadows of the corridors. Her salvation was to come in the form of plaid-clad personal enemy number 1.

_Double hurrah._

_

* * *

_

Kyouya had to marvel at the Zuka club; their ability to turn a single sentence intention into a speech worthy of an operatic death scene was truly unparalleled.

This is what Benio was saying in a loud theatrical voice as boys in varying forms of undead dress writhed under weighted nets.

'To think that we successfully infiltrated the poor Ouran School security in the aid of one subjected maiden, only to discover the true horrors of the Host Club; not one, but seven lasses, no doubt coerced through extortion and unspeakable acts to serve the student body as common prostitutes of the red-district! But no longer! Cruel, cruel, traitorous men of Ouran, no longer shall you poach the dignity of these girls, trying to win their favour with your gifts and monetary charms. No, for no longer! We shall free these young women from their bonds! They shall have vengeance, they shall-'

Benio broke off as Haruhi forcefully stepped away from her looking disgruntled. Kyouya had been watching her fidgeting indignantly as Benibara orated in his ear.

'Lass…' Benio began, reaching out.

'You seem to be confused. I'm a boy, not a girl' Haruhi said stepping away.

Hinagiku giggled, 'Of course, no one outside that club knows about your little secret, do they?'

'Do not fear, young maiden' Benio said placatingly, stepping towards him, 'Even though these…men-' she gestured towards the guests, '-will discover your secret, you could leave this school forever. Lobelia will welcome you with open arms'

'No, you don't get it. I _am_ a _boy._ It's not an act.'

There were whispers from the guests down below.

'What? Do those chicks think Haruhi's a _girl_?'

'Haruhi's a _cross-dresser_?'

'Maybe he got a sex change.'

'As if a scholarship student could afford it.'

'Well with the surgical establishment _your _family runs he might be able to.'

'You say that again and I'll wriggle over there-'

Having had enough, Haruhi turned to face the Zuka Club and proclaimed in a very loud voice:

'I want to make this very clear, okay?'. 'I. Am. A'

He lifted his shirt.

'Guy.'

Being directly in front of Haruhi, Benio received the full blast of the flat-frontal assault. She fell immediately to her knees, breath seemingly knocked from her. Placing her palms flat on the ground she began hyperventilating, wide eyes still fixed on Haruhi who was beginning to feel a bit self-conscious with half of the Lobelia academy staring unabashedly at his chest.

Suzuran and Hinagiku recovered first and immediately knelt by their leader with concerned squeals of 'Benibara-sama!'

''Quickly! Hinagiku!' Suzuran exclaimed.

'Yes ma'am!' Hinagiku replied, hand shooting up in a salute. Immediately, she pulled out a thick tome from somewhere in her uniform and began to read aloud, from the beginning 'The Feminist Manifesto.'

Meanwhile, taking Benio's hand, Suzuran pressed a handful of rocks rocks into her senior's hands.

'Benibara-sama, throw these at those boys down there, that always makes you feel better.'

Gradually, with her friends' ministrations, Benio's breathing slowed to normal and at last, at the expense of four badly bruised male guests, Benio stood upright looking livid.

'Which one,' she said, her voice carrying about the whole hall. 'Which one of those pigs made you have a sex change?'

Haruhi didn't answer.

Benio flicked her hair, 'No matter,' she said irritably, 'Suzuran's family owns a surgical practice and we'll have you fixed in no time. Come, let us leave this place.'

It wasn't a suggestion and it wasn't an order; it was a statement. The three members of the Zuka club nonchalantly seized Haruhi and began their descent down the stairs of the stage towards the main door, taking care to stand on a fallen guest whenever convenient.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N**: So. It's been a while. More than four years actually. But obviously Halloween's just been and gone and I received an email for a review for this fic and I realised how much I've missed writing it. So, I'm going to take a stab at finishing it. I think my writing style will probably be a little different but I hope that you all still find it vaguely enjoyable!

**In case you need a recap (I did!) here's what's happened in the fic so far:**

Tamaki dabbled in Black magic and reversed the genders of the Host club (+Renge)

Haruhi and Kasanoda have been kept on as bouncers while Yasuchika and Satoshi are also starting to take part around the place.

Tamaki is sort of, kind of, taking the opportunity to try to trace his mother's features in his *hem* her features but Kyouya is more than over being a girl.

They're having a Halloween bash

Kaoru has been approached individually by a boy named Suda Hiroki who confessed his love. She eventually turned him down but not without some cah-ray-zay (read: not really that crazy) misunderstandings by Hikaru who she had been hiding him from.  
The Zuka club have taken over the party and are frog-marching Haruhi away to have a sex change (as they have just discovered that the girl masquerading as a boy is now a boy masquerading...is just now a boy.)

Tune in for the thrilling almost-conclusion of ….THIS

* * *

Tamaki managed to convince herself that, yes one more wriggle would almost certainly have her free of her bonds. It didn't of course. The only thing she achieved was to further test Kyouya's frayed patience.

'Tamaki – if you're so desperate for something to do, why don't you watch the drama unfold over where the twins are' she said shortly.

'But Haruhi - '

'Is going to be made female again albeit by well tested surgical means? I almost envy him to be honest. Now shut up and look at the twins.'

'Why - '

What Tamaki saw would have been, in any other situation, hilarious. But in this case, it was nothing short of pathetic.

Kaoru's would-be-beau, having somehow escaped capture, was leaning through a side door and gesturing wildly to Hikaru who was facing him. Kaoru, tied to Hikaru, back-to-back, hadn't noticed and instead was watching Haruhi being frog-marched out amongst the crowd towards the antechamber. Whatever Suda was trying to communicate was being flatly ignored by Hikaru.

'Should we…' Tamaki began.

'I don't think an angry elephant could convince Hikaru to accept that boy's assistance at the moment. Anyway, if you shout one of the Lobelia girls will surely hear.'

'But we have to do something.'

'Like wriggling? Because that worked out a treat. Do you really think they'll be able to force Haruhi under the knife without his wanting it? We're talking high school drama here, not Sci-fi horror.'

'Even so…it's not really how I imagined the night turning out.'

Kyouya was still watching the twins.

'No,' she said eventually, 'I don't think any of us did. And things don't usually do, regardless of what I'd like…Tamaki?'

'Hm?'

'I'm sorry for bringing your mother into this. It was callous and achieved nothing. While I ask you to be conscious of how much my life depends on becoming male again, I also ask your forgiveness for not respecting your feelings.'

'Now that doesn't sound like you Kyouya'

'It might be the oestrogen.'

'Maybe. But I think you make a great woman. I think that, even if things don't change, you could still surpass your brothers.'

Tamaki felt Kyoua stiffen as her friend articulated her fears. Kyouya took pride in knowing how her best friend thought, but sometimes forgot that it could go both ways.

'It's not that simple' Kyouya sighed. 'You know that my other sister got married off to some business partner within years of graduating high school. She was smart and talented. But she didn't even get a look in. Even if my father were to accept this change, I'd get the same treatment, or worse. It would almost be preferable to fake my death and go start again elsewhere.'

'If anyone could make it big after having to start again, it would be you Kyouya.'

'I'll take the compliment. I suppose I'm still trying to hold onto that dream of surpassing my brothers on my father's terms. I can't play the game if I don't even fit the entrance criteria.'

'True…so what were you going to do after you exceeded his expectations? Because you'll do it within the next five years. What then?'

Kyouya was silent. Tamaki leant her head back until it rested against the back of Kyouya's.

'But I guess that's a little far into the future huh?' She offered, 'I think we might have bigger problems at the moment.'

Kyouya exhaled deeply. 'That's certainly true. But we can't do anything now. We just have to be prepared for if things – '

The lights went out.

' – change.'

A sudden hush fell over the hall which was lit now only by candles scatter over the tables. After a few seconds a hushed chatter began amongst the guests, occasionally punctuated with a 'shut up' and a groan as a frustrated captor gave a particularly loud guest a kick.

'Very good, Host club.' Came Benibara's voice from the other end of the hall. 'But too little too late.'

When the lights failed to come on and when the male Host club failed to emerge with their hands up in a placating 'Yup, you got us. Good one Benibara', she shouted out again: 'It's too late for any tricks now, boys. You've lost.'

Still silence.

'Power failure?' Hingaku suggested.

'Must be.'

'Kyouya' Tamaki hissed, 'What's going on?'

'I stopped knowing an age ago.'

Suddenly, every door in the hall flew open and a hissing rush of wind blew through the room which was plunged into complete darkness as the candles died.

'Mum. I'm scared.' Tamaki whimpered unabashedly.

Kyouya didn't answer.

'Stop it!' Benibara cried, struggling to hide the tremor in her voice. 'It won't help. We didn't come all this way just to - '

_Leave_.

Even in the darkness, Tamaki knew that the whole room had frozen still. It had been spoken in a whisper and yet the voice had filled the room.

_Leave. Now._

It was a young woman's voice. With this pronouncement, a small greenish light high in the centre of the room began to lower itself, pulsing slightly like a heart. When it hung about nine feet above the ground it halted. Tamaki felt every muscle in her body tense as the light became a woman's head. She was young, beautiful, her pale hair falling about where a body should have been. Tamaki's stomach dropped out and her heart froze. Whoever it was, she was the spitting image of her mother. Tamaki knew that her mother was alive of course. Or at least she had been told that she was alive. Someone would have definitely said if she'd died. Definitely. Only made sense really.

_Leave. _The head spoke, voice wavering as though speaking through tears. _Leave. Now. Please. _It begged.

No one moved.

_Leave. Now. Please. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave._

The girl's voice rose and hastened.

_Leave me. Flee this place. Go. Now. _

When no one moved, it screamed in a thousand voices, high, low, screeching, bellowing. All joined in a wail that rattled the windows and shook the one spider web which had managed to escape Ouran's meticulous cleaning staff on the ceiling of the hall.

With the scream, a wave a pale green light radiated from the figure out across the hall. Left behind beneath the head now was its body - decrepit, lop-sided, torn, bony, bruised, limp, pale, damp, iridescent, scabbed torso and legs clad in a frayed, dirty, blood-stained cloth.

When its screams subsided, the exodus began. Hundreds of feet ran for the exits, tripping over the bound guests who, as best they could, crawled for the doors. There were screams throughout the hall as pale, glowing figures emerged from under the tables and seized at ankles.

_Help. _They pled.

_Don't leave me…_

Which only served to speed the invaders' exit.

* * *

The moment the lights had dropped, Hikaru had known what was going to happen and had prepared accordingly. So when she heard the sound of Suda's footsteps rapidly approaching as quietly as possible over the plush carpet, she leant heavily to one side, falling sideways onto the floor and taking Kaoru with her. She took great satisfaction as the boy tripped over them in his attempt to find them.

_Yes._ She thought, his knee resting on her now throbbing cheekbone as the other side of her face was squashed deep into the carpet. _Worth it. _

'Sorry.' The boy gabbled, trying to get up.

Hikaru felt Kaoru tense as she recognised his voice. Before her twin could compose herself, Hikaru hissed 'What do you want?'

'To let you out.'

'Do we look like we need help? We're fine where we are thanks. Please take your services elsewhere.'

'Hikaru' Kaoru began.

'Shut up.'

'If you're offering help, we could use some' came the voice of Hunny just a few steps away. Immediately Hiroki felt his way over the carpet to where Takashi and the other senior were tied. For a while, there was only silence as he fumbled at the knots in the dark.

'Hikaru, I'm sorry' Kaoru tried again.

'Try the other leg it's got bells on. No honestly, it does.'

'I'm sorry and I promise that I will tell you anything you want to know later. I promise that I will make it up to you. I swear, I was turning Suda down. He's nothing. Don't worry. I'll do everything that I - '

'Shut up.'

Hikaru took a deep breath.

'You…shouldn't have to make it up to me.' She said quietly.

'Pardon?'

'I said…that you…don't owe me…anything'

'Hikaru'

'No, really – I mean that in a good way. You don't have to make it up to me because you haven't done anything wrong. I'm still angry though.' She assured her. 'But we do have bigger things to deal with right now. So I'll behave for now.'

'Thank you.'

Nearby, Suda Hiroki was not having any luck.

'Blast, I – can't – see a - '

There was a scream and a flash of light.

'Ah, that's what I needed.'

Hikaru looked up to see a floating, mutilated ghost woman.

'How long has she been there for?'

* * *

In the tumult, Haruhi took her chance and wrenched herself out of Benio's grasp.

'Young lass – lad!' He heard as he dived headlong back into the stampede of terrified students running the other way. Lying on the ground he heard Benio being carried along with the crowd and realised that, for now, he was safe from Lobelia.

But not from the thunder of feet. He curled into a ball and tried to protect his head. He realised within seconds that this was how people died in riots. Others fall on top of you and, slowly but surely, you suffocate. He winced as others tripped over his body and as thick boots knocked his spine and shoulders as they lumbered out of the hall. Occasionally a stray shoe would make contact with his head which seared with white hot pain.

So it was about a minute or so before Haruhi realised that someone had grabbed his ankle and was trying to drag him out of the way. With one arm held over his face Haruhi wriggled and crawled on one arm towards where the glowing arm was pulling him, out of the path of terrified students and under the table cloth of one of the dining tables which had been abandoned by its guests.

Once safe, Haruhi tried to sit upright under the table. Even hunched his head pressed uncomfortably against the wood. He momentarily wondered whether there would be any gum stuck up there that he should be wary of and then he remembered that the Club had probably bought these tables new. As blessed as he felt to be out from under the hail of feet, it was cramped under the table. That's because there were a total of five people. Two guests had been freed from their bonds and were now huddling together, waiting out the storm. Meanwhile, Haruhi's saviour, who turned out to be a glowing skeleton, was in the act of dragging a gagged female guest under the table.

'Thank you' Haruhi said to the figure, unperturbed. The figure didn't respond, rather, turning to leer at Haruhi.

'You probably saved my life' Haruhi pressed on as the skeleton watched him with empty sockets. Haruhi sighed, the pressure of the table on the top of his head was beginning to get uncomfortable.

'I realise that I owe you one but could you please drop it Renge?'

The costumed boy's shoulders sagged visibly. The manager was dressed in black and glow-in-the dark paint in the shapes of the human skeleton. The darkness blurred the line between the man's costume and the background which made it seem like a luminescent ghoul was grabbing at people from under the table.

'You have no sense of mystery, Haruhi' Renge sniffed.

'You're probably right but tell me, what's going on?'

'Do you really need me to tell you?'

'Dark magic club?'

'Dark magic club.' Renge nodded sagely.

'How did you evade the Zuka club?'

'I was working lighting in the booth behind the hall when they caught me. Conveniently, that's were Nekozawa-chan found me when the Dark magic club came by to spring their surprise.'

'That makes sense. Wait. '-chan'?'

* * *

Eventually, it just became a case of waiting as the tide of Lobelia students went out as quickly as they had come in. As the last screaming voice was heard vanishing in the distance. Out from under the tables, guests, ghouls, witches and other ghoulish figures emerged and released the remainder of the guests. The floating girl smiled serenely at the host club.

_As is well_.

And she began to rise up, her glowing aura shrinking as she rose. Eventually she was only a face disappearing up into the rafters as the growing multitude of freed guests watched her go with a mixture of awe and thanks.

And then the lights went up.

AIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE .

At that point, it became apparent that the apparition had been, no ghost, rather a girl in a harness being raised up by a pulley system. Although no doubt mortified at being found out, her reaction was beyond what would have been expected. She writhed about in her harness, clearly putting strain on whoever was raising her. From what Hunny could tell, from her place down below, the figure eventually seemed to pass out. Furthermore, at that point, whoever had been holding her up seemed to release their hold and she fell, not as fast as she would have unharnessed but certainly at a reasonable rate.

Hunny realised what needed to be done and rushed forward, Takahi by her side, but they were both bowled out of the way by Tamaki who, in that particular way of hers, did not so much caught the falling girl as cushion her fall.

In the light, the girl was clearly blonde with pale skin. Tamaki was staring and Hunny was not surprised. The similarity was uncanny.

At the sound of running footsteps, Hunny turned to see Haruhi rushing up towards them looking very battered.

'Ha-ru-Hiiiii!' Hunny cried, and leapt at him. He caught her and returned the hug. Then, his knees buckled as Hikaru and Kaoru piled on.

'Getoffme'

'No' The three girls chorused.

'Getoffme…getoff…getoffgetoffgetoffgetoff!'

'Boo, Haruhi's in a bad mood' the twins whined as though their earlier spat had never occurred. But they recovered and the four of them walked back towards Tamaki together.

'Who is she?' Tamaki asked.

'Nekozawa-senpai' Kyouya answered primly as she joined the group.

'Eh!?'

'How'd you know Kyou-chan?' Hunny asked, looking more closely at the unconscious girl's face. She did look like a female-Nekozawa. If by that you meant she looked like a seventeen year old Kirimi.

Kyouya shrugged. But she was smiling. 'We'll wait until the morning after she's recovered from rather nasty shock with the lights. I can't imagine how bright they must have been up there,' she said. 'But I suspect that there may be some good news coming our way.'

Hunny looked down at the girl and then out over the hallway. It was a mess. But many of the guests were still there, waiting for someone to give some sort of instruction. They were beginning to gravitate towards Nekozawa, craning their necks to get a glimpse.

'We should send her home' Hunny suggested. 'Then-' she smiled to her friends, 'why don't we ask what's left of the orchestra to play us one more dance tune?'


End file.
